Cohabitation, there is more to it than sex

A few years ago, I was hosting a radio discussion programme. We were discussing a proposal put forward by Alternattiva Demokratika saying that gay couples should get extra points when applying for social housing.

“I live together with my father”, I quipped, “can anyone explain to me why we should not get extra points as well. Should we be discriminated against because our relationship is not a sexual one?” According to Alternattiva’s proposal if we applied for a subsidised government built house and if a gay couple applied at the same time, the latter would be privileged. Is it right to be privileged because of one’s sexual activity?

Friendship, sex or convenience

There is more than sex in cohabitation. There are many couples or triplets living together for one hundred different reasons. Siblings, aunts (uncles) and nephews or nieces, father and son, friends, heterosexual couples, gay couples etc all live together. Some of them raise a family. Others do not. They live together for sex, companionship, friendship or just for convenience’s sake.

As our legislation stands to-day, this type of relationship does not beget legally enforced rights and responsibilities. When the relationship includes a sexual dimension our Courts even used to deny the rights of what are called servigi. In the past, and even recently our Courts, said that no rights can spring from an immoral relationship while considering cohabitation which included sexual relations outside marriage as immoral. I can understand that the parish priest says so but should a judge or a magistrate take a similar position? Thanks to this particular situation and because of other types of cohabitation, many become vulnerable persons. Shrugging of such cases with the phrase “it’s there fault” or “they knew what they were in for” is not the correct attitude to take. There are recoded cases when the surviving part of the “couple” was evicted from the house he/she had lived in for umpteen years, on the death of the other member. This is neither right nor just. Something should be done to rectify the situation and defend the most vulnerable.

Cohabitation legislation should not be seen as a notch or two below divorce or as a convenient alternative to gay marriage. The rights and duties that should be sanctioned by cohabitation legislation should not be rights and duties emanating from the sexual relationship but should result from the fact that there is a relationship, even if it is of a non-sexual nature.

No short cuts for gay marriage

Should cohabitating couples register their names in some official register to be able to exercise their rights? I am open to conviction, but currently I do not think so. I believe that the criteria should be that they lived together for an “x” number of years. There is a very simple and convenient proof that one can bring in one’s defence: the identity card. In this scenario, two persons who have had an identity card for an “x” number of years would be considered as a stable cohabitating couple and this relationship would have both rights and responsibilities. If people have to register their relationship I am afraid that the most vulnerable will be at risk as they could be afraid to register their “union”. The same argument, I think, prevails against the proposal that such couples can make a civil contract to regulate the material and other aspects of their relationship. Even this, I think, could disadvantage the vulnerable who would not be ready to put their foot down and make the other party sign the register.

However, I am still trying to form a more educated and comprehensive position on the subject. What do you think?

P.S. I will not for now enter into the controversy about the reception of communion by couples whose cohabitating has a sexual dimension.

A ward worth remembering

Last Sunday I was not present for the official opening of the new block at St Vincent DePaul Residence called John Paul II. However, I visit this block every day and so do have an opinion especially about the wards specialising in caring for people suffering from dementia.

Let me digress a little. Dementia is a group of brain diseases characterised by severe and progressive cognitive decline that interferes with daily functioning. Dementia manifests itself in different ways. Some people have severe memory loss and confusion. Others have language difficulties, mood variations and personality changes. Some totally forget the most basic things in life like eating or walking.

In Malta there are approximately 4,500 persons suffering from dementia. If each person has five close relatives, it means that 6% of our population is affected by the condition. As our population ages, the situation will only get worse. Dr Charles Scerri, from the University of Malta, told me that within the next twenty-five years the number of persons suffering from dementia in Malta will be around 7,000. Those that need help can contact the Malta Dementia Society on www.maltadementiasociety.org.mt. Let’s close this bracket and return to the wards.

The newly built wards are very well furnished. They provide a pleasant environment for the residents and the people who visit them. More important than the physical environment (which is also very important) is the professionalism and dedication of the staff of the ward. The execution of their duties is exemplary and praiseworthy. The staff regularly organises activities for the residents. In fact just three or four days before the official opening, the staff organised a mass and a BBQ in the large yard of the wards. I was privileged to be the celebrant. These efforts by the staff help to improve the quality of life of the dementia patients and their relatives.

A word of special thanks is due to Parliamentary Secretary Mario Galea who does a lot of valuable work in silence. His dedication does not go unnoticed. His personal struggle against depression makes him more, and not less fit, for the job he is doing. Mr Galea can empathise with people in need. He does a lot and helps a legion. Well done.