Kristina Chetcuti
Hello, my name is Cleavage
What would you do if your child came back from school one day and told you she had a boy in her class called Cleavage?
Surely, you would think, there's a mistake somewhere? But no, there isn't. Cross my heart: it's a real name given to a real boy in Malta. His mother, bless her, is delirious with pride that her son has a unique name: "I had to register it, as there's no one else with that name," she told a friend of mine.
Here's another real one: a father accompanying his toddler to the clinic told a doctor his daughter's name was Dyslexia but, sorry, he wasn't sure how to spell it.
Another mother gave her daughter a practically unpronounceable nine-letter name. She explained her word-game strategy: "Every month during my pregnancy I chose a letter and then at the end of the nine months, I jumbled them up and came up with this name."
Another parent was equally haughty about the 'avant-garde' names she gave her sons. "This one is Skylander," she said as she pushed them to the front, "And this one is Cleverson. Eh? What do you think?"
What do you think indeed? We've all heard of Jurassic Pace, of Britney Spears Borg, or Celine Dion Darmanin, Mysharona Brincat. Why, I had even heard of Jack Daniels Falzon. But Dyslexia? Cleavage?
If I'm honest, this is the stuff of severe attacks of giggles. I mean, Cleverson? Are we resorting to Red Indian nomenclature now? What ever next? Dances-with-wolves Vella?
But then when I wondered if these were just one-offs and was firmly told they are, in certain areas, quite the norm, it felt like a slap in the face. You would think you know the society you live in. Here I am, week in week out, writing about social issues when really half the population is simply concerned about having babies just so they can give them more original names than their neighbours' children.
I wouldn't like to think that parents inflict such torturous names on their children on purpose. So the problem is, of course, sheer, utter ignorance. And I can say this safe in the knowledge that no one will be hurt reading this article, because parents of these kids cannot know how to read in English. I hope, against hope, that at least they do read in Maltese - but I have my doubts.
Because it's not just the names. It's other things too. Here's another incident, which I know sounds like a 'have you heard the one about?': A lady patient was given suppositories to treat a particular ailment. She went back a couple of days later, complaining that she couldn't swallow them.
The doctor politely explained that she has to insert them in her patata (bottom). She returned some days later baffled because try as she might, she just couldn't get the suppositories to melt in mashed potatoes. My friend, stumped, had no choice but to resort to the vernacular of 'arse' in Maltese. "Oh. Why didn't you say so, immediately?" said the woman.
Again I can vouch this is a real story. And so is the one about the woman who was diagnosed with a cardiac murmur, and told the nurse that they had found a mermaid in her heart. Or the fact that hundreds of women - teenagers and twenty-somethings - do not know how to say period. They say 'imperial'!
And this is very worrisome. If you don't know the proper name of something that you get every month of your life, it means that you just repeat the sounds you hear, parrot-like, and you don't bother to improve when corrected, and you are illiterate.
It is simply unacceptable for the new generations to be unable to read basic English. There is simply no excuse for it. My own grandmother, now in her 80s, never learnt English at school. She just painstakingly took up reading and kept at it, and last week even won the Bookworm of the Year at our local library.
I'm not claiming to be a clever clogs but, if people do not read, how can they actually think? I suddenly have this nagging fear that our society is made up, mostly, of people who do not think. Yet they have a vote. And they get to decide on very important things such as referenda issues. I shudder to think how they can decide on concepts they can't even grasp.
Perhaps it's time we stopped laughing at ignorance and started taking serious action, by for example, insisting on stricter rules at the Department of Public Registry: 'Cleavage' is one name that should have been categorically rejected.
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Michel Galea
Dec 5th 2011, 14:26
Here`s one for you... About 3 years ago I was christmas shopping. Whilst riding the escalator going down a lower floor, I noticed a young mother walking with an empty stroller infront of her, when she annoyingly turns around and calls out, "Ejja Tiesto", after which I see this 2 year old toddler frantically walking towards her. Are we taking up the habit of naming our children the place of their conception also?
Mr Stephen Farrugia
Dec 5th 2011, 13:04
Jurrasic Pace :D
Adrian Barnes
Sep 6th 2011, 00:28
maltese families, especially young families, have this craze for giving their children ridiculous names! just go to a park or kids play ground, and listen out for moms calling their kids names out. youd be amazed. somtimes they sound like they join more than one name, into one! or just the whole family history...
C Cremona
Sep 5th 2011, 23:23
I think parents should also consider whether the name is suitable when pronounced with the surname (within their community) .. I heard of really hilarious names such as :
Russell Fenech ( Ras il- fenech)
Shaun Mula ( Xommulha )
Guda Facciol
Jacqueline Sammut
Aug 9th 2011, 19:15
I spent the last five minutes laughing so much,reading this article-but stupidity in name calling among the Maltese because they do not know the English language is one thing...but I think some American and English celebrities are far more stupid in calling their offspring!!Like Apple-Audio Science-Blue Angel-Camera-Fifi Trixibell-Hopper-Lark song-Poppy Honey and Rocket...oh and let's not forget the latest Harper Seven-daughter of Victoria and David Beckham.
Mr P Borg
May 22nd 2011, 23:12
I'd rather have all the weird names of the universe that the current gazillion Marias and Lukes. Malta needs any break from it's mediocrity it can get!
David J. Hili
Sep 2nd 2011, 04:40
Agreed, Mr. Borg, but names like Cleavage??
Paul A Vella
Apr 27th 2010, 16:08
I have personally heard of Remona instead of Ramona being given to a child by her mother who had heard the name but could not spell it right and she was registered that way...about 4 years ago I heard of a boy named Inzaghi when this is meant to be a surname as well as other cases going by the name of Causio, Bettega, Becks and most recently Rooney.
There is nothing wrong with being original but using surnames for first names is ridiculous...of course some people think "If Beckham and Victoria can name their kid Brooklyn, why can't we?"
Could the Cleavage name have been misinterpreted for Cleaven by any chance? I know of someone going by that name and we used to take the mickey out of him for that when we were still young!!
Nick Psaila-savona
May 22nd 2011, 11:59
. . . . and what about "sticked on it" instead of "stuck on it" or "distractful"as opposed to "distracting" or "wordding" instead of "wording" just to mention but a few.
l.zammit
Apr 23rd 2010, 13:26
. . . . and what about: Justin Said (just in said) and Justin Case (just in case)
. . . . and if we mention wordding on cars . . . . . . most use are shameful (ex. 'put some lipstick on my dipstick') . . . . once i also came across a van and on its back window had a large prayer sticked on it! . . . besided they are all distractful!
. . . . and what about some wording/letters/number used on number plates . . . . .
I ask where are the responsible authorities who should control these? &...... is all this a reflection of a 'Smart Island'? . . . . .
A.Quintano
May 10th 2010, 13:15
i once had the "privilege" to drive behind an isuzu with a sticker "your jealousy is my energy". i clearly see your point.
Marianna Galea Xuereb
Apr 19th 2010, 09:36
I am all for the public registry enlightening parents about the possible repercussions of lumping their children with certain names, but this will still not be any guarantee that a child might not have problems (or even lose job opportunities as an adult) because of an unusual name or a name that is perfectly acceptable in one’s own culture but means something entirely different in another language.
I trust most of us have heard or read the rumour about Ambassador Akbar Zeb - which may or may not be true. Mr. Zeb himself denied it after all. But then again nobody really expects diplomats and politicians to utter perfect truth all the time.
http://blog.foreignpolicy.com/posts/2010/02/03/ambassador_at_very_large
http://blog.foreignpolicy.com/posts/2010/02/12/the_akbar_zeb_sto
Peter Korsten
Apr 19th 2010, 08:57
Well, even if you give your son a very regular Christian name, and that name happens to be French (a double name, only two syllables in total), it's somewhat disenchanting to find out that the vast majority of the Maltese are unable to pronounce it properly, or even turn it into its Italian equivalent.
Our son, only seven years old, already changes the pronunciation depending on whether he talks to a Maltese, or his Dutch part of the family.
M.Galea
Apr 17th 2010, 15:23
Many years ago (about 30) during one of my teenage outings, I was at Ghar Hasan and a woman was looking for her son and calling him by name......"Oshito"! Can you imagine going through life with that name in Malta ? Hopefully the poor soul changed it....
Amaryllis Agius
Apr 17th 2010, 14:06
Well, I for one, have a highly uncommon name, which I love. I'm more used to see it written on home facades then anywhere else. Admittedly, it's also irritating to have to repeat my name about twice or three times to people I am introducing myself to, and still sometimes they do not get it right, till they get used to it.
However, I wouldn't change my name, and modestly speaking, I like the fact that it's uncommon. After all, it is meant to represent something pleasant, and thankfully one finds it on every list of baby names one looks up.
So I would say that to be intelligent, rather than opting for traditional, common names especially when parents would like to be original, they should look into their baby's name and see what it means. And please, check whether it (seriously) makes sense.
E Micallef
Apr 15th 2010, 21:32
well how about Jammin !!!
A.Baldacchino
Apr 15th 2010, 15:54
@ Derek Grillo.. lol... when you asssume, you make an ass of u and me :)
Adrian Cachia
Apr 15th 2010, 15:41
I hope some people writing in here were not laughing when MP Owen Bonnici asked a parliamentary question regarding the law and that a person should be allowed to change his name at least once in his lifetime.
I wouldn't want to carry Cleavage as a name my whole lifetime!
Josef Florian
Apr 15th 2010, 15:41
I agree with most of you. this is a form of ignorance, but in my opinion, not because of the name , but because of the repercussions it will have on the children.
If education fails (it can especially since we live in a democratic society where our rulers are not necessarily intelligent), should regulations be set in place as a last resort? The church had the authority to deny parents a name they choose. Was this fair? I think most were and are still against it today. So where do you draw the line?
Also keep in mind that most names which we think derive from saints, were derived from something else before that... You might be interested to know that the names Deborah and Philip mean 'Queen Bee' and Lover of Horses' respectively. Laugh all you may but if they had the right to attribute names to whatever they liked, why can't we? If they were trend setters themselves, why can't we be in "modern" culture? (I emphasize the ")
The only difference is the mentality nowadays, and whereas they used to use nouns back then, now we use phrases and made up words.
M.Portelli
Apr 15th 2010, 01:42
Ahhh the beauty of Strange names - I remember Causio and Bettiga Cuschieri were two brothers I've met. But to be fair this isn't limited to the Maltese Isles; my two favourite in fact come from:
New Zealand: Talula does the Hula in Hawaii (yes thats the whole name)
UK: Drew Peacock (doesn't look strange - say it quickly)
R Scicluna
Apr 15th 2010, 11:27
Drew Peacock!!!! Oh goodness, that is so funny, thanks for that! I hope he doesn't live up to his name!!! LOL
M.Portelli
Apr 15th 2010, 14:54
Haha - yes poor thing - there was an aricle on it a few years ago on the british press - the parents wanted to change his name after realising what their son's name actually sounded like (the boy was aged about 4)
D Azzopardi
Apr 14th 2010, 15:54
I'm sorry C Mallia, but your comments are well and truly off the mark. You seem to suggest that Malta is isolated in its ignorance, but ignorant masses can be found in every society you care to mention, and relatively speaking, Malta isn't doing all that bad when you look at the statistics.
As my right and honourable colleague Mr. Spiteri so succinctly put it, this article does well to highlight the shortcomings of the society we live in, but drawing any conclusions on the evidence proferred, specifically as to whether universal suffrage or 'name control' by the Registry should be brought into discussion, is undeniably premature and short-sighted.
C Mallia, perhaps you might have done well to check your elitist inclinations at the door. According to the evolution theory you seem so enthusiastic to depend on in support of your argument, species of the same genetic makeup tend to put all their efforts towards distinguishing themselves from each other, as opposed to the more intellectually advanced species who merely see lower-form species as potential meals.
Perhaps your plight is the self-fulfilled prophecy of the latter scenario. Huxley might have agreed..
C Mallia
Apr 15th 2010, 02:13
@D Azzopardi
It's regrettable that you deemed fit to read so far into my fairly concise remark, meant more in humour than a manifesto... nevertheless a response is in order...
firstly, I in do not retain the view that the conduct referred to in this article is unique to our island, one need only look to the UK for equally preposterous approaches to naming progeny, or indeed to the African American community in the US, whose creativity in moniker creation humbles the ignorance addled efforts of the local species of 'name artistes'. One might have hoped that being an island we may have been isolated from these endeavors in idiocy, but alas the age of information has set that ship to sail.
as for your evolution musing, I fail to see its relevance, or rather the lack of clarity with which your ramblings were worded do not allow an effective gauge of its significance,
in no way do I endorse a 'name control', as the Cleavages and Rodents of the world just make elitism that much more enjoyable. But as a victim of elitism (apparently), you would't get it...
C Mallia
Apr 14th 2010, 14:15
Brilliant - It's like I've just read a synopsis of my own thoughts on the glorification of ignorance this country seemingly strives towards.
thank-you, for publicly highlighting that we live in a country of Huxlean 'Epsilon Semi Morons', but who strut about like they run the show.
Mark
Apr 13th 2010, 19:06
We should have a program on Xarabank on this subject! Bet it'll be hilarious! :D
Derek Grillo
Apr 13th 2010, 17:36
The suppository woman brings back joyful memories of the days when I was selling skin-care in a village pharmacy.
A lady sidled up to me, and discreetly confessed about how her irritated skin embarrassed her. Sure enough, her face was very ruddy and flushed. As chance would have it, I was promoting glass skin-care ampoules, much like what hairdressers sometimes use on our hair. I gave her one, and explained that it had a calming effect on red skin, and she thanked me heartily.
Imagine my confusion the following day, when an even ruddier-faced lady stomped up to the counter, placing the glass ampoule in my hand, complaining that it didn't work. How could it not have, I asked, if it was still intact? Whereupon she snapped back that she had inserted it up her anus, only to find it in her morning toilet. Intact.
Please note that the ampoule was lying in my hand...
It turned out that when she had approached me in the first place, she had been talking about thrush, and had mistaken me for the pharmacist because I looked 'tà l-iskola'.
Priceless.
I take the blame for having misunderstood.
Jason Spiteri
Apr 13th 2010, 16:17
I loved this article while I thought it was just a brutal dig by the author at the those she considers her inferiors - but isn't the 'oh-I'm-worried-about-the-fate-of-our-nation' tone at the end a bit out of place?
Isn't it rationally very weak to jump to conclusions on themes such as universal suffrage, democracy (and whether their measly vote makes any difference anyhow) based on people's quirky preferences for names? Isn't it very parochial, insular or even rather petty to write about this as though Malta were the only country with a majority of idiots peopling it?
I'd argue that if anything, it's actually the very weak intellectual foundations of the supposed 'intelligentsia' (the 'educated elite' of that fills our offices of power, makes political and administrative decisions for the collective good and influences public opinion through the media that makes this such a screwed-up country...
Joe Fenech
Apr 13th 2010, 14:46
How about....
Stew Pid , Amber Sill, Jar Hun, Bo Loch, Edna Lew Rah....
i.scicluna
Apr 13th 2010, 14:26
veru li dan il- pajjiz mimli b' nies injoranti. imma mill- kummenti li qrajt hawn hafna snobs ukoll!
amifsud
Apr 13th 2010, 13:20
"And I can say this safe in the knowledge that no one will be hurt reading this article, because parents of these kids cannot know how to read in English"
...and you judge people because of this? Are they of a different class, and lesser intelligence than you? Where can I read your Maltese article on this subject?
Mark-Anthony Fenech
Apr 14th 2010, 09:27
If they don't know any English then it might be safe to say that yes, they are less intelligent.. One cannot afford to be lacking in a language which is fast becoming a global language; consider that most of the products are labelled in English, programming commands are at their most basic expressed in English etc etc etc
amifsud
Apr 15th 2010, 03:06
Oh no. not you as well....."programming commands" in english. what are you on about???
This has nothing to with my complaint about how the author of this article comes across as having such a superiority complex over anybody who doesn't speak english.
kate bonello sullivan
Apr 13th 2010, 13:17
Many people name their houses by shortening and adding their names together such as a house in Rabat called 'condom' - short for Connie and Dominic!!
Fleur Hili
Apr 12th 2010, 23:14
Well bad as they seam I have heard the worst ever, an English boy residing in St.Paul`s Bay called "Cavalli".
Mummy did not know that Cavalli means horses, so this gives me the impression that even English speaking minorities mess up their children future with stupid names!
J.Camilleri
Apr 12th 2010, 22:15
Mela nsejtuh DALLAS ! In our neighbourhood there was this family having the whole cast in their house ... named ... PRISCILLA, SUE ELLEN, JR, PAMELA etc . But the best part was when they used to come out from the balcony calling them for dinner ... Priscillaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, PAAAmela ejja ha tiekol lol ! It was hilarious for us kids.
Brigid Garroni
Apr 12th 2010, 18:47
True, in the same way that car registration plate names are monitored before registration.
I've heard of a Richwashe - from the song lyrics: "Rich was she, came from a very good family".
Truly Rich!
g.dalli
Apr 12th 2010, 15:16
What about TIESTO??...i know an 8 year old boy who is actually named like this lol
Daniel Vella
Apr 12th 2010, 13:51
"I suddenly have this nagging fear that our society is made up, mostly, of people who do not think."
Unfortunately I came to this conclusion a long long time ago. We have a serious case of mass-ignorance here in Malta, and it's about time it was tackled.
PJ Mifsud
Apr 12th 2010, 13:34
A most interesting article that highlights the flabbergasting stupidities that some pathetic parents are prepared to perpetrate in an effort to choose a unique name for their offspring. It's a real pity that the offspring are compelled to be saddled with these silly names for the rest of their lives and to bear all the humiliating leg-pulling that follows as part and parcel of the funny names imposed.
In all honesty, I am convinced that the Church Authorities must draw the line (as they did in the past) with regard to whether to accept the imposed name or not. The Church has shifted its prerogative in this regard from one extreme to the other in the space of just one generation. My in-laws were faced with a problem when they opted to name my wife Mary Rose. No extraordinary name surely!!
However the then parish priest (God bless his soul) objected and insisted on using what he considered as the latinized form of the name - Maria Rosaria. It should be noted that Rosaria bears no relation and is definitely NOT the latinised form of the name Rose.
Cleavage Cox
Apr 12th 2010, 12:53
Hey Kristina,
What's wrong in my name? How home I've become a matter of such a sociological study?
All I can say is that every man loves my name, and women are delighted by my surname! :)
And by the way, my mama knows how to read English, and a couple of other different languages.
Peace on you my lady.
C. J. C.
Marton Saliba
Apr 13th 2010, 23:23
You name is Cleavage then?Hope you're chest is well endowed at least ;p
And you last name is Cox?!
Absolutely nothing is wrong with your name!
o. galea
Apr 12th 2010, 12:25
I was about to mention Richwashe but somebody beat me to it... Yes, she exists ! as do Cleavage and Mysharona .
And one I met myself in person.... Frauline. (meaning "Miss" in German)
Frankly, i think it is also the responsibility of the Public Registry officials to bring this to the attention of the proud parents. I know if I was about to make such a gaffe, I would want to be told.
What surprises me is that probably, re Cleavage, the parents are now painfully aware of the meaning and YET... have not endeavoured to change his name. Now THAT is the real shame of it all.
What is protocol at the public registry when they come across these odd instances. When for instance, a boy is given a girl's name ? (I do not mean one that is used for both males and females) but a proper girl's name.... i.e. Gayle (or Gail) ? Shouldn't the public registry official inform the parents ? Or would that be spoiling the fun ?
Ramon Casha
Apr 12th 2010, 07:58
Rather than rules on names, enact laws that entitle children to sue their parents for years of humiliation and suffering based on their given name.
Tanja Cilia
Apr 11th 2010, 19:32
... to think that one of my uncles had a problem with naming one of my cousins "Godwin" because the parish priest had never heard of it before... to think that kids made fun of a peer called Shane... to think that teachers insisted with Dean Martin's mother that the child begins to use a middle name too... the mind boggles!
J. Schembri
Apr 11th 2010, 19:28
RICHWASSHE is another name!
Remember how the song Angelo goes?
Darran Agius
Apr 11th 2010, 14:48
Kristina, the main thing that struck me about your article is the fact that we have to stop making fun of such ignorance and do something fruitful about it. And this is by educating the uneducated. I would be the first one to admit that this issue is often discussed within my social circle in an unfruitful manner. Rather than saying what needs to be done, we just use such ignorance as a form of social entertainment and laughter. Though I find it amusing that "Raisin Sultana" was born at the "Mother's Day HospitAl", I think it is about time that the Government and other institutions such as NGOs start tackling this social problem ASAP.
Joseph Cauchi
Apr 11th 2010, 14:48
And these type of parents have the same voting powers as you and me!
Long live Democracy!
JC.
ftheuma
Apr 11th 2010, 22:14
Well indeed they have. There would be certain individuals, of whom you seem to be one, that yearn for the disenfranchisement of the ignorant whereas what should be done is the eradication of ignorance.
Joe Mifsud
Apr 11th 2010, 14:46
Funny article... perhaps you can do a follow up on doctor-patient confidentiality?
Rules on names? Come on, who's to judge what is right? Some elite name authority in malta? :)
Jane Dawson
Apr 11th 2010, 14:30
And what about the couple who named their 2 daughters Experiment and Ecstacy, in that order?!
About the poor Cleavage boy. I try to imagine him married to a jealous woman, who tells her friends to "Stop gazing at my Cleavage".
If it weren't that sad, one would have to laugh.
John Spiteri
Apr 11th 2010, 12:56
Worst case i heard was a lad called Rodent. apparently his dad believed that it was the English version of Redent(ur)...
Mark A. Sammut
Apr 11th 2010, 12:13
1. Control on names was previously carried out by the Church. Since many of the previous functions of the Church had now been taken up by the State, it makes sense that Public Registry officials adopt some sort of criteria.
2. Extrapolating the argument on whether UNIVERSAL suffrage is a good idea, one could find oneself supporting anti-democratic values. Other, bigger (and therefore normal) countries do not have almost-100% turnouts at elections. Their illiterate classes simply do not vote. So the problem in Malta is not universal suffrage (which is based on the idea that people can climb the social ladder), but clientelism. Once that problem is eradicated (if ever!), then turnout figures will dwindle to normality, as the illiterate classes will understand they are not understanding the game and will therefore opt out.
3. The classist reduction of Maltese is obnoxious, I'm sorry to say. Maltese is NOT for the uneducated and English for the educated, as the premise seems to be here. Intelligent (and complex) thoughts have been, are still are being, written in Maltese.
E.Muscat
Apr 11th 2010, 11:38
You have hit on one of the idiocies of the pathetic maltese:long time ago they start with naming their children names such as Napoleon even if their surname was less complimentary and now in their quest for uniqueness they name them after cars,diseases,and nothing at all!
Long live the proletariat.
The italians,being more intelligent,still go for the nicer traditional names!
Danika Vella
Apr 11th 2010, 10:58
relevant article. thanks for your insight Ms Chetcuti.