Half-measures are better than no measures...

Now that S. Piano has been persuaded - if that's the word - to at least partly cover the proposed white eleph- er theatre at City Gate, it seems that a new word has entered our lexicon. To 'pianise' a project means to only partly complete it.

For example: we understand, from impeachable sources, of course, that since the, er, thing that is to occupy the opera house site is to get only a partial roof, a similar pianisation is planned for the new parliament building.

The parliament's proposed elevator will only extend as far as the first floor. From there up to the third floor, a staircase is to be built. Then from the third floor up to the roof, access will only be possible via a rope ladder. This is estimated to save a good deal of money, to be precise, €84 and 27 euro cents. Well worth it.

Further savings within the new parliament building are also mooted.

For instance, the building is to be fitted with a new, ecologically-friendly sewage disposal system.

All the drains in the building - including those running from the WCs, will drain into an open collecting pit in the centre of each room, where a large hole will allow all waste products and water to drain through all the ceilings of the building, down into a large septic tank, to be constructed beneath the basement.

This will circumnavigate the need to construct sewage pipes running throughout the building and draining into the already overstretched sewage system of Valletta. Anyone using the building will have to remember not to cross directly beneath each opening.

Once a month, a honey wagon will reverse into a parking dock at the rear of the building and suck up the contents of the septic tank, in order to dispose of it in somebody else's backyard. Yes, I agree, it might stink a bit in summer and attract one or two flies, but what a wonderfully eco-sensitive solution to a perennial waste disposal problem.

And the all-pervasive influence of pianisation is not just confined to City Gate; it's happening all over our islands. We hear that a brand new football stadium to be constructed at Ta' Qali will only have goalposts at one end. This should ensure that when Malta plays home matches there, the opposition will only be able to score in either the first or second halves. This has the converse effect of being the same for the Malta team. But since we rarely seem to score anyway... it shouldn't make much difference and will save the exchequer the cost of constructing and fitting an extra set of goalposts and nets.

Another saving will be achieved with the construction of a state-of-the-art swimming pool near San Ġwann. The pool, which is Olympic size, looks stunning on paper - and promises to be the most attractive outdoor swimming facility in Malta.

But... in order to save a considerable amount of money, the waterproof membrane under the pool will be only placed along half the pool. So... in the interests of saving water, the pool cannot be filled. It looks beautiful, but anyone taking a header in off the top board would be advised to wear a crash helmet.

This pianism business is obviously going to set a trend. After all, we are talking about the work of one of the world's greatest architects. There is talk of a brand new pianistic restaurant to be built in Paceville. It will be perfect in every detail except for one thing... it will have no kitchen.

Pianisation will even be extended to the domestic front. We hear that our brightest and most innovative architects are falling over themselves to design villas, bungalows, apartments and maisonettes with so-called essential features, either missing or restricted.

Good examples of the sort of thing to be expected are windowless villas, floorless apartments and bungalows built with only half the foundations excavated.

Well why not... if Piano can design a theatre with only half a roof...