Paul A. Attard, Birkirkara
Too many children born out of wedlock
Over 28 per cent of children were born out of wedlock in 2008 - 1,048 out of 3,721 births (March 10). Just 12 years earlier, the figure was below six per cent. This is a remarkable increase that should make us ask what is happening in our islands. The single mothers I know are doing an excellent job and raising their children in the best way possible in the, sometimes very challenging, circumstances.
However, one may wish to ask what percentage of these births are the result of a considered, conscious, planned, mutually-agreed decision between a young woman and a young man who care and are responsible for their decision and what percentage of these births are the result of use, abuse, exploitation, peer pressure, bullying, force, drink, drugs?
My guess, though I did not carry out any survey, is that a very high percentage are the result of unwanted, unexpected pregnancies, possibly taking place in the modern youth "underworld".
This issue is certainly an area worth investigating, studying and discussing both on Xarabank and at University level. I am sure this situation under its various aspects is of particular interest to both the Church and the state. The natural birth place of a child is with a loving and caring father and mother. Psychologists will tell you that a child needs both. Notice that I have not used the word "family".
During a public presentation a couple of years ago, I recall a leading authority on the family stating that Malta would bear the full impact of a growing number of children born out of wedlock within a few years.
I hope no one will suggest that the solution is simply more sex education, or the condom, for heavens' sake. Values may probably have to be considered as well.
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D.Galea
Mar 14th 2010, 12:05
I'll state simply that regarding this matter the country is only reaping from what it's been sowing for a long time. And for some to call this Christian & morally wrong, think again, money has been let to take over in the importance of such a sacrament, if Jesus Christ was so disgusted to have created havoc at the merchant table in his time, what would he do in the present day especially on these islands? Face the simple truth that Weddings have become one of the biggest rip-offs.
S Atlamyob
Mar 13th 2010, 21:09
@Paul Attard you're absolutely correct in your research, wisely stating the key words that make all the difference, particularly in today’s society," A child needs both parents". I might add, equally so, and a question mark at the end of your title?
A disenfranchised single parent/teacher myself, I salute you for pointing out the facts rather than the, Oh so popular, discriminating propaganda regurgitated by the "custody industry" and mindless masses.
@J Debono, as usual, really progressive insightful observations and statements, Spot on!
@ Others, the most sophisticated debate I've read in these pages to-date!
Decades of research, observations, and direct involvement related to the "child custody/divorce industry", have concluded these facts;
If one rewards a behavior, one is most likely to see that behavior repeated.
Sex with desirable partners, babies/children, and guaranteed lifelong financial security are extremely rewarding
Throw in free & trustworthy biological babysitters for the duration of the kid/kids' childhood also.
How about unprecedented medial, governmental, and peer physiological support,
on top of that?
This and much more is currently exclusively guaranteed to most women if they chose to become mothers...
Harmony cannot exist if mum lives on Easy street and dad on Dante’s’inferno circle.
Exhibit-(a)
http://www.theinsider.com/news/1668792_Octo_Mom_Nadya_Suleman_On_Welfare_Food_Stamps_3_Kids_On_Disability_Interview_Video
T Vella
Mar 13th 2010, 19:32
The second reason why unmarried women are having babies is because they are not having responsible sex and some of women are teenagers. It’s important to make this distinction- not all single mothers are “mature”, some are just schoolgirls and find themselves pregnant and in a lot of trouble, but THEY GET HELP, from the Schoolgirls’ Mothers’ Unit, from their own parents and grannies, from the support of classmates, and from the boyfriend’s family. With such encouragement, how can a teenage girl not feel comfortable with her baby? Today society no longer shuns single mothers and this is a contributing factor to the problem.
One final point – young women today are very bold. If they don’t want their surprise pregnancy, they terminate it.
T Vella
Mar 13th 2010, 19:32
Having babies out of wedlock seems to be a trend, or a new value. I can think of two reasons why unmarried women are having babies – one is because they are choosing it – they seem to be lacking something and need to fill the void in their hearts with a baby because they need someone to love – not a man or a live-in boyfriend or a husband but a baby, someone they can call their own and who will never let them down (as men sometimes do). Babies give women a lot of joy and for an unmarried woman to choose to become pregnant when she can get so much help from parents and from state benefits, well, why not?
Marianna Galea Xuereb
Mar 13th 2010, 19:06
Being "born out of wedlock" does not necessarily imply that the father is absent from the child's life and in practice there is absolutely no gaurantee of "eternal wedlock" when one gets married.
Whatever moralists may theorize, at the end of the day truly fulfilling sexual relations are governed more by hormones and mutual attraction and compatibility between a couple then by any amount of marriage vows, legislation and cultural norms. That is why what are labelled as "sordid affairs" sometimes happen between people who have both been in totally faithful, long term relationships prior to the "affair".
laurence schembri
Mar 13th 2010, 18:57
Giovanni has got a point, this is an abuse that has got to stop, the problem, how.
Better than being dead, that what a neighbour received not long ago. A claim in their letter-box to a person that he went to see the Lord some 17 years ago.
laurence schembri
Mar 13th 2010, 18:49
Edward. I do know what I`m talking about, end of last year the youngest was just fourteen.
laurence schembri
Mar 13th 2010, 15:17
What has divorce got to do with 14 15,16 year old having babies, Karl?
Education is what`s needed, contraception is so easily available today, it makes one wonder why it`s happening, unless of course these girls have really got that mother instinct in them, and they do want babies, odd at that age, but it can be so.
Edward Camilleri
Mar 13th 2010, 17:08
Nowhere in the article is mentioned that these children were born to 14 15,16 year old, or unplanned as you seem to imply. Correct me if I'm wrong.
Laurence, ever thought that these children were born to parents who DO NOT want to marry, or cannot marry because they cannot get an annulment for whatever reason?
GiovDeMartino
Mar 13th 2010, 14:38
Single Mothers!!!!What a misnomer! The majority of these so called single mothers are pogguti. They get money from their partner, many of them have a pt job and they receive money from the taxpayer. Some time ago Min Tonio Fenech assured us that he would look into the matter! So far nothing has been done. And the Taxmen wanted to take me to court because they said that some ten years ago I still owed the ONE MALTESE LIRA. In fact my tax payment arrived a few days late and I was fined ONE LIRA.
Muscat Pat
Mar 13th 2010, 14:36
If Mr Attard puts Xarabank and the University on the same scale, then I am afraid, Mr Attard has a very low opinion of the university.!
joseph grech
Mar 13th 2010, 14:27
Terz tat-trabi mghamda fxi rokna bil-biebin tal-knisja mghaluqha.
Investiment perfett fil-antagonizmu futur ghal knisja ta' Kristu.
Quo Vadis Kurja?
Peter Dingli
Mar 13th 2010, 14:19
' taking place in the modern youth "underworld". What underground.!! You must be joking. Boy meets girl Boy likes girl
Girl likes boy .Bang! no Underworld at all . Its been going on since Adam was a pup! And yes I will bring up Condoms,
and Sex education and yes although you did not mention it I will mention the elephant in the room that is abortion. As
has been mentioned before, wealthy women who can afford to travel and have abortions do so, the rest must stay home and
put up with patronising comments about wedlock and morality and society by folk who are comfortable in their christian
judgemental ivory towers.
Claire Busuttil
Mar 13th 2010, 13:51
The government is urging this thing to happen....with all the benefits, that one gets, when his children are born, outside the marriage...unlike, the ones who get married...and then have children....
g. scerri
Mar 13th 2010, 13:23
An excellent and thoughtful letter but for one thing. A serious discussion of such an issue is definitely NOT Xarabank material.
Les Hickens@
Mar 13th 2010, 12:59
I still mentain that getting married in church or in a registry office is only a piece of paper for security reason and to show the neighbours, i found over the years back home that couple who live together and do have siblings tend to last a lot longer then the couples that show their neighbours how good the reception was or in general show offs or better still the registry office its much cheaper, its only my way of thinkin gofcourse, others who are still iving in the past will differ, anything excuse for a free knees up.
J. Debono
Mar 13th 2010, 11:36
"The single mothers I know are doing an excellent job and raising their children in the best way possible in the, sometimes very challenging, circumstances."
You are perfectly right, single mothers are doing an excellent job, however the abscence of a parent, is always missed greatly by both the child AND the other parent.
I do not know why this increase and will not even bother to guess, however, there needs to be done something to decrease as much as possible children who are raised by only one parent, as this will affect them greatly in their development.
And studies show that grandparents are not a substitute for the real parents - latest studies show that children raised by grandparents has a significantly higher chance of being obese (probabilment ghax iffisduhom aktar :-)) )
Karl Consiglio
Mar 13th 2010, 11:16
Improve the situation by legalizing divorce.
Dr John Damai
Mar 13th 2010, 13:37
X'ghandu xjaqsam id-divorzju meta lanqas qed jizzewgu? Is-sugget huwa li tfal illegitimi qed jitwieldu u irgiel ma' iridux responsabilta'. Id-divorzju jista izid in-numru ta' tfal bla missier mhux inaqsu.
Edward Camilleri
Mar 13th 2010, 17:01
Although I used to argue like you, lately I tend to hold a different opinion. Since the rate of unmarried parents and therefore unmarried couples living together is increasing steadily who needs divorce? We are going to be in a situation that marriage, especially the church one, is irrelevant. I mean irrelevant because the lack of divorce, and the lengthy/costly process of annulment, is making separation much more attractive. And if a person has separated, even if he/she wishes, cannot re-marry.
Arguments against divorce do not hold. Every country in the world, except the Philippines have it. It would be interesting to know how do we compare, with our separations/unmarried couples and children born out of wedlock, with countries that have divorce. I'm sure we will be near the top of the worst list.
laurence schembri
Mar 13th 2010, 11:09
Paul, what makes you think that something strange is happening to our Island.
This sort of thing has been going on since Adam and Eve, today is more in the open, that is what is happening and a good thing too.
As long as the children are giving love and care by their parents, that is all that matters.
Franco Farrugia
Mar 13th 2010, 10:23
Are all children born within married couples 'wanted'? I doubt it.