Helena Dalli
Porn as sex education
In the whirlwind of debates - on families, marriages, teen pregnancies, divorce, censorship - and at times fossilised positions taken by one side or the other, we seem to be ignoring one major factor: ubiquitous internet pornography and how relationships are affected by this.
For many young people, online pornography is becoming their introduction to sexual expression. Yet, there is a dangerous silence and porn is not discussed publicly even though in the last decade there has been an overwhelming surge of its availability via the internet, promoting a skewed view of sex as the norm and sabotaging the idea of intimacy.
Seventy-five per cent of relationship counsellors in the UK say that it is very common to see use of internet pornography as a major problem in relationships. In her book Living Dolls, which came out last week, Natasha Walter argues that pornography has a strong effect on young people's eagerness and ability to enter into intimate relationships. She claims that teenagers are regularly watching porn on the web and that "before they have touched another person sexually or entered into any kind of sexual relationship, they have seen hundreds of adult strangers having sex", and unprotected sex, at that.
When Ms Walter was interviewing young women at Cambridge University for her book, she was struck by the fact that all agreed that they would never want a man to see them or have sex if they hadn't depilated their pubic hair. This is tied to porn: they know what men will have seen and what they will expect. Walter points out that - in spite of their high level of education - they hardly realise that, in this world of porn, women are nothing but sex-objects to be used and abused. Teenage boys, on the other hand, became anxious about the size of their penises. Others were worried that porn has become so normalised that anyone objecting to it will be laughed at, even though some are aware of how pornography threatens intimacy.
A report in The Times of London points at research, which suggests that 60 per cent of boys under 16 in the UK have been - accidentally or deliberately - exposed to pornography, even those who have filters in their home PCs (they watch elsewhere). The average amount of time they spend watching pornography on the internet is 90 minutes a week. In Malta, we do not have this kind of data but, from the information we have on the use of pornography websites, we can get an idea of the situation.
At the time of writing this piece, alexa.com - the site which gives information about websites - ranked a particular site for live sex and a porn site respectively at the 22nd and 43rd place in popularity with Maltese users. The live sex site is the 18th most accessed in the UK and the other is the 48th, so we're on fairly similar ground. To put that in perspective with other site rankings for Malta: Facebook is in the first place; di-ve.com in the 33rd place; play.com, the popular free delivery shopping site is in 35th place; skysports.com 50th; amazon.co.uk 54th and cnn.com 58th.
There are tons of literature on how our cultures are becoming "pornified" and the effects this has on relationships. Michael Flood, who carried out a study - Harms of Pornography Exposure Among Children and Young People - at the Australian Research Centre in Sex, Health and Society, published last November, says that "there is compelling evidence from around the world that pornography has negative effects on individuals and communities. We know it is shaping sexual knowledge. Some people may think that is good. But porn is a very poor sex educator because it shows sex in unrealistic ways and fails to address intimacy and connection... Often it is callous and hostile in its depictions of women".
According to Stanley Ruszczynski, clinical director at the NHS foundation trust in London, "even with soft, normal, sexual pornography there is the issue about addiction. The whole thing about relationships is that you have to deal with the reality of the person - you have to negotiate, compromise or adapt to someone's needs. With a piece of pornography you can choose whatever nature of person you want to see. There is a fantasy of omnipotence, a fantasy of being in charge. And that is very anti-relationship, isn't it? No real human relationship is like that".
Some parents rely on web chaperone programmes, which aren't always foolproof, but at some point youngsters are bound to come across porn, so it is best to educate them as much as we can. Those who, like me, work with teenagers and young adults know that this is an issue that must be dealt with. So should parents. The existence of porn and its easy access must be acknowledged and put on the school curriculum. The Personal and Social Development syllabus must include pornography and its effect on relationships. Maybe the starting point should be public debate. We need to speak openly about this reality; by driving the problem underground we leave children and teenagers unprepared and unequipped to deal with it effectively while porn continues to be the new sex education.
Dr Dalli is shadow minister for the public service and government investment.
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Gerry Cowie
Feb 8th 2010, 22:30
@Tony Pace - you seem to have totally missed my point here!
I am supporting what Dr Dalli says - but so used to seeing the freedom seekers come out to promote these awful things of which she speaks that I felt it worth raising the point - in the hope of perhaps drawing some of those people out. I totally agree with Dr Dalli on this issue.
It is the people who insist on having all these seedy things available as a freedom that I am getting at. I do hope that clarifies things.
My other comments refer to a totally different subject of which Dr Dalli is well aware.
Do remember that an election is not so far away!
Tony Pace
Feb 8th 2010, 20:24
@ Mr Cowie Introducing the subject in schools so that our young students are made aware of the perils of pornography, doesn't take away anybody's freedom. So why would 'freedom seekers be up in arms"? The more the issues are confounded the less clear we will be on how this scourge is to be tackled. We must start by having - as Dr Dalli suggests - a serious civilized debate; in that way we will be at least acknowledging that the problem exists.
Gerry Cowie
Feb 8th 2010, 19:53
This is a very interesting and thought-provoking article which may well have "freedom" seekers up in arms. She is absolutely right in her observations However, may I ask nonetheless why Dr Dalli is not "pro choice" on this issue, in case any pro freedom persons are considering who to vote for at the next election? There are many things in this life from which we would seek to protect the youth. Pornography can indeed lead to unwanted pregnancies and then the horrors of abortion. Whilst that is indeed another issue, it is another where we either have to sit on the fence and be "pro choice" so as to pacify some voters or else take a firm stand and oppose!
Christopher Ripard
Feb 8th 2010, 18:44
Well written, Dr Dalli. I for one refuse to believe that any of us - let alone women - should accept being depicted as objects of pleasure (like in that piece of rubbish in the University rag). Sadly, a bunch of middle-aged men in their efforts to titillate themselves, are going all-out against censorship. But it remains by far the lesser of two evils.
Paul Gatt
Feb 8th 2010, 18:13
@ E. Muscat I think Mr Muscat didn't even read the article before he proceeded to throw in his 2 cents' worth here. He states that 'As usual, you mention the problem but no solution is offered'. Even the fact that the article has been written is one step toward a solution, if there is one. If there is a public debate on the issue that too would be better than the nothing we have now. If you read Dr Dalli's article to the end you would have seen that she is proposing that the subject is addressed in schools by professionals. Like we teach in schools about alcohol abuse and drug abuse , we must also teach about the problems porn causes to relationships. @ Joseph Grech Thank you for the link to the very good website. I hope that more people will log in to it and that a public discussion ensues, hopefully with the contribution of the Church as well.
E.Muscat
Feb 8th 2010, 17:43
As usual, you mention the problem but no solution is offered.How about having a local blanket firewall to all porn sites.This is being done by China and many other countries.The firewall will have a large database of most terms related to pornography which will block any incoming material.If innocent websites are also blocked these can be unblocked on request. A large amount of people will say this is censorship:so it is,but without censorship one cannot protect the young.
Joseph Grech
Feb 8th 2010, 15:04
Well said Ms Dalli! You, and whoever reads your article, will most certainly be interested in "The Pornographic Culture", which is an excellent and deep Christian reflection on the subject.
You can download the entire Pornographic Culture issue and the set of six Study Guides at http://www.baylor.edu/christianethics/pculture.pdf . Or, you can download individual pieces by clicking the titles listed at http://www.baylor.edu/christianethics/index.php?id=15342.
Catherine Zarb
Feb 8th 2010, 11:48
The subject should not be, as you say, merely 'touched upon'. It is a very serious topic which is creating many relational problems. As you may know, this is not an easy subject for some parents to discuss with children and teenagers. There are professional people who know how to tackle the issue, and children tend to take more notice when their attention is being drawn by a teacher rather than by their parents whom they might perceive as just being overprotective. This subject is discussed in serious international educational fora; but here it seems it is still taboo. By skirting the issue we are not helping our children and teenagers, with the consequence that porn might have on their future intimate relationships. I was very glad to hear Fr Joe Borg in this morning's press review say that this is a very interesting article.
Franco Farrugia
Feb 8th 2010, 11:20
We have a tendency, in this country, to push everything on the 'school curriculum'. Are we aware what REALLY IS ALREADY in the curriculum before we speak? As far as I know, in PSD classes, the subject is touched upon.
We have to be careful what to say and write - sometimes, it's as if the students spend 24 hours a day at school. What about the so-famous school that is the home? What about parents' duties? Should we thrown everything on teachers and educators?