When a surname dooms a child

Maria's* green eyes blaze with fury as she mulls the court sentence that forces her five-year-old daughter to adopt her absent father's surname after being registered 'father unknown'.

The 25-year-old's anger abates and her eyes glisten with tears as she contemplates how her daughter's world is going to turn upside town.

"If the father's surname will do a child more harm than good, why is the court forcing it on her?" Maria says, unable to understand the "unjust" outcome.

Her reasoning is based on the fact that the father deals in drugs and has a pending court case. Given his unique surname the girl risks being forever associated with the criminal world.

"But does the law recognise this? Does the simple act of impregnating a woman give a man the right to call himself father? I raised her alone and now he shows up after five years of never maintaining her and demands she takes his surname," Maria says.

"He is a drug pusher. He has never worked, and never will, which means the girl will never get any maintenance - it really eats me up inside."

Sipping a cappucino that has since gone cold, Maria recalls the day she discovered she was pregnant six years ago. She locked herself inside the office lavatory, and when she saw the blue line on the pregnancy test, she choked up with emotion - joy that she was going to have a baby, and an urge to sob because her relationship was built on flimsy foundations.

Then 19, she sat on the toilet seat and pondered her life for 10 minutes before sending Mark*, her boyfriend of six months, a text message: "We screwed up; I'm pregnant."

Barely able to concentrate on her work she willed the time to pass so she could take her lunch break and meet Mark.

"The first thing he told me was, 'I'll pay for your abortion in the UK'. But there was no way I was going to kill my own flesh and blood," she recalls.

He immediately retracted his words and promised he had enough money from his father's inheritance to support her and help raise the child.

The timing was all wrong. Her parents were going through a bitter separation and her mother fell into a depression and resorted to gambling. Her boyfriend soon became elusive, showering her with empty flatteries, but barely spending any time in her company.

While she steered clear of smoky clubs, Mark began hanging around with a former criminal, living a fast drug-fuelled life, propped up by his inheritance. Friends also reported back that he was seeing another woman, but each time she confronted him, he denied it. Still in love, she believed him.

In the last five months of her pregnancy she barely saw him, and when he did show up he would pass some snide remark, such as "let's see if the baby turns out to be black".

"I was so offended by his words. I felt so alone and each night I would cry myself to sleep," Maria says.

Going to prenatal classes without him was mortifying, and when the delivery date loomed she was resigned to being alone. But Mark was keen to be present, and even though Maria did not feel he deserved to be there she conceded in the hope it would help him change.

On March 18, as she was being wheeled into the delivery room, she still felt alone and scared. All this was momentarily suspended with the birth of their baby girl.

"She had black spiky hair, with oriental eyes. I forgot all the pain and melted just looking at her," Maria says.

The happiness was shortlived. In the first weeks Mark would visit every day, but he was always rushed and each time he left, the loneliness became a little more suffocating.

Her mother was facing her own demons, and Mark never lifted a finger or gave her any money. Instead he constantly criticised her.

"He did not care at all and the only time he gave me money was when I agreed to have sex with him... I didn't feel like a prostitute because I still loved him," she says, her face turning bright red.

When it came to registering their baby three months later, Maria wanted to list Mark as the father, but he refused and insisted he would only concede after a DNA test - "it was the perfect excuse to escape responsibility".

Maria had no money to pay for the test to establish paternity so she registered the girl as having "father unknown".

"I assure you, single mothers don't register their children as 'father unknown' capriciously," she insists.

As time passed, Maria suffered post-natal depression. She barely ate or drank, and alone at home with her child she started entertaining suicidal thoughts. With nobody to lean on, she turned up with her two-year-daughter at Appoġġ, the national agency for social services, seeking help.

She was offered two choices: either place the girl in an institute, or entrust her with a foster family.

"Either way I was afraid I wouldn't ever see my daughter again, but they assured me that if I put her with a foster family I would remain the mother and when I got better I could take her back," she says.

"Everyone told me I was mad and I would never see my daughter again. It was torture, but I did this for her own good and focused on getting better."

Luckily, Maria immediately hit it off with the foster parents who adopted her as if she were their own, believing in her and pushing her to succeed. Within two years she regained her health, landed a good job and got her daughter back.

The father was the only thorn and she worried every time he showed up for his two hours access a week.

He used foul language the girl readily repeated and took her to shady places with his friends. She decided to stop this and, with the support of Appoġġ, it was established that unless he kicked his drug habit he could only see their daughter under supervision.

"He went mad. That's when he took me to court even though I never denied he was the father," Maria says.

The court ruled the girl's birth certificate should include the father's name and Maria should foot the father's legal bills.

Sitting back, her eyes cloud over as she tries to figure out the best way to tell her daughter she has to change her surname.

A spokesman for Appoġġ's children services said this ruling could have a negative psychological effect on the girl.

"The circumstances of this case are difficult and the fact the father has a unique surname makes matters worse.

"However, the law gives the father these rights - it's a double-edged sword," the spokesman said.

Maria is still coming to terms with the court ruling and is planning to appeal: "It unacceptable that fathers who neglect their children are accepted by society, while women are expected to shoulder all the responsibility.

"It takes a man and a woman to make a baby, but it takes more than conceiving to be a father - they have to be there to raise their children, even if they are unplanned."

*Name has been changed.