Did you hear the one about the slightly over-refined reindeer? He’s not called Rudolph. And, fortunately, he’s not called Prancer either. Eskimo (I kid you not!) was bullied and victimised by his peers because of a congenital defect that could have had grave consequences.

Eskimo, one of a herd of eight tundra reindeer (also known as caribou), was saved from ridicule, and from almost certain death, by Romain Pizzi, a veterinary surgeon for the Royal Zoological Society of Scotland. Through the latest laparoscopic (keyhole) surgery techniques, an undescended testicle was removed from his abdomen. The zoo had feared it could well become cancerous.

This condition had been affecting Eskimo to the extent that he had been showing overly submissive behaviours. The restricted production and flow of testosterone had also been causing delayed antler growth and development. Spared the pain and soreness of the usual invasive treatment of open abdominal surgery, Eskimo was standing and munching lichen again within ten minutes of recovery from anaesthesia.

Lichen, I ask you! Why didn’t he tuck into a nice winter greens salad of arugula, pak choi, lettuce, escarole, chervil, kale, sorrel and spinach?
Mind you, there are some lichens which, either raw or cooked, are actually edible. In fact some of my colleagues at the office insist that Cup-moss (Lecanora esculenta) of the genus Cladinia much beloved of ungulates was the “manna from heaven” of Biblical fame, since it is prone to working loose from its substrate and blowing around in the wind...

Be that as it may, the records show that in Ararat (where Noah’s Ark is supposed to have settled) it was eaten by the natives centuries ago, and Native Americans of various tribes - NLaka'pamux, Lillooet, Nimíipuu (Nez Percé), Secwempec, Atsugewi, and others, used it variously as a delicacy, medication, to make dyes (today we see this in litmus paper), as decoration, or famine food. In some countries, Cetraria islandica is yet nowadays used as a cough remedy; a poultice of Bryoria fremontii is said to reduce contusions and swellings, and Usnea florida is used in folk medicine for hair problems. And research into the anti-viral, anti-parasitic, and anti-bacterial properties of lichens is being taken very, very seriously.

Bet you didn’t know that there are four types of lichens: foliose (flat and leaf-like, used to represent trees in model train layouts.); crustose (like crusts that may be buried in tree bark, or even between the crystals of rocks); fruticose (like miniature shrubs) and squamulose (scaly, having small rounded lobes), and that a lichen is a mutualistic symbiosis (partnership) between a fungus and an alga or cyanobacteria and not a single organism.So far, the Missus says that some days she intends to try Umbilicaria esculenta – which the Japanese use in soups and salads. She went on to say that lichens contain practically no fat and only 1-5% protein; they are basically carbohydrate. So far, however, she hasn’t found it growing wild (or in the shops). She says it’s “only natural” to eat this type of vegetation – and when I made an involuntary movement (honest!) with my nose, she said that I eat seaweed such as kelp, nori, dulce and kombu, and I never complain – and she pointed out that I love Shiitake mushrooms, which is true enough.

The sheep that graze on Aspilicia esculenta in the Libyan desert appear to come to no harm. But... deer have a special enzyme called ‘lichenase’ which helps them to digest the lichens that they eat.

I don’t.