Updated: Rape victim's mother forgives accused for 'mistakes'

Marianna Galea Xuereb

Nov 4th 2009, 18:28

Apart from a prison sentence, this uncle, if found guilty, should be made to pay for all the counseling/other expenses that will continue to be incurred in order to try to minimize the emotional damage that the victim has suffered.

Despite what modern catholic indoctrinators will have us believe, certain actions ARE unforgivable as the bible clearly implies.

This unfortunate child was allegedly repeatedly abused by her uncle but she most probably felt abused and betrayed by her own mother too when the latter tried to convince her to shut up.

This mother ought to beg her daughter for forgiveness – if she has not already done so - and in future support her as much as possible, even if it means falling out with the rest of the family. A family that bullies one into submissively shutting up rather than fighting for compensation as retribution for abuse is not a family worth preserving. Neither is a family who uses emotional blackmail (the usual Maltese “tinkwetanix ghax ma niflahx ghal inkwiet u se jtini attakk ta’ qalb/titlghali l-pressjoni / se jkolli nzid id-doza tal-kalmanti / se tghaddini puplusija”) to manipulate relatives into doing whatever the manipulator wants.

G. Grech

Nov 4th 2009, 14:18

A mistake is something someone does once and repents. Raping a 10 year old girl 4 times is not a "mistake". It's a barbaric act on an innocent.

B Galea

Nov 4th 2009, 10:42

My girlfriend was raped by her cousin when she was 13. She told her parents, who however, did nothing in order to not 'break up the family'. My girlfriend has now been in counselling for over 4 years. We were in a shopping mall a few months ago, and she turned pale and asked me if we could leave - it turns out she had spotted her cousin in the same shop. She was violently sick for 3 days.

In this case, the mother can forgive all she likes, but she has NO RIGHT WHATSOEVER to ruin her daughter's life for the sake of some 'family' ideal she wants to keep together. What goes through a 13 year old's mind when she plucks up the courage to tell her parents that she's been raped, and instead of finding support is 'urged' to withdraw her allegations? It is tantamount to telling the victim that they are wrong, that they are liars, that their truth is not worth anything.

Christopher Debattista

Nov 4th 2009, 10:27

I really admire the Victim's mother. It really takes a lot of guts to do that and that is a perfect example of what being a Real Christian is. HOWEVER, THIS GUY, IF GUILTY, MUST BE PUNISHED TO THE FULLEST EXTENT !

Dschembri

Nov 4th 2009, 08:22

@ A Cassar

I am not condeeming the victims mother but like you stated "I would find it difficult to forgive"
I stated "I as a mother would never be able to forgiven myself let alone the the alleged monster. '

At what point did I condeem the mother??? I wrote my opinion as like yourself so dont go all high and mighty like you opinion is the only one that counts!

Joe Fenech

Nov 4th 2009, 01:21

FORGIVENESS OR NOT, IF GUILTY, THIS GUY NEEDS TO GO TO JAIL OR POSSIBLY GIVEN THE DEATH PENALTY.

Joseph Schembri

Nov 3rd 2009, 18:32

If the mother really loves her child and what the child is saying is true the police and the courts are the last thing that the child and all this family needs. This is amply illustrated by the havoc created once the case was reported to the police.The interest of the police lies in obtaining a conviction. The interests of the child and her mother should lie elsewhere: such as being looked after by caring professionals.

Sergio Galea Vincenti

Nov 3rd 2009, 18:31

Words cannot express the sense of bewilderment and disgust one feels when one reads of such cases. Nothing seems to be surprising in moral degradation of our society. I am no moralist but there are very firm boundaries which should never be crossed.

There are so many wrong things in the intricacies of this case that, really, I cannot understand how anyone could contemplate justifying any of the actors in this shameful tragedy.

What irks me is how very often these cases end up caught in legal caveats where justice is reduced to a mockery gilded in technicalities.

When one examines the state of our nation, we should not be surprised if we have rampant cases of political quagmires, unchecked conflicts of interest, incredible overspending and indebtedness and other visible malpractices when we, at the very roots of society, within the family nucleus, we have cases of incest, abuse and violence which I feel more often than not do not come to light....

To eradicate this rot, we do not just have to enforce 'just' laws but we must start with each of us looking within our conscience and admitting our own failings and acting upon them.

Marianna Galea Xuereb

Nov 3rd 2009, 18:07

Joe Fenech is 200% correct.

Religions that preach forgiveness at all costs AND persist in daily indoctrinating in favour of forgiveness when it is much more appropriate to promote a zero tolerance attitude against all forms of crime/evil/abuse/irresponsibility have a lot to answer for. So have courts of law that allow jurors to be influenced by declarations of forgiveness.

If anything preachers should preach that a parent’s first duty is first and foremost to the child he/she chose to beget and not to his/her parents and siblings. One can never be held responsible for the existence of one’s own parents/ siblings because nobody can chose which family he/she is related too but everybody is directly responsible for offspring they chose to beget. Even God himself does not force parenthood upon anybody.

Civil society should promote total responsible parenthood. Unfortunately far too many people simply beget children for their own selfish reasons – whether it is to flaunt fertility, milk the social state and legal systems or to have someone to work for you and take care of you when you grow old.

adrian aquilina

Nov 3rd 2009, 17:59

how can a mother say she forgives and tried to stop the case??unbelievable..rapists and abusers should never be forgiven for what they did..ruined the family?what about the poor girl?

L.cutajar

Nov 3rd 2009, 17:22

when it comes to these things no one should be escused .... image the trauma the child had to and is still going trough ....should be punished severily !!!!!!!!

Kevin Zammit

Nov 3rd 2009, 15:55

'forgive his mistake' ... hmmm ... being given the wrong change is possibly a typical mistake, or a split second decision where one fooloshly calculates to overtake a slow moving vehicle could be another one. Ordering the wrong food at a restaurant ? .... but raping a 7 year old 4 times, how can that be qualified as a mistake?

a.stone

Nov 3rd 2009, 15:49

This woman is forgiving not forgetting. The mother will surely not be dining on the same table as the brother.
Please remember that when one forgives, his heart is partially healed.
As for the doctor, Mr Kevin Zammit, as a woman myself I ensure you that early menstruation is possible and happens a lot. Also, if the woman had no idea about the raping of her daughter, how could an MD go into such conclusions or possible conclusions? The mother must have said that she notices there and then some bloodstains. This is a doctor not psychiatric she went to

victor pulis

Nov 3rd 2009, 15:41

Will the forgivness bring the family together again? Can this episode be deleted from their collctive memory like someone deleting a file from his PC? the file will most certainly never be deleted from the mind of the victim.
@ tborg
How right Jesus was when he said "the one without sin throw the first stone"
yes, let's close the courts and disband the police force. how dare they judge us and arrest us?! don't they know that it could have been them commiting whatever crime?!
As you said, let's grow up.

Joe Fenech

Nov 3rd 2009, 15:34

"....the woman admitted that she was the one who had urged her daughter to withdraw her allegations, because the case was destroying the family."

This says a lot about the mentality of many Maltese people where "families need to remain united at all cost". That's the nonsense that the local Church had fed us for ages. It all boils down to saving our face!

Chrissey Zammit

Nov 3rd 2009, 15:24

UNBELIEVABLE !!! How can a mother ever forgive an alleged rapist for the harm he has done to this child. ALL children should be listened to, DO NOT ignore anything they tell you.
All parents protect their children, even in the animal kingdom.

Joe Fenech

Nov 3rd 2009, 15:23

Trial suspended? Let's start taking sex crimes seriously. Regardless of how forgiving the mother is, this monster, if guilty, needs to be punished harshly for act that have ruined a child for life.

The death penalty should be applied in such cases.

t . borg

Nov 3rd 2009, 15:11

@chris mifsud. if he was your son i am sure you would not want him to be sent to prison for life. how do you know that he will never change? i agree this minor should be punished if found guilty but if he is sent to prison for long time this will have an opposite effect especially on him, the victom and on all his family.

F Spiteri

Nov 3rd 2009, 15:08

U TGHID MUX HEKK !!!!

Sandro Zahra

Nov 3rd 2009, 15:08

..... try to understand the family tree of this family ....

nicholas cremona

Nov 3rd 2009, 14:53

Withdrawing the allegations, I think the mother was very wrong to do. I know a case where a girl used to be abused by her own dad, when she told her mother, the mother never listened to her. Years have passed and the same thing happened again. When the girl, now teenager told her mum that it had happened again, she threatened her not to go to the police. And the result of all this the girl all she has is a messed up life. All I m trying to say is that these things are really serious and we should listen to our children more than we let them hear what we have to say to them.

Norbert Bugeja

Nov 3rd 2009, 14:47

the mother forgave but what about the girl....she was the victim and the one who has been victim....

Which mother could forgive a man who rapes her own daughter?????

Chris Mifsud

Nov 3rd 2009, 14:18

@tborg

Dont bring relgion into this ...... Nobody cares that he wa a 17yr old minor at the time . He is accused of a very very serious , sick and twisted crime and if found guilty should be locked up for life and NEVER forgiven .

People like that will never change and will remain a constant danger to children for all their lives . The court and the prosecution have a responsibility to keep the public safe from sick perverted predators like these and the only way the public is safe from them is by locking them up .

If found guilty his identity should also be revealed .

joseph camilleri

Nov 3rd 2009, 14:16

I dont think its up to the mother to forgive anything. Neither should the victim's forgiveness have any legal relevance (apart from the fact that the victim is still a minor).

A crime was committed, and as such, should be punished, period. Whether the victim, (minor or not), victim's mother or whoever forgives, it should be totally irrelevant at law. A crime is a crime irrespective of pardons granted.

Joe Fenech

Nov 3rd 2009, 14:12

A Cassar

"Calling Christianity insane for teaching forgiveness is an outstanding comment!!! If everyone forgave we would not have any wars."

MAKE LOVE NOT WAR!!!! Cloud cuckoo land is near..!

Ernest Vella

Nov 3rd 2009, 14:11

@ Joe Fenech - To Err is human to forgive is divine - remember - May all Christians forgive each other....but in this case the mother is not the one who must forgive but is the child....she's free to forgive or not...this is not a matter of Chistian....its more something psychological

Ernest Vella

Nov 3rd 2009, 14:04

Forgiveness shall not stop justice from its duty to protect the innocent...Forgiveness is one of the steps of justice...but punishment for who break the law is a must in a modern society too.
Li tikkastiga m'ghandiex tkun vendetta imma biex issir gustizzja, u biex is-socjeta tigi protetta

A Cassar

Nov 3rd 2009, 14:01

@dschembri,Joe Fenech,U. DAmico
It is her prerogative whether to forgive or not, and not yours. Forgiving does not lessen anything in the eyes of the court. Probably in her shoes I would find it difficult to forgive, but in is admirable and not somethng to condemn!!!

@Joe Fenech
Calling Christianity insane for teaching forgiveness is an outstanding comment!!! If everyone forgave we would not have any wars.

Joss Galea

Nov 3rd 2009, 13:25

It would be more likely for me to forgive him if he raped me........but I will NEVER forgive someone who hurts my daughter!!

R Axisa

Nov 3rd 2009, 13:11

Did the victim forgive the person who raped her? Was the victim consulted in this decision?

Kevin Zammit

Nov 3rd 2009, 12:25

How competent/not (or maybe naive?) was that doctor!

tborg

Nov 3rd 2009, 12:24

Is a 17 year old considered as a minor? Why all this hatred? Parent should guard their children well especially with all this pornography in the internet. This minor done a big mistake but every one can do a mistake or another. How right Jesus was when he said "the one without sin throw the first stone" come on lets all grow up.

J. Formosa

Nov 3rd 2009, 12:20

@U. DAmico - you have NO clue do you? As a mother she would have preferred him to rape her than her 7-year old daughter!! A mother would die for her daughter. And if to reunite the family she has to forgive him, so be it. Her life, her daughter, her family .. she knows best so don't judge.

dschembri

Nov 3rd 2009, 11:55

How can the victim's mother forgive her daughters alleged rapist, I as a mother would never be able to forgiven myself let alone the the alleged monster.

I can understand that their family will never be the same again, but what about the daughters future isn't she the victim?? I

Joe Fenech

Nov 3rd 2009, 11:54

"The mother of a girl who was allegedly raped by her uncle told a court today that she had forgiven her brother for mistakes he had made, and said the whole case had destroyed her family."

THE INSANITY OF CHRISTIAN EDUCATION !!!

This is like the recent attempted murder case - the lady was severely wounded but then forgave her boyfriend who attacked her and her family!

I hope that the court is very harsh on the culprit if he is found guilty. Sex crimes are taken very lightly in this country!

U. D'Amico

Nov 3rd 2009, 11:39

I wonder if she would have forgiven him if he allegedly raped her instead of her daughter