Yvonne Arqueros Ebejer, spokesman on civil rights, Alternattiva Demokratika, Sliema
Please treat us like adults on divorce
In a report in The Times (October 26), the newspaper reported what it called the first attempt at a debate on divorce in the House of Representatives, in the House Social Affairs Committee.
The way people are treated came out clear from The Times report. Adults are deemed incapable of making their own decisions regarding their life.
Adults able to get a divorce abroad, like a PN candidate for instance and a PL MP, have their divorce recognised by the Maltese state. What hypocrisy. The endless merry-go round continues.
Edwin Vassallo (PN) said that statistics abroad showed that divorce transformed marriage into a temporary contract. Marriage is a social union or legal contract between individuals.
It is the individuals' everyday experience within this union/contract that determines whether this contract is temporary or not.
No happily married couple with a marriage that is functioning files for separation or divorce.
In other European countries citizens are treated like adult individuals where everyone is responsible for the choices they make and above all they have and are given the liberty to choose.
Justyne Caruana, from the so-called progressive PL, said that opposition to divorce did not stem only from religion but also from the very consequences of divorce. Could she explain the difference between the consequences of legal separation and that of divorce? There are in fact none.
Divorce is a basic civil right. A right every citizen should have in a democratic country. It is up to every citizen to decide whether to make use of it or not. Whether to re-marry or not.
It is the state's responsibility to provide that protective legal space where individual citizens feel free to make that choice.
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Edward Camilleri
Oct 31st 2009, 19:52
For those against divorce, why do we have then separation and annulment? And why do we recognise a divorce in another country?
If two married individuals cannot stay together, then NO ONE, including the church, is going to keep them together. Let them go and start a new life. Any children will be much better of instead of witnessing the daily fighting. Possibly only we and the Philippines find problems with divorce?
Keep the church outside marriage and divorce, they do not seem to adapt to current times.
Joe Borg
Oct 31st 2009, 18:53
The subject of divorce is a none-sense subject and I have contacted many MP in Malta and they in majority are affraid to vote or comment or introduce it. Only few had shown me some interest in divorce matter. So I am of the opinion that though a majority talk against it in this blog, but when one talks to other persons whom I know they say that divorce would never enter into Malta and if it enters this island of yours would shake and shake. No divorce won't enter in Malta. What you think the reason to this one is? Have you seen that donkey on the moon ? No, so then No toot he devorce...
Marie Fenech- Beals
Oct 31st 2009, 18:38
For well over 45 years I have been discriminated against because my husband walked out on me and his two children when they were babies. After realizing that he was not going to return to take responsibility for his family, I was forced to get a divorce. I thought very carefully prior to getting this divorce. If I stayed married I would have contact with the church and with my family living in Malta. If I did get a divorce, my children and I would probably end up living on the street, but the church and family would be happy. Forty five years later and at the age of 65 I took a trip to Malta and realized that after all these years, finding a religion that accepted me for who I am is more important than trying to live up to the Maltese ideas of who I should be. All I can say is thank god I live in the US and I have a choice of finding a religion that makes me feel like a valid loving creature of god.
Trevor Lorenzo Mizzi
Oct 31st 2009, 17:33
Why is Malta so backwards ?
Why are we still discussing things that have long ago been wholeheartedly accepted in western nations as being beneficial to their citizens.
This is like debating whether having a public sanitary sewer system is a good thing or not.
Stefan Kottmann
Oct 31st 2009, 16:35
First of all, religion has no place in divorce debates. Its introduction has no effect on your favourite football club, church or nightclub. Second, divorce is a right. Failure to recognise a right and grant it to citizens does not make it less of a right. Third, rights are always recognised sooner or later. With us, its always later, but the time will come. Fourth, this is useless debating, like the EU debates. Divorce is coming to Malta.
Pule' Carmel
Oct 31st 2009, 16:03
Adults should behave as adults and should go in whatever they consider to be the best direction for them, but then to shoulder all the responibility.
Most of my students seem to want me to decide for them, and I often challenge my grown up students by telling them, " DO WHAT YOU LIKE." In Malta I found that 95% of my students answer that proposal with, "But what shall I do?" and I insist that as the consider themselves to be adults then, they should do what is best for themselves, and to be prepared to shoulder all the responsibilities. In answering technical, scientific and mathematical problems one is free to do whatever one likes, one may try and I do not object to my students tackling examination questons in any way they like, but normally to get the correct answer there are a few meaningful directions to follow in order to get the correct answer, where a feasible result is verified by universal laws, and not through meaningless artificial laws as society is often willing to brew up for convenience.
B.Mizzi
Oct 31st 2009, 15:35
If one knew their marriage was going to fail,most definetly they would not even consider marriage let alone also have chilren. Yes it happens and when you read about it you NEVER think it can happen to you but WHEN it KNOCKS on your door Oh my Goodness the pain...Living with someone in constant fear and abuse is worse for the community than Seperation or Divorce ,not any Seperation or Divorce is premeditated..just like an accident..do we see it coming? So yes treat us like adults we know our responsibility before we decided to seperate or divorce thats why we took a decision..because we were being responsible instead of sticking our heads in the sand pretending that the problem does not exist..I would not recommend it to any happy family..that would be foolish...but to those who are in limbo..DRAW THE LINE and MOVE on we only got one life & GOD does not want us to waste it..so if you cant make it break it but stop the bitching and the pawn playing with children that indeed is IRRESPOSABLE.
Lino Apap
Oct 31st 2009, 13:38
The resulting debate in the Social Affairs Committee went very much in the way it was expected. Both PN spokesmen made their well known anti-divorce positions known; the same can be said for Dr. Justyne Caruana. It was left to Dr. Michael Farrugia to make the most telling remark, namely that he is in favour of divorce because he is in favour of marriage. Dr. Farrugia made the case for the many cohabiting families who are in this position because one or both partners were previously married and cannot re-marry because of the absence of divorce. The TPPI report (backed by statistics published by Discern), clearly shows that by 2015 there will be 35,000 individuals who will be separated, divorced etc. This will mean that 17% of married couples will seperate. And yet Mr. Vassallo, the PM and Dr. Caruana still want to bury their heads in the sand and utter trivialites like "divorce transforms marriage into a temporary contract" and other such banalities. Wake up Mr. Vassallo! Marriage is ALREADY a temporary contract regarless of divorce. Divorce will NOT make such a big difference and most of you know it. In case of doubt look at Ireland!
Lino Apap
Oct 31st 2009, 13:19
@ E.Muscat - I do not know you or Carla Vella but who do you think you are judging her in that manner? Who told you that she will "maybe compound the problem for other people as well, who may take the easy way out when small problems appear in marriage". Do you and people like you think that people simply seperate and leave their marriage for trivial reasons? Apart from the religious and social aspect, do you realise the human and financial impact on BOTH parties? Do you really believe that couples separate just for the kick of it? Are you really that naive?
@ Joe Zammit - You made quite a few sweeping statements like "Divorce is evil for all persons and for the whole of society" and "Divorce is a great social injustice". Now if you are sufficiently capable, prove it without resorting to religious gobbledegook please!
@ H. Zammit - Apart from what God told you, what is your real problem with divorce from a civil and secular point of view? In case you hadn't noticed, divorce carries more responsibililties than those under the present legislation, especially for cohabiting separated couples.
Adrian Buckle
Oct 31st 2009, 13:04
@everyone replying to Joe Zammit's comment.
I think that Mr Zammit is simply taking the mickey out of all of us.
S. Calleja
Oct 31st 2009, 12:07
@ Joe Zammit
Your sweeping statements are hilarious! "Divorce is evil for all persons and for the whole of society." The bogeyman comes to mind! :-)
E.Muscat
Oct 31st 2009, 11:43
@Carla Vella:if separation is not good enough, obviously you want to get married again and maybe compound the problem for other people as well, who may take the easy way out when small problems appear in marriage:as well documented, children of divorced parents will in their turn divorce much more and we will end up with hordes of disfunctional children who kill each other for kicks as is happening the UK who have the largest percentage of divorces in Europe.
William P Flynn
Oct 31st 2009, 11:39
Catholic people and priests are so used to being told what to do and what they think that they imagine divorce is going to be compulsory. Relax no one will force anyone to divorce. It's a choice not a compulsion.
I've lived all my married life (44 years) in Australia where there is easily accessible no fault divorce - I'm still married to the same woman; and not because of the bible, catholicism or any other religion.
adrian aquilina
Oct 31st 2009, 11:36
is joe zammit 2000 years old?can people really think like he seems too? is he incapable of thinking for himself? being forced to stay in an unhappy marriage is "evil".. mr zammit,the most evil things in history were done by the church...you dont seem to mind that.....
let people decide for themselves...some of us evolve,grow and realise everyone is differant..
time for you to grow up as you represent all that is holding this country back
nella bencini
Oct 31st 2009, 11:15
Well said Carla Vella....great to know someone thinks the same way as i do!! pity H.Zammit did not READ your input clearly... we all made commitments, we all thought we were going to be ''married for life''....
to joe zammit.... re ''divorce is a great social injustice''.......... so is being in a unhappy and can't be ''mended' marriage.
that is why its only malta and the philipinies where divorce does not exist... so i assume '' every other country is wrong to have divorce legalized? wakey wakey...
chris reiff
Oct 31st 2009, 11:07
@Joe Zammit
Because living an unhappy marriage/living a lie isnt a social injustice. Humans make mistakes, doesnt your God forgive mistakes? Marriage without love is no true marriage.
Also, if the Church doesnt want to annul the marriage, go right ahead. But the STATE MUST legalize divorce. The Church can NOT force non-religious people to live by their rules.
Carla Vella
Oct 31st 2009, 11:04
@eMuscat
Looks like you did not comprehend what I wrote. So let me spell it out for you: Many of us are more able to take better care of our children and ourselves by divorcing from abusive partners. Annullment or Legal Separation? Not good enough. End of.
E.Muscat
Oct 31st 2009, 10:51
An MIT economics Ph.D(read Freakonomics) proved that abortion markedly decreased crime 20 years later:does that make us accept abortion as a (in)human right?The same thinking goes for divorce:sacrificing the children for people's 'enjoy life at any cost' right.We have even sold done the river our children's future by the Climate Change disaster that will happen in a generation's time and we are going to leave so much debt that the next generation will be know as 'The Lost Generation'.Get real and stare at the facts and figures!
S. Calleja
Oct 31st 2009, 10:49
@H Zammit
"Do we have to change the law because someone messed up his life...?"
What if someone else messes it up for you?
Carla Vella
Oct 31st 2009, 10:48
Like myself, many men & women married when very young, or not so young, & "in love". Additionally, yes, most of these people truly "loved" eachother and planned to spend their whole life together. Sadly, the union was not to last the lifetime. This does not mean that the love and the marriage never existed between these couples.
And so there are 1,000s of us not-annulled but either living miserably together, making their children unhappy, or they are living separately, feeling religious &/or cultural guilt & embarrassment if in a new (non-blessed) relationship, and financially tied up in knots.
Those of us who managed to get divorced abroad have been able to draw a line in the sand and start a new life, which for most of us has been a blessing in itself because our children, despite their parents' estrangement, have flourished, have learnt to be strong, independant, and expect better quality loving relationships, rather than tolerate or suffer oppressive or abusive family lives.
Well, that's my view anyway. And to the priest that let me receive holy communion at my brother's wedding, despite my divorce & living-in-sin status, thank you for being a reasonable man. Appreciated by all.
Joe Zammit
Oct 31st 2009, 10:19
Divorce is evil for all persons and for the whole of society. So divorce can never be a right. No one has a right to any evil. Our rights are only for what is good to us.
Divorce is a great social injustice.
Anna Muscat
Oct 31st 2009, 09:46
Very well said and very true. Glad to read some sensible talk about the subject. I can't understand why people in Malta still hang on to crumbling facades and fight against reality and facts. It only makes things worse for all involved and encourages "illegal" co-habitation. From what I gathered last, the actual situation is a "free for all" which reflects a far worse image - certainly not that of a civil, democratic modern country.
H Zammit
Oct 31st 2009, 09:43
We are always quick to talk about rights but we seldom mention our responsibilities. We all know that no right exists without responsibilties and obligations towards us. If you want to be treated as an adult you need to know all sides of the argument not, as you seem to be doing, impose your opinion on others.
A christian marriage is more than just a contract between two persons but a committment for life, not only sexually but also in the way they plan their life, their aspirations, successes and failures etc.
Being a christian, my answer for divorce is clear as it is given to me by God (the Bible is the word of God). But I still don't impose my views on the issue of divorce and I am very open to hear all sides of the arguments and experiences. Nonetheless, a solid argument cannot put aside the Bible and talk only of one's rights. What about responsibilities towards others and society, what about the rights of others?
Do we have to change the law because someone messed up his life or simply because other countries introduced divorce? Please treat us like adults. Truly.