Valerie Borg, Valletta
Hello, my name is Hugh and I am an alcoholic
I am not afraid to state that I need help. Please do not hurl abuse at me, sneer at me or blame me. Would you be angry with me if I had epilepsy or a thyroid problem? Well, in my case, only when you are in the presence of a monster, in my case the bottle, do you know what monstrosity is. My problem is a disease too. Please do not throw away any drinks I might have in front of me. That is a silly gesture because I can easily find more bottles. Do not attack me by word, deed or action because there is no one who hates me more than myself and your verbal abuse will only confirm the bad opinion I have of myself.
Do not be so willing to accept what I promise, my illness prevents me from keeping promises. For God's sake do not believe what I tell you, more often than not, it might be a lie.
A symptom of my illness is denial of reality and, funnily enough, my illness is such that I fail to respect anyone gullible enough to believe every word I say. Don't threaten me and then change your mind because, although I know that you threaten me because you love me, try to stick to whatever decision you make. Please don't cover up for me because that means you are denying I have a problem. At all costs do not lie on my behalf, pay my bills or meet any of my obligations because that could avert or reduce the very crisis that would prompt me to seek help. I can continue to deny that I have a drinking problem as long as you continue to provide an automatic escape from the consequence of my drinking. Do not let me take advantage of you in any way; love cannot exist for long without the dimension of justice. Don't let your deep and profound love lead you to do what I should do for myself. If you do that you will only be increasing my sense of guilt.
Above everything else, do please learn all you can about alcoholism. Go to Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meetings; attend these meetings regularly so you will get to know all about me and my illness. Keep in touch with AA members because they are the people who can help you see the whole situation clearly.
Love you, your alcoholic.
Although this is a fictitious letter, all the people suffering from habits like drug addiction, gambling and alcoholism feel the same way inside. Giving in to them for the sake of loving them is like sprinkling an oyster with vinegar - no good will come out of that love. I suggest that the people who have a much loved family member addicted to some vice get outside help. Only the people who are specialised in their field can help them with their problem.
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C.ZARB
Oct 23rd 2009, 23:52
Frank Crane once said “Responsibility is the thing people dread most of all. Yet it is the one thing in the world that develops us, gives us manhood or womanhood fiber.”
Every person on earth is vulnerable to something. Such vulnerability can be called demon, monster, disease, weak spot or many other words. Unfortunately it will make little difference to its victims. What truly counts is how we face such weakness. That is what determines between responsible adults and non responsible ones.
anthony girard
Oct 23rd 2009, 19:38
@ Claire Busuttil
Sorry to disappoint you Claire but Alcoholism IS a disease and recognised as such by the World Health Organisation and listed as such in the DSM IV ( Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders ) Quoting from Wikipedia:
Modern medical definitions[1] describe alcoholism as a disease and addiction which results in a persistent use of alcohol despite negative consequences. In the 19th and early 20th centuries, alcoholism, also referred to as dipsomania[2]............
And finally, alcoholics in recovery do NOT consider themselves as victims - far from it.Take my word for it. They realise the harm they have caused to others and to themselves and making amends remains an integral part of their recovery.
Well done, Valarie.
Sigrid Ro
Oct 23rd 2009, 18:05
Hi Valerie,
thank you for your share. I identify a lot with your text.
Even in 2009 there are still some people who deny that alcoholism is a decease. We should not blame them – how can they understand? Do I understand that there are people who are able to drink a single glass of wine or whatever, and then they stop?
I’m grateful that I found the fellowship of AA, because I have friends all over the world who understand me.
I’m looking forward to the meetings in Malta next summer.
Sigrid from Germany
Claire Busuttil
Oct 23rd 2009, 09:55
Dear Valerie, alcoholism or drug addiction is NOT a disease. I can understand that the way to lead to these things, can be a disease, such as too much stress, or depression......but before a person starts making use of these substincases, he/she had made a decison to take them. If you are epileptic, it is not your choice.
A part from this, driving or even just living under the effect of these things, you can easily hurt some body else. You can kill some body else. You can steal somebody else, so you are harming even the society around you. If you are epileptic, probably you will take medicine and you will not hurt the society around you.
I realise that people dealing with alcohilism and drug addiction need help, but to make them look like some kind of victims..........I think it is a bit too much.