Sylvanus

True lies, or politics as she is spoken...

There is a commonly held belief among the proletariat that all - or nearly all - politicians of all parties and persuasions, are just a ragged bunch of lying, cheating, evasive and self-serving so-and-sos. And they deserve all the grief and opprobrium that gets heaped upon their heads by the media and other interested parties.

Whether this is a fair description, I'll leave you to decide. But today I - Sylvanus - in my role as social conscience and impartial commentator - have assembled a series of typical journalists' questions to politicians - and their equally typical responses. And, more importantly, what their super-evasive non-answers really mean.

So if you've ever wondered whether politicians, be they ministers or just bog-standard MPs, have some sort of template of evasion they lock on to... read on:

Journalist: Tell me minister, yes or no, do you agree with your party's policy of welcoming all illegal immigrants landing on our shores, regardless of the fact that most of our population agrees with JPO that they should be sent straight back to Libya, from whence they were dispatched? A yes or no answer please.

Minister: Ah, well now, you see there are several -

Journalist: Yes, you agree, or no, you don't agree, Minister?

Minister: - complex issues at stake here. In the first -

Journalist: I repeat. Are you fully in agreement with your party - ergo the government's immigration policy? Yes or no?

Minister: - place, we have to consider the immigrant's place of origin. Very few if any are indeed Libyan... blah, blah...

And if the journalist thinks he's ever going to get a straight answer, he's living in cloud cuckoo land.

So what minister Dodgethequestion is really saying is: "I don't want them here any more than you do, but it would be more than my job is worth to say so."

A similar scenario occurred recently, when an experienced TV journalist tried to nail the minister for potholes, on the subject of our appalling highways.

TV journalist: I think, minister, even you would have to agree that most of our major and practically all of our minor roads are in an appalling state, right?

Minister: There are several issues at stake here. (Incidentally, this is a classic opening gambit of politicians the world over - and certainly doesn't mean that he's going to address any of these issues) And if I may, I'd like to refer you to a speech I gave on the subject some time ago in which I addressed the problem of our highways in a sober and practical manner which gives a lie to the opposition's contention that we are not giving the problem sufficient importance... blah, blah...

Of course, what he's saying is: "Like you, I'm waiting for the EU to cough up the dosh, so we can pretend to do something about it."

And following on from this: The question we all want to ask our friendly neighbourhood politicians. Not that we're likely to get a straight answer this side of Armageddon.

Interviewer: Minister, tell me: Why aren't we in Malta getting more money out of the EU?

Minister: Ah well now... successful membership of the European Union should not just be measured in financial terms. We must take an objective view of all facets of... blah, blah...

But as we all know, what he really means is: "If Brussels doesn't cough up with more - a lot more of the readies, I could seriously go off it."

So why doesn't he say so? We'd all love and respect our parliamentary representatives a lot more if they told it like it is.

I still live in hope - a forlorn hope maybe - of at least one brave politico answering just one question with something like: "Yes, you are quite right, we messed up big time, but do you really want the other lot back in, after what happened in the 1970s and 1980s?"

Dream on.