My son walked in on me the other day at the point where someone on TV was talking about his gay brother. My nine-year-old, who was listening attentively, turned to me and asked me if I knew what the word gay meant. And of course, being naturally curious as to whether he knew what it meant and not wanting to rain on his (gay) parade I lied and said that yes, gay meant happy.

Perhaps it was silly and hypocritical of me and I'll probably be accused of stunting his growth and of lying, but then my son still believes in Santa Claus and the Robin... and somehow, I don't feel comfortable discussing gaydar with him just yet.

In a strange way I guess I am traditional about certain things and gay, to me, is something that can wait a few years till you're 13 at the very least. He shot me this knowing look and said "Ma, you're not even close". So I paused the DVD and asked him what he thought gay meant. And with dead pan seriousness and maybe a hint of embarrassment he said "Gay means when a man kisses another man."

And then, of course, I rang up my mother and aunt in quick succession and relayed them with the story, with the sort of pride, zeal and enthusiasm a mother feels when her son has just won a scholarship to Oxford.

But, as happens most times with me, it didn't stop there. I thought about what had just happened for hours and days after and the more I thought about it, the more I realised how distorted my thinking was.

You see, we don't protect our children from death. We don't protect them from divorce or separation. We drag them into every single one of our domestics and let them in on the gory details. We may not give them intricate details about paedophiles and serial killers, but every chance we get we put the fear of God in them and tell them there are bad people in the world who do bad things and that they should not trust strangers.

And no, I'm not equating being gay with being bad or with paedophilia. Or with divorce or death. I'm merely saying that we seem to be OK with so many negative baptisms of fire, that I fail to understand why many of us would try to pull the wool over their eyes about something which for many people is the most natural thing in the world.

If we waited till our children were 13 until we took them swimming , then chances are they'd grow up with a deeply rooted fear or hatred of the sea. But we don't. We start them off young and if our children display a modicum of displeasure at being in or near water, we panic. We want our children to be good sailors, to love the beach. For selfish reasons perhaps. Because we love it and naturally the chance that our child might not could mean summers spent away from the sea which would spell disaster in our lives. But then we skirt around so many issues and turn them into taboos. It's so incredibly amazing - we really are to blame for so many of life's distortions and perversions.

You see, I've always maintained that the only way to live your life is to celebrate it. Even the parts you may not have necessarily wished for. Nobody wants their daughter to wind up a single mother. Not because it's shameful. On the contrary, it usually means she did the right thing with an otherwise 'wrong' situation - because someone in the relationship could not commit or did not want to commit and therefore someone got hurt.

Being a single mother is never easy. So, no, you definitely don't wish that kind of fate upon your daughter. Nor do you wish abandonment issues on her child. But then, if it does happen you would embrace it, unless you're seriously screwed up.

And likewise, no one wants his daughter or son to fail at marriage or to fall in love with a third person, but if it does happen, once again you have a choice. You can either understand the situation, accept it and pray for eventual happiness. Or you can write your children off and live unhappily ever after.

And the happiest people are always the ones who stand by their children. Because if you show the rest of the world that you're on board, if you put on a united front, other people tend to follow suit. It's the emperor and his new clothes syndrome all over again. Whereas if you run your children down and talk about the shame and havoc they have wreaked on the family name, you will merely be giving everyone else lots of ammunition to use against you.

The series I am watching at the moment is not particularly riveting. It's chewing gum for the brain but it is about families which are my favourite subject so I am soldiering on. The one thing I find quite refreshing is the way Kevin's mother handles all of her children's issues, and her gay son's love life is not treated any differently to either of her other children's. She prays that he will find true love. She worries when he breaks up with his boyfriend. Because sometimes being a good parent means taking a step back, letting life happen to your children, making it clear that they don't have to choose between you and the life they have carved out for themselves through chance, choice or circumstance.

And when you can do something like that, then you're laughing. There is nothing worse than being in denial. Being gay should not be turned into some censorship issue. It should not be classified as PG, 12 or 16. It should be treated with as much or as little importance as going swimming or taking a vacation - just another way of life.

michelaspiteri@gmail.com