At the Villa Brasserie in Balluta bay you can play both actor and spectator. Right now I am sitting on their beautiful terrace with the Minister of Education, Youth & Culture Mrs Dolores Critstina - sipping white wine, and looking at the spectacular bay.
It really feels like a Hollywood movie. I am Hercule Poirot, and Mrs Cristina is a potential suspect I am having lunch with. The setting is nothing short from a movie - Only this is authentic. The architecture's incomparable and inexhaustible complexity, make its charms difficult to assimilate yet easy to identify. This tranquil scene provides a spectacular view and its stillness is broken only by the raucous noise of busy cars. This is a place were things enigmatic and beautiful sink into grandeur.
This very minute the food we have ordered is being served by a smiling waitress, and a colleague that needs to train his smile a little bit more. The minister has ordered Rigatoni in a pesto sauce, with fresh basil, zucchini and pine nuts (15.00), and I opt for the Risotto Frutti di mare (17.00) with all that lovely seafood that shoots your cholesterol higher than Bill Gates' bank account.
"When you look into the mirror what do you see?" I ask Mrs Cristina, as we toast to our health (She warns me she can only drink one glass... well, we will see about that!).
"I see someone I am comfortable with," she tells me philosophically - and of course the intelligent, yet, unrehearsed reply speaks volumes about Dolores Cristina. Her mind invariably contains a wealth of scholarly research.
She is a smart woman who represents other women - balancing a very demanding role in society yet perfectly in tune with her family life. Her manners are exquisite, and she speaks fondly of her husband Victor (with whom she is married for 33 years), and her four children - with whom she has an excellent relationship.
She is not the kind to dwell on setbacks or who would take a power nap with cotton wool pads soaked in witch hazel on her eyes if she knows she can be doing something better. Besides being a chocoholic she is also a workaholic and very committed to what she does. Maybe she even feels a little bit guilty she is enjoying this lunch - Her agenda is jam-packed.
"When you look back through your successful career," I ask, emboldened by the Ulysses Chenin Blanc Chardonnay DOK 2007 from Marsovin we both picked some time earlier... "How many times do you feel you have been backstabbed?"
With the reticence of the first rate, she gives no hint of her thoughts so I do not know what her answer will be. She tells me that she has been "hurt but not backstabbed," and pops a Rigatoni in her mouth.
The Villa offers two food menus. A Menu du jour, and a mini a la carte which consists of starters, soups, three pasta dishes, a seafood risotto, two fish and meat dishes and a Villa Burger. Their 8 page wine list is surprisingly well stocked with wines from different countries and I just love the sophistication of the wine menu cover, including its colour.
The Minister is looking equally stylish in a charcoal grey suit that could have been lifted off a rack somewhere in France, and a conservative, below-the-knee black skirt. It slots immediately into the category labelled "good taste" in my mind, and her choker is rather fascinating. I try to peek to have a better look at it, but then quickly pull myself back - She might think I have other things in mind!
My risotto is piping hot. After the first attempt I resist twisting into spine-realigning knots not even David Copperfield could get out of. It's really too hot for my mouth to handle! Other than that I have no other complaints. Mrs Cristina's Rigatoni looks tempting and very edible. She does not seem to have any problems with them being too hot.
While I wait for the risotto to cool down I move on to my next question:
"If you had not been the minister of Education, Culture and sport - which other ministry do you see yourself in?"
"Social policy!" Her answer is faster than a flash of lightning. After all, she has already occupied such post between March 2004 and March 2008. In fact, that is one of many other feathers in her cap. She has held a number of political posts within the Nationalist Party, public broadcasting, libraries, museums, and national archives.
Two tables away from us, the British High Commissioner - Ms Louise Stanton - is enjoying the Maltese sunshine and a midday lunch in the company of a young journalist with a funky tie. Right behind us, a southern looking gent and an Eastern European chick who looks like she would be one to Immac her legs in front of the television while he prepares her food, are enjoying a glass of wine and complaining about the heat.
Yes - This could really be the perfect setting for a Hollywood movie!
I turn back to the Minister and ask her if she would encourage her children to be politicians. She tells me that she would. "One of my sons aspired to be President."
She has actually managed to down one glass of wine. Excellent! High time for the more funky questions now! Mr non-smiley and Ms very-smiley remove the plates from in front of us and ask if we would like anything else. I am expecting Mrs Cristina to order sweets because she has an incredible sweet tooth (It's the very first thing she looks for on the menu), but contents herself with a coffee.
"If you were an Opera which one would you be, and why?"
"Is there one where the leading lady does not die?" She laughs, and I have to think hard because they all seem to face some tragic death.
"Oh... yes. I know! Carmen!" she enthuses, her eyes shining. "I'd love to be Carmen. The bohemian in me!"
Once again she has pinned me down with a great answer. Even more impressive than that, during the course of our luncheon, we discuss Rudyard Kipling, and she narrates a beautiful poem by heart. I'm stunned.
I dash off for a quick visit to my favourite place. A lift takes you down to a lower level and you will find very clean and smart toilets that actually look good. There is nothing to fault them with so don't expect me to drip sarcasm.
Back up one floor and past the fabulous interior of The Villa with the powder blue walls and the beautifully set tables covered in white table cloths.... I am back on the movie set.
The Immac beauty is leaving for her television moment, with the southern gent trailing behind her like a lost Labrador.
The Minister is finishing off her coffee and punching something on her cell phone.
I tell her that I loved her answer to my "which opera would you be?" question, but now I have a tougher one coming up. I hope she plays a long. Actually, before I met the minister I thought she was frightfully formal - Now that I have actually spent time with her I find her to be very approachable and fun to be with. Very down-to-earth.
"If you had to produce the musical Beauty & the Beast, who would you cast in the title roles?" I warn her she can only choose members of parliament.
"Then I'll choose Justyne for Beauty and Austin for the Beast. He's a good friend and can be very different from his public image and perception. He does have the aura for the part."
Ms Smiley hands us the bill. We pay 51.85 in total, and we are ready to leave The Villa and the A-list patrons they seem to enjoy. A pity, I would have liked this movie to go on a while longer. The minister proved to be a delightful person, and the ambience at The Villa is beyond stunning. Hercule Poirot is satisfied.
RATING: 1 - 7
Wine - ****** Ambience *******
Food - ***** Service *****