Stage frights

My offhand comment about the "state of the art" at PBS last week unleashed a slew of mail from different people. Most of them had been bitten by the "acting bug" - not in the way one usually understands the phrase, but in a totally different context.

Over the past years, we have seen the mushrooming of various production and drama companies, all of which vie for prime airtime on different stations. The virtual cutting room floor ends up littered with as much the equivalent of celluloid as bits of shattered egos.

And what's more, from the e-mails I received, I have concluded that there is money to be made from this enterprise, despite the complaints about how hard it is to put up a series. I have also concluded that sometimes, the people who do so chance losing money, and they do it for the love of it.

I reiterate what I said several times before; sometimes, the best actors are the ones to be found in the sporadic clips seen in programmes like Qalb in-Nies and others.

This is more than borne out by the fact that some people have obviously been chosen for their looks and bodies, rather than their acting abilities. I find it disgusting that some calls for applications stipulate that they must be sent in together with a portrait and full-length photograph of the applicant - as if these had any bearing on capabilities.

As I usually do, I therefore contacted people on the other side of the fence - and one of them told me that the minute he says that attendance at a course does not guarantee placement in any production, parents practically drag out their little child-stars from the room, never to return.

Then there is the merchandising, and from this it will follow that the glamour factor will rub off on all wannabes. But you just cannot promise "a part in a drama series" to all your students - unless it is as extras, those tiny specs on the horizon approaching the main event, or the inane guests at a wedding reception where not even the dresses of the bridesmaids match.

There is also the suspicion that some of the workshops and courses are nothing but money-machines for those who hold them. This argument is augmented by the fact that some schools hold mega-classes, and farm out lessons to actors who need instruction themselves. Others are very jealous of their reputation, and will not accept more than 15-20 pupils at one time.

Several people mentioned auditions. Sometimes, not even scripts are provided. The hopefuls are told that their extempore performances will indicate their mettle. This is logical - to a certain point.

For how can you expect a post-menopausal woman to pretend that she has just discovered she is pregnant? How can you expect (by his own admission) a very effeminate young man to play the part of a biker? I have a strong suspicion that sometimes, the people who hold auditions are actually making fun of these people's hopes and dreams.

These people are promised the world and a bag in which to put it - but when push comes to shove, the main parts somehow always go to the established actors - either because they own the production company, or because the owners know that the actors selected have a good following, and will therefore draw an audience - and hence, advertising revenue.

Sometimes costs are paltry - but sometimes, when the company elevates its standing to a 'school', they can escalate. Sometimes, there are peripherals such as subtle suggestions about the need for portfolios or certain 'self-improving treatments'. Much also depends on the type of drama that is produced by the companies involved, as well as other variables.

Unfortunately, this is a case where he who pays the piper does not call the tune. It is painful to see how many takes a scene requires, where the actors - and I use the term for want of a better one - are wooden, two-dimensional cut-outs. It would have been more energy-efficient, and cheaper, to use people who may not be as pleasant to look at, but who have fire in their veins and for whom it is enough to read twice through a script to learn it.

Of course, there will always be tightly-knit houses that mix-and-match the same handful of people for series on different stations, allowing no outsiders to taint their gene pool. This means that unless you follow each episode assiduously, you will confuse the errant husband of this one with the doting father of that one, and think he is acting out of character.

Meanwhile, just as an aside, one of my friends was telling me how her maid has four children by four different fathers - and sure enough, a similar situation (only in this case it's five children) has cropped up in KC. A case of art imitating life.

• This week, many other mails protested at the way Public Service Obligation funds were apportioned. Indeed, I found myself asking whether Saviour Balzan hired stretch limousines to get his guests to and from the TV studio for them to be comfortable, and on time. I assume he did not spend too much money on the set.

• Glenn Bedingfield has been appointed head of One News. I asked him whether he intends to do anything differently (read 'tone it down') from his predecessor, but up to the time of going to press (Thursday noon) I still had not received a reply.

• This year's Ohloq Tbissima telethon will take place between Friday at noon to midnight on Sunday. In this live 60-hour broadcast, funds will be collected to support the many Missionary Society of Saint Paul projects in Malta and abroad. Further details are being given in other sections of the press.

television@timesofmalta.com