No women, oh why?

Yet again no female candidate made it to the final MEP goal post. A pity because the two who almost made it - Roberta MTT and Marlene Mizzi - are made of stronger mettle than a couple of the not-really-what-you'd-call-bright-sparks elected males.

It's an even greater pity because I genuinely believe that women in top positions provide an insight and a way of lateral thinking and problem solving which an all-male environment totally lacks. I've done my fair share of job mobility and the best teams I've worked in were always led by women. Males tend to be too focused, too intent on solving the problem immediately "before the weekend" to see the bigger picture.

But it's no use crying over spilt votes: at least this time women got closer than they've ever been, which can only augur that in five years' time they may crack the glass ceiling. A quick survey with my friends shows that women do tend to vote for women, but what about the men?

I have my doubts. I think men are secretly scared of strong women. They tend to prefer damsels in distress, or if you wish, the so called 'high maintenance' girls. Being blonde (even if it's just highlights) and clueless (even if just faking it) is what would get a man to vote No 1 for the opposite sex (anyone remember Cicciolina?). As un-feminist as I may sound, and though it pains me to say it, the damsel in distress act is what unfailingly gets men going.

Maybe it's ingrained in the male psyche that their job in the world is to save the defenceless women. Case in point, the movies: Mary Jane Watson in Spider-Man, Lois Lane in Superman and Ann Darrow in King Kong.

Many men enjoy playing the part of caretaker, which is the role they are usually directed into when in the company of the 'damsel in distress' woman. Men like feeling needed and useful, and think it's cute that women rely on them to squash a spider or open a jam jar.

I have to admit that as much as I sometimes wish it, I can't put on this act - I ascribe to the whizzing about, doing everything for myself, being independent. Where has it got me, I wonder?

I've worked in male dominated offices, where I would be treated as an equal on all footings including when it's my turn to lug the water jerry can. These same colleagues - who would never lift a finger to help me with a heavier-than-me load, simply because it would never cross their mind - would fall down to their knees the minute the office bimbo (just acting dumb) drops her pen.

From time to time, I've come across women cleverly putting on the act and my, it does come in useful, particularly in times of crisis. When it comes to changing a flat tyre, rarely are women motorists wearing a tight pencil skirt left on their own.

At a wedding lately, I was chatting to a friend by the bar. "Let's get a drink," I said. "Oh no, Pete will get it for us," she replied. "But... but", I stammered, "we're right here; he's on the other side." "Darlin'", she said, "the secret to a successful relationship is to appear a bit delicate and needy - blokes like to feel they're indispensable."

The moral of all this is that men seem to like a challenge in the form of the Princess Syndrome. Good for those girls who have mastered this art and actually put it to good use. Figuring out the male psyche is no mean feat.

So my only advice for Marlene Mizzi and Roberta MTT next time round is this: blonde highlights, 'woe is me' fainting spells and a few trickles of tears here and there. That will clinch it for sure and, ladies - once you're in, scoff the tissues and show 'em who's boss.