Stephanie Chircop

The nine elements that make up Nove - facing the captivating Spinola bay - are: ambience, style, drink, food, service, people, location, comfort, value... Or so they say! I have every intention to check them out as I wait for foxy mama and TV presenter Stephanie Chircop to show up. But the lady is on time, so I barely have time to look around and absorb my surroundings. Here she comes, strutting her stuff on spiky heels and showing off a frisky figure that could keep men queuing for years to come.

"All right, hun!" she enthuses, flashing a white smile. Jacket off... a quick head-spin for the silky mane of black hair to settle down... et voilà! We're ready to rock it seems.

Right now Nove is swinging! Once I have time to reload and unwind I understand exactly why. There is nothing rambunctious about it. This is Trend City. From the plushy sofas, to the lustrous wooden tables and extravagant glass doors Nove is geared to suit the taste of those who need to be surrounded by style. The bar seems like it has a thyroid problem, stretching from one end of the room to the entrance. I like it, and love the stools... not to mention the characters currently sitting on them.

A blonde with faux-turquoise-and-pearl earrings trying to seduce an older man who has probably been pumping money into her drinks... two younger men and a closeted architect... and a foreign couple (the woman looking like Tom Jones with white hair, the husband looking like a male version of Aretha Franklin).

Stephanie has opted for a chequered black and white tunic which brings to mind Chanel's impressive tailoring. Her face is perfectly made up with colour tones to suit her quintessentially Mediterranean features. She looks seductive yet dignified at the same time. "If I had not been Maltese, I probably would choose to be Spanish," she tells me as we both get menus from the Nove Girl. "I love the Mediterranean."

The Nove waitress - let's call her Ms N - is young and smiley with the good manners of a Swiss boarding school girl. The music is a tad loud, and I strain to hear her talk, but she is probably telling us all those nice things you get told in restaurants. No, hold on... she is telling us what specials they have today!

I study the food menu, while Stephanie goes on a wine hunt. "Do you prefer red or white?" she asks concerned. I say I'm fine with both (actually, deep down I feel like a white), and she tells me she would love a "bloody red wine. Why break her heart?

I dare say, when it comes to food selection there is not too much of a choice: four risottos, five pastas, four platters, four salads, four desserts. Then again, less is more and quality should prevail over quantity. If the food comes close to the ambience, then I think I will be a happy man. A small suggestion to the owners: Why not have nine dishes of everything? Just to keep up the concept of nove. I think it would be a cool idea (Bill following in the post).

The pasta dishes are interesting indeed. I immediately decide for Bavette ai fegattini di pollo and Stephanie opts for a chicken risotto. Looks like the two of us are high on carbs.

"Let's get a Shiraz cabernet," Stephanie says handing me the wine menu. The Australian wine looks promising and decently priced at €16. I leaf through the wine list quickly and see that they have a good selection with prices ranging from €11.50 to €35.25. The menu is well presented with an index at the very front, which comes in very handy.

Ms N is back to take our order. She not only is well mannered and beautiful, but she seems to have an innate ability to make her guests feel welcome. I just wish she uses a megaphone when she speaks.

I turn to Stephanie to dig out some naughty celeb talk. I learn that she prefers to worship rather than be worshipped, and that she is madly in love with her partner. She is also the proud mother of three, and combines her working career with her family life in a structured way.

"Do you think of yourself as sexy or crazy?" I ask.

"Sexy," she replies. Well, I agree.

"Imagine you are invited to a dinner and seated between David Beckham and your partner. There is a blackout, and you feel a hand on your thigh..." (Pause, for dramatic effect... and go...) "Who would you wish it was?" (half smile... I'm pinning her with my eyes to catch the instant reaction).

"My partner," she says quickly. The eyes look honest enough. Don't all the ladies drool over David? "I don't believe you," I challenge back. "Seriously," she replies with an alluring grin.

I'm off for a quick visit to the Gents, and find myself in a private back office. Ooops... My sense of direction is what it is. Okay... here it is. Lovely! It's as exciting as a sleeping pill, but clean and spacious. Where is the soap?

I'm out again and take in the magnificent surroundings. I just love the trendy edge it has. The place has a momentum and life of its own. Burgundy is the key colour - the stools, the sofa, the walls at the far end of the wine bar that add to the ambience. Those paintings - beautiful! Yes, this is Trend City.

I walk back to the table. Ms N is back with the food and the wine. A young man, who looks like a computer geek, grates Parmesan onto my bavette. He runs out of it, and assures me he will be back with more... which he does. The service is impressive, certainly no hit-or-miss affair.

My bavette are good. They are served in a distinct sauce of chicken liver, olive oil, garlic, and a zest of dry Marsala. I don't like the way they present the risotto (looks like a honey ring) but Stephanie assures me it is very good.

More people mill in. Now here comes a steroid-enhanced mannequin and a budding actress... Six young ladies that are supposedly friends, but at least two of them look like they could tear each other apart any given minute... and a young couple who look like they have just stepped out of a fashion magazine.

I have a tricky question for my guest. "Whose head would you keep under water:

Moira Delia? Miriam Dalli? Clare Agius?"

She erupts into a string of giggles. "U ejja! They are all my friends. Maybe Moira cause it will be blonde vs brunette!" OH, Steph... You could have said all three. It is okay. They forgive you, I am sure!

We finish our meal, washing it off with the Shiraz which somehow goes well with the food even though I did not think so at first. Ms faux-turquoise-and-pearl earrings walks out with sugar-daddy, off to candy lane, and almost trips over our table. It's the wine not the heels!

We pick the tab. It amounts to €32.50, which I agree is good value. The night is a success in many ways. I think Stephanie is totally amazing, and behind the good looks there is a ticking brain and some real strong values. Nove is a place I will surely go back to, and besides the service, food, drink, and ambience... it is a great place for people spotting.

The six girls are having some fake fun and shooting poison bullets at each other as we stand up to leave. They are seated in one of the four booths on the right-hand side, all six of them dressed up for chic, night seduction. But sorry girls! Top prize goes to my guest who is a real stunner without making so much of an effort.

privateye@timesofmalta.com