That chronic illness adversely affects the patient’s life is no surprise to anyone but in fact chronic illness also affects the lives of the patient’s immediate family. When the sufferer is a parent, the illness impacts young children more severely; if the parent’s illness comes with the stigma of mental illness then the children’s lives may become very difficult indeed.
Of course, like anything else in life there are no hard and fast rules about this and some children are less affected than others due to a number of factors. However, the statistics are startling – one in four of us will experience mental health problems at some point in our lives while 50-66 per cent of parents with severe enduring mental illness live with at least one child under the age of 18. It is therefore logical to assume that a number of children have to deal with the challenges of having a mentally ill parent.
There are two main factors that determine how an individual copes with life’s challenges – our natural resilience and the support structure around us. Children are no exception; some will weather the problem without any apparent adverse affects while others will exhibit signs of greater emotional, psychological and behavioural problems than their peers.
In order to understand how a parent’s illness may affect a child, we must understand the ways that mental illness affects parenting. A parent’s life is a demanding balance of life roles: partner/parent/work/son-daughter and, when we are mentally healthy, we are able to meet these demands. For parents with mental health problems, this already difficult balancing act may become an impossible task and they may also lack confidence in their parenting skills, leading them to either discipline their children too harshly or practically not at all.
A short-term or mild mental problem may have no or little impact on the child, but when the illness is long-term or more severe a parent may need hospital care. A parent’s hospitalisation is always cause for anxiety in their children; frequent hospital stays will disrupt a child’s stability in life which in turn can lead to a catch 22 situation as the parent, in an effort to put the children’s interest first, may refuse to seek medical help to avoid hospitalisation.
More serious illness can lead to more trauma in a child’s life. Mild depression for instance may make a parent sad, miserable and detached for some time but with treatment Mummy or Daddy recovers and life returns to normal. More severe depression, however, can lead to suicidal tendencies and in some cases parents have taken their own lives and that of their children. A child who has witnessed a parent’s suicide attempts will obviously have difficult emotional issues to deal with.
Lone parents are more prone to suffer from mental health problems, and as any single parent can testify, parental ill-health of any sort is far more problematic when you are alone. Without a support system in place, children, especially the very young, may find their basic needs unmet when their parent is unwell. This may result in irregular school attendance, apparent disinterest in schoolwork and an untidy appearance in general – all signs that should trigger alarm bells in teachers and carers but are not exclusive to mental health problems at home.
And here lies the rub – the stigma associated with mental illness often leads to a reluctance to discuss the problems with “outsiders”. Until the mid-20th century, there was one way to deal with the mentally ill – to remove them from society completely and popular culture still demonises mental illness in many ways. The most violent criminals are often depicted as being “psychos” both in the news and on the silver screens. We colloquially refer to people “driving like a maniac” or “raving like a lunatic”. We have no qualms about saying someone is at Mater Dei but talk of Mount Carmel in hushed tones of “hemm fuq” (up there). Thus it’s not surprising that those suffering the consequences of mental illness are loath to admit as much.
The fear of having the children put into care simply because a parent is mentally ill is not only seriously damaging to all concerned but it is also erroneous. Children are only taken into care if they are at risk of being harmed or being neglected. In most cases adhering to the medication prescribed will control the parent’s illness although some medication comes with unwelcome side effects such as fatigue.
The family also needs support and assistance, which may be provided by the extended family, community members or social workers. Thus if, for example, a parent has trouble concentrating and is unable to help with the children’s homework and studies, arrangements should be made for the child to attend a homework club or study with a friend or relative.
Professionals in the mental health field should be aware of the patient’s family situation and take appropriate action on that information. Thus, if a parent requires hospitalisation, ensuring the children will be adequately cared for in their parent’s absence shouldn’t be simply the parent’s problem – that parent may be unable to make such provisions at that moment in time.
Similarly, adopting a whole family approach to treating mental illness would avoid much heartache and misery. Two speakers at the conference shared their experience of living with a mentally ill family member and support featured high on their list of priorities. Family members need to be able to talk to someone who understands and possibly be able to address their concerns.
Parents or partners need to be involved in their loved one’s care; children need to understand what is happening to their mum or dad. The nature of some mental disorders may lead to parents withdrawing from their loved ones when they are ill; their children may interpret this withdrawal as a personal rejection and counselling is important to guard against this happening.
Dealing with the adverse affects mental illness has on the patients and their families requires a two-pronged approach. Professionals in and out of the mental health field need to collaborate to ensure every individual is cared for. Thus psychologists, psychiatrists, general practitioners, nurses, social workers and educators should all be involved as the need arises.
Crucially, we must also all take responsibility for eliminating the stigma on mental health. Until the day comes that society accepts mental ill-health in the same way as we do arthritis or heart disease, those living with the realities of mental illness will be burdened with the added pressure of dealing with our prejudice.

Source: Weekender, April 4, 2009