In one of his diatribes, harking back to at least 2005, Jeremy Clarkson referred to the then current strike at the BBC (during the course of which Michael Grade said, "there is no quick sticking-plaster solution to years of neglect of licence fee-payers' interests").
Clarkson had said that he and his crew had not joined the fracas because there "had been no plans to introduce adverts for panty-liners in the middle of Newsnight", and had there been, he would have had second thoughts.
As it was, the worst-hit services of the corporation were those that were based on live news coverage and programmes, so listeners were plied with a day of repeats, jazz, comedy and documentaries. So, what's new? It was better than some of the fare presented on local stations these days, anyway.
Be that as it may, it was two days early for April's Fool jokes, and yet the 'Bush Telegraph' was already buzzing with conflicting reports about what had happened in connection with Bonġu, the TVM breakfast show.
It would be boring to present a timeline of events, just as it would be unfair to repeat the minutiae of what I have been told by the parties involved. Suffice to say that what began as a misunderstanding has been blown out of proportion by several people who have nothing better to do than fan flames for their own ends.
Moreover, some of the so-called information about this that has already appeared in the press is biased. To add insult to injury, some of them have no connection at all with John Bundy, Dee Media, or even the third parties mentioned in the dispute.
• Knowing that Mark Doneo does not smoke, I asked him why some of the characters - including the one portrayed by himself in Amen - do. He replied that it was merely verisimilitude, and that it will not happen in his upcoming drama.
However, I received some stills of another forthcoming drama, in which a female character is seen smoking. Following it up, I was told that this was done to portray her as an evil character. The mind boggles; I never knew that not smoking implied that one was a decent sort.
Does the repeat of this drama go out before the watershed hour? I have to ask this, knowing the amount of time people at TVM had taken to edit out smoking scenes from Thunderbirds - and that was a puppet show.
Each episode of this new series will carry a rating; I hope that parents will respect this, because I know for a fact that some children spend their evenings watching recorded drama that is not meant for their age-group, simply because 'they like it and it keeps them occupied'.
• It annoys me that some presenters of different genres of programmes still feel the need to use psychological tricks to make their guests feel inferior. Could this be that they do not have enough confidence in their own abilities? Or is it the floor manager's idea?
These ruses include barbs such as 'bik u mingħajrek xorta'. However, this week I chanced upon one that was even worse. A guest was described - twice - as 'kaxxa ġenn' - which is not nice at all, even when said with a smile, given its connotations. There is also body language, and the 'throne' matter, where all chairs are lower than that of the presenter. If it happens to be a female dressed to the nines, the contrast is greater - and very distracting.
• After certain sections of the press resorted to toilet humour that included the phrases 'Air Force One', 'flight path' and 'Michelle Obama', TVM took the milder, safer route, and presented viewers with a very watered down April Fool's joke using the same basic terminology. We were expected to believe that the First Lady had hopped over for a jaunt with Cherie Blair while her husband was busy with his G20 commitments.
• As expected, there is a continuation of the chequers and chess games, with people moving across the ether for the coming season.
Brian Hansford will be moving his current events/talk show programme Realtà from Smash to One Television. The show will air on Thursdays at 9.45 p.m.
Joyce Guillaumier will be presenting a cultural programme, Faċċati, also on One Television, on Fridays at 9.45 p.m. and Sam Vella presents Anzalora on Sunday mornings at 11 a.m. This will centre on all things to do with agriculture and farming.
Net Television will be giving Ippakkja u Itlaq a new lease of life. In this local version of Don't Forget your Toothbrush, Jenny Lee Zammit and John Busuttil will be scouring the streets to find a willing 'victim' who will then be asked to gird his loins and leave. Valerie Vella and Albert Callus will be in-studio links.
• I have gone on record as saying that practically nothing except the news bulletins were worth watching on Favourite Channel. This is set to change. Fehma, presented by Andrew Azzopardi, kicked off on April 1. It is a half-hour, one-on-one, feisty interview interlude, intended to discover what makes people tick - and what makes them explode. Guests are going to be from all the pages of Dr Azzopardi's address book, and therefore a variety of sectors: sports, journalism, music, television, politics and more.
Now, having dropped my week's quota of names, I'm off to get me one of those artifiċjali imma rejali potted Saguaro Cactus for my balcony.
television@timesofmalta.com