Claudia Faniello speaks about the monster that ruled her life

For years, the first thing popular singer Claudia Faniello thought about when she woke up was how she would get rid of the food she ate that day.

That thought remained with her until she closed her eyes in the evening.

"It was like a monster living inside me, something which stole my identity," she said about bulimia, the eating disorder that ruled most of her teenage years.

Speaking at the University as part of a campaign by medical students to raise awareness about eating disorders, the 21-year-old recounted how she first fell prey to bulimia.

"I was always very conscious of my body image and knew that if I wanted to take up a singing career I had to watch my weight. I felt chubby and was unhappy with the way I looked. I don't remember the moment I realised I could get rid of the food I ate by throwing up," she said.

But at 14 she began poking her fingers deep in her mouth to throw up after eating something she felt was not good for her. After some time, this became a daily routine and Ms Faniello started inducing vomiting even after drinking a glass of water.

"The situation was getting worse and whatever went into my mouth had to come back out. It was the first thing I thought about when I woke up in the morning and the last thing before going to sleep at night."

Although throwing up was not an enjoyable experience, for Ms Faniello it became like a drug, giving her a rush. It became a premeditated daily routine and she would even take a teaspoon with her whenever she went out.

"I knew I would dirty my hands if I used my fingers to induce vomit, so I would use a teaspoon," she said during her short, candid speech.

She even began to eat colourful food first and then steering clear of that colour: "I would have a tomato and then eat whatever. I would continue throwing up until I could see the red tomato to be sure I had got rid of everything I had eaten."

As time went by, Ms Faniello became even more apt at her self-destructive behaviour. She learnt that drinking water helped her throw up more easily and she started finding ways of muffling the sound of her retching.

"My life started revolving around the minutes I spent in the bathroom throwing up and the amazing feeling of victory I felt later. It became addictive, just like a drug."

When her family realised something was wrong, her mother started bringing her DVDs of bulimic people. "Rather than encouraging me to quit, this gave me even more ideas. I would learn every detail and afterwards emulate that behaviour. The monster inside me was so powerful that I used everything as a weapon to help me throw up."

It was her love of singing that helped Ms Faniello come out of her addiction to throwing up.

"The acidity in vomit was affecting my vocal chords and I started getting hoarse. My voice was the only thing I liked about myself and I was afraid of losing it. That was what gave me the courage to stop," she recalled.

However, the road to recovery was full of hurdles and setbacks: "In the beginning, I would frequently fall back to my old habits. Even today the temptation is still there but I try to find other ways to lose weight and feel better about myself."

She now feels the need to raise awareness about the condition, urging other sufferers to seek help: "At least they should tell one person, someone who can listen to them and help them. You have to stand up and fight the monster that is constantly in your brain and sucks up all your values and thoughts."

Information about eating disorders can be found on the website www.tastefreedom.org.