An ode to football

Don't ye worry James Calvert, I don't intend to pinch your delightfully blokey Sunday column. But hey, we're in the height of the football season and love it or hate it, there is no denying the sporting, cultural and social importance of the 'beautiful game'.

I love footy. That's not to say I don my scarf every weekend and head to the football ground. I do not tend to watch Match of the Day, nor do I have any football gear hanging in my wardrobe. In fact, come to think of it, I do not watch any games on TV except, err, the World Cup.

So based on this, do I have the right credentials to say I love football? I think so. I spent my childhood Sundays watching Novantesimo Minuto with my father (regaling him with an endless number of questions such as: would the show still run if presenter Paolo Valenti went on holiday? Did the guy ever take a Sunday off? Did he ever eat lunch at home on Sundays? Can a player jump on the goalpost and score from there like they do in the Ollie e Benji cartoons?).

My father was a strong (armchair) supporter of Chelsea, Paola Hibs and England (except when they played Malta). And so, as is the norm, I inherited the football fandom. Of course, every European and World Cup I'd swear about having to wave the flag for the hopeless English team. But then, being born and nurtured to cheer for the Union Flag, you can't really switch sides can you? On the local front, whenever Hibernians went on a winning streak (not more than once every five years), we'd go to the football ground to watch the crucial games live.

Now, the football ground: that is an experience. An emotionally-charged swearing fest probably sums it up aptly, but there is more to it than that.

The real life drama stories you get to hear about from the total stranger sitting next to you; the collective sharp intake of breath when the ball misses the net; the hotdog buns stuffed with sausage, beans and chips; the colourful gossip about each and every player; the conflicting advice bellowed to the players... By the time the ref blows the final whistle, it doesn't matter whether your team has won because nothing beats the adventure. The atmosphere is unparalleled to any other activity you might do throughout the year.

So I was raised with football in the background. My parents would think nothing of debating over mealtime whether Abramovich was right in firing Mourinho. And I know the rules of the game of course. I can explain the offside rule without a single stutter. And despite being a passive footy lover, I can feverishly pitch five reasons why football should be play some part in everyone's life:

1. It's an ideal field to release passion and emotion.

2. Your support makes you part of a team, almost the 12th man

3. It is full of soul-appeasing rituals

4. Supporting a team is like having a long term boyfriend or girlfriend.

5. For the whole of the 90 minutes, you forget that your dog peed on your mother-in-law's priceless Persian carpet yesterday.

I love the very fact that football exists. More than that, I think it is one of society's best assets. It is a constant. In an ever-changing world, it is a stable point of reference. It's reassuring that, come war or peace, the back pages of any newspaper will always be dedicated to footy. It is good to know that whatever happens, there'll be a World Cup every four years. Football highlights the importance of rules in society - it keeps the world in structure. It is the golden ball of our society.