Where is home? For most children this question is a no-brainer but for some life is more complex. A child whose parents live separately may consider himself to have one or two homes depending on the family’s circumstances. Ask a child who is in out-of-home care and this question may well open a can of worms.
For the child who is removed from the family home and placed into foster or residential care, life is complicated; these youngsters are carrying more emotional baggage than some adults.
Research has shown that children thrive best in the family environment and so every effort is made by courts and social workers to keep the family together. It is only when remaining within the family home is detrimental to a child’s physical or psychological health that the drastic step of separating the child from his family is taken.
A child entering the care system is often doubly traumatised – first by whatever situation necessitates his entering the system in the first place and then by the separation from his family. The extent of the trauma depends on the circumstances leading to the family’s break-up.
When families hit difficult times rendering parents incapable of caring for their children, the parents themselves may ask to have their young ones placed into care until they are back on their feet. These may include cases of parental ill health, death of a parent, extreme financial hardship or the break-up of a family.
In other cases, where children are mistreated or neglected by their parents, social workers may apply to the courts to have the children forcibly removed from their parents and placed into care. Here the courts may either simply deprive parents of their custodial rights; making the Minister of Social Policy the children’s legal guardian or the parents may be stripped of their parental rights altogether. In the latter circumstance the child may be adopted, whereas in the first instance he may not, although the state may remain responsible for that child until he reaches maturity.
Although recent years have brought about a preference for foster care over residential care, a number of children still need to be housed in residential care. This is partly due to the lack of foster families available and partly due to the difficulties involved in placing some children in foster families.
The Salesian Order has long played a vital role in providing residential care for boys and young men and St Patrick’s Residential Home is presently one of just two institutions available for boys aged nine to 16. Although housed in the same building for just over a 100 years, many changes have been wrought within the residence to ensure the best level of care for the boys living there.
One innovation is the creation of a multi-disciplinary therapy team which includes a drama therapist, a psychotherapist, family therapist, educational psychologist and a counselling psychologist who work with the boys and, crucially, their families. The team works to enable all concerned “become aware of, come to terms with and accept their past thus helping them project a better future”.
Gestalt therapist Audrey Agius explains: “Previously therapy was offered to the boys but we soon realised that without engaging and working with the family we would be sending the child back to the same situation. If the whole family is not supported the same relational patterns that had caused the original conflicts, would soon start to be re-enacted.”
It is with this focus in mind that the therapists at St Patrick’s devised a three-day conference next week in collaboration with the Office of the Commissioner for Children, bringing together local stakeholders and international speakers to explore how therapy affects children in out-of-home care and their families. Fr Antoine Farrugia sdb, head of care at St Patrick’s, sums the situation up succintly: “It would be easy to judge the children’s parents; it would also be useless and not entirely fair to do so. We often find that there is a cycle of children who grew up in care going on to have their children also raised in care.
“Some families are hit by misfortune and other parents simply do not have the skills to raise a child. The most effective way to help these families is to equip them with the necessary know-how to build beneficial relationships, ideally providing a stimulating, caring environment for their children.”
“Home is where the heart is” or so the saying goes yet children living away from their family live with a different reality, torn between wanting to be with their family and the need to live in a stable, nourishing environment.
The dilemmas and challenges of out-of-home care
The following examples are true facts but do not relate to specific children or families. To protect the children’s privacy, all names are fictitious.
When John’s father Joe was made redundant two years ago, his mother Jane increased her hours at work from part-time to full- time in an attempt to keep the family finances in order. As the bills mounted and Joe remained unemployed, he became increasingly depressed, eventually being admitted to Mount Carmel Hospital for treatment.
Unable to cope alone and with no family support, Jane turned to the state for assistance and John now lives at St Patrick’s from Monday to Friday, spending weekends with his mother.
Over the last two years, John’s schoolworks have suffered drastically as, desperately worried by what was happening in the family, he became withdrawn and edgy.
On first arriving at St Patrick’s John was withdrawn and uncommunicative but now understands the situation far better. Therapy helped the child come to terms with what had happened at home and identified a lack of effective communication within the family which Jane and Joe are now working to improve.
John has no difficulties in identifying home: home is with his parents and he is confident of returning to live with them soon.
* * *
Ten-year-old James has been at St Patrick’s for the last year after having been placed under a care order by the courts. His parents have neglected the boy to such an extent that his development has been stunted and he has the mental maturity of a five-year- old.
Under the care and guidance of the staff at St Patrick’s and the social workers appinted by the state, James is beginning to thrive and his carers believe that if James had been born into a stable, loving family he would be one of life’s high-fliers.
Unfortunately, his development is continually hampered by his parents’ lack of concern for their son.
Although James is scheduled to go home every weekend, his parents are unreliable, often failing to turn up at the last minute.
Friday afternoon regularly finds James hiding in the wardrobe sobbing his heart out instead of heading out excitedly to spend a weekend home.
During a recent meeting with social workers, Jack and Josephine were anxious to ensure that neither one of them was “lumped with the boy” for the weekend – both had social engagements they didn’t want to miss.
Despite his parents’ cavalier attitude to his care, James is desperate to be reunited with his birth family.
Where is Home? is being held between Thursday and Saturday and is open to social workers, care workers, therapists, foster carers, educators and parents. For more information log on to www.whereishomeconference.org or e-mail info@whereishomeconference.org.
Source: Weekender, March 7, 2009
See also Homes Away from Home in Child magazine today