Honestly now. Would you buy a perfume called Sweat?

Well, it seems that Steve Caesar, a popular local DJ, thinks so. And in fact, this is what he named his signature 'designer' perfume, which according to the posters I've come across on several lamp posts, is for sale at all leading perfumeries.

Unfortunately, I haven't been quite the good journalist about it: I haven't actually sniffed out the perfume for myself. Not that I didn't try, mind.

Over Christmas, while out Christmas shopping, my sister and I, for a lark, trailed several perfumeries in search of this, um, perspiration grail, but none stocked it. Admittedly, our queries were squeaky, giggly and barely inaudible: "Have you, er, got Sweat? Um, Sweat by Caesar?"

Maybe when choosing the name, Caesar was influenced by the sweet stench of deejaying success - after all, this guy's day job consists of having a bunch of revellers sweating it out in front of him.

And anyway, he is not the only one to follow this road of own-name scents treaded by international celebrities; Rachel Vella of Tista' Tkun Int fame also has her own signature perfume (My Secret - yes, smelt it, very Davidoffy).

So it seems that, grim though things are economy-wise, it's encouraging to know that business minds are buzzing and we can report a new breed of booming commercialism in our very own local 'celebrity perfumes'.

The thing with all these signature fragrances is that increasingly, men's and women's perfumes are becoming very unoriginal. And I say this with the authority of someone whose sense of smell outwits that of her dog.

Female scents seem mostly to be variations on the theme of flowers, as if it were bees that women were hoping to attract. Men try to smell either astringent or musky: resulting in ghastly-smelling aftershaves and perfumes.

Maybe with this credit crunch era, we need a whiff of change in the air: it's time to go back to basics. We should all smell of natural homely things. How about dabbing the perfume of freshly baked bread, for instance? Or the smell of the fields after a downpour, or the smell of freshly cut grass, or the smell of the carob tree on a hot summer night, or the smell of the sea during a storm? Can these be bottled please?

These scents are not overtly pleasant but definitely very reassuring.

Because, you know what, with all the synthetic smells, we are failing to tap into the potential importance of nature's subliminal olfactory signals: We are losing our own unique body scent profile.

And this, according to top UK perfumerer George Dodd, is not something to be sniffed at. His studies reveal that, for example, we consciously smell our dates - and the natural body scent plays an important part in the tango of attraction because we are effectively sniffing out complementary genes in our date's immune system.

This current rash of 'celebrity' perfumes is not helping our detective senses. These conveyor belt fragrances can hardly be distinguished and certainly do not enhance or complement our own body odour.

Could this be why the increase in relationship breakdowns? Because our noses are not doing their homework properly?

So here is my suggestion for Valentine's Day: forget all its commercialism, tell your date to wash all traces of perfume and sniff each other to your heart's content.

Drink as much wine as your purse will permit, because wine chemicals increase the personal level of your own body scent, and on the basis of what you detect, you can make up your mind whether the guy or the girl is for you.

Needless to say, this has nothing to do with sweat.