Home is where the heart is

Christmas has always held a special place in my heart. When I was just a child I used to spend days thinking what I would ask for from Father Christmas, and then couldn’t wait till Christmas morning to see what I had received. As I grew older this anticipation did not subside. My love for Christmas grew deeper, possibly because we’ve always made an effort to enjoy it together as a family.

Putting up the tree and the crib, decorating the house and the special place for baby Jesus were always carried out to the sound of Christmas carols in the background and a mug of tea or hot chocolate to spur us on.

And this feeling was further augmented when I had my son just over two years ago. I could heap sackloads of gifts on him (not that I need to wait for Christmas to do so) and pass on most of the decades-old traditions.

I have now realised that having a toddler helping you out (if that is actually the case!) with the Christmas decorations can be such great fun. And something to look forward to from year to year. I know how special we tried to make our son’s first Christmas. And this is also the case with two families I met. One has just adopted a son from Cambodia, the other has fostered a local boy. Both have gone to great lengths to fulfil their dreams…

…On an overcast Saturday morning, I made my way to Mosta to meet with Claire and Mario, who only a couple of months earlier brought their adoptive son over to Malta from Cambodia.

I was met by Mario and we made our way to their house in an old part of the town. Greeting me together with his mother was a cheerful Steve, who was not taken aback to meet a complete stranger.

He is nearly the same age as my own son, so I felt quite at ease trying to make some child talk with him. His smile is heart-wrenching and I can see why his adoptive parents adore him so much.

Finally we managed to make our way to the living area where I started chatting up the parents while Steve and a Barney DVD played in the background.

Why did they decide to adopt a child?

Mario immediately plunges into discussion. “We had been married for about 10 years. Finally, after some friends of ours had adopted, we decided to think about the idea thoroughly. We were soon going to turn 40 and said, why not, let’s go for it.

“We went to the induction and familiarisation course given by the social services department. At first I was very sceptical about it. However, I can now understand its true meaning and why it is important for the family to be assessed. Since our adoption we have also remained in contact with some of the other couples attending our group sessions,” they explained.

During this year-long process Claire and Mario surfed the internet to see where they could adopt from. They came across this credited and licensed American agency which organised adoptions from Cambodia. “Once we decided this was what we wanted, we were sent photos of the child, a brief medical report and a short history. A full medical report is needed once you commit yourself on the actual adoption.

“Adopting a boy or a girl was not such a problem. However, we were told that it was a lot faster if we adopted a boy. In fact within a couple of months, we were flying out to Cambodia for nine days.”

Mario had thought that he would have some time to see the place. However this was not exactly the case. They were met at the airport by the private orphanage’s own director. After having rested over­night, they picked them up and accompanied them to the adoption ministry, where they partook in a “giving and receiving ceremony” and were handed a number of photos.

“We were also given his name written in Khmer. The people in Cambodia are very grateful that you have adopted a child from their country. They think that child is lucky and even come up to you personally to thank you. They love their children and it was quite a feat to get used to having them come up to Steve to touch him all the time we were out together.

“During our stay in Cambodia we visited the orphanage, where we could see Steve in his own environment with his carers. There were only seven children there and they were extremely well cared for and loved. Steve was also blessed by the Buddhist monks,” chimes Claire, who has stopped working for the time being to tend to her son.

Both parents remarked that it was unfair that adoption leave was just five weeks. Like natural parents they needed time to get used to their child and for the child to get used to his new environs, parents and extended family members.

This has not been a problem for Steve who settled down immediately, although at first he was a bit scared of Mario. “I have a beard. And the men in Cambodia are completely clean shaven. I had to shave my beard as I did not want to scare him, especially while I fed him during the night.”

Since then Mario has re-grown his beard and is now settling down and preparing to spend Christmas with his newfound love.

“Like previous years we plan to spend Christmas with the family. But now we have our own. We want to see Steve’s reaction to the cribs, the presents and all the festive lights.

“We will spend Christmas Day at our parents’ houses were we will exchange gifts and enjoy a hearty meal together. We will keep up the tradition of putting up the tree and the decorations. We just can’t wait to share those moments with Steve.”

They have still not decided what they will buy him. However, he loves to ride on things, and a bicycle or tricycle might definitely come in handy, they think.

Mario and Claire have had a very positive reaction to their son. And at the back of their mind are recurring thoughts on whether or not to go through the adoptive process again, and possibly adopt a sister or brother for Steve.

“You might never know. But for the time being he is the son we’ve always wanted,” said Claire, bending down to pick him up.

“He is our Khmer prince,” added his father lovingly…

…A few days later, on an even colder and wetter morning, I made my way to another family home, where I was caught up with Jane and Charles, their five-year-old son Anthony and their latest arrival Frank. Frank is a nine-month-old boy who has been fostered by the family since September. He lives with the family and they take a lot of decisions which concern him. “We do not take decisions that will affect his life in four or five years’ time. We live day by day. We would like to go on holiday together, and had thought about going away over the Christmas period. However, getting a passport was going to be quite a hassle, so we’ve put it on hold for the time being,” she said.

It was quite tough for the family to adjust to having Frank around. The first two weeks, he was constantly crying. He has since settled down although he still wakes up during the night a number of times.

“He is the centre of attraction. There’s a lot going for him at the moment. Everything is new for him, be it a walk in his pushchair, a trip to the supermarket, visiting relatives. He is being spoilt rotten and he likes the idea.

“He’s a very happy but demanding child. He seeks attention, because he has now realised that he is getting a certain particular attention from all of us. He likes going out, having baths and eating anything that’s edible. He hates confined tight spaces and socks. Only recently his first two teeth emerged,” said Charles, lifting Frank and hugging him close.

The family has already given Frank a welcome party. However, there is no doubt that more celebration is due over the coming weeks.

“We are planning to buy a new Christmas tree and should be putting up the decorations soon. We have not thought about what we are going to get him for Christmas, although we’re buying him things every single day,” the parents remarked.

I asked Anthony whether he would be getting Frank anything. After a while he said: “A photo book. He can then place all the photos in it and enjoy looking at them.”

Anthony had at first found it difficult to accept the situation of having somebody else taking the attention which had always been his. “We now try to give him time on his own with us,” said Jane, although Anthony is always on the lookout making sure Frank does not hurt himself.

“We can tell that until a few months ago, he was not brought up in a family. We are trying to remedy this and hope that the time he spends with us will have been well spent,” they said.

“We’re giving him as much of a normal life as possible, treating him as if he were our own. We hope to have him for as long a time as possible. It’s difficult knowing that you might have built a good relationship to then have him taken away from you.

“…Until then, we’ll take it day by day,” they all mused.

All names have been changed to protect identities.