Divorce can offer hope

I am very rarely driven to reply to letters in the paper, but this once is going to be the exception.

In The Times of Thursday, a letter by Ray Azzopardi titled Marital Bond Missing From Divorce Debate eulogises at length about the value of marriage and Christian beliefs.

While I too am a Christian, I think it is unfair to say that those who are Roman Catholics do not have recourse to divorce if their marriage breaks down. Likewise it is unfair to expect all Christians to continue in a failed marriage.

I strongly believe that if you really believe in marriage and the bond it implies there is the possibility to work through the rough times. No number of get-out clauses - as people seem to view divorce - will change your mind or dissolve a marriage. This belief stretches beyond religious dogma. There have been civil marriages and cohabitations which lasted till death parted the partners.

Over and above this, for Christians, the terms of annulment of the Church do not permit recourse for those who suffer mental, emotional or physical violence within the marriage, if these were not present before the walk down the aisle.

Now we all know that people change and unfortunately, not always for the better. How about those people who suffer infidelity? Is it that easy to forgive and forget and move on? What if you cannot? Does anybody have the right to force you to stay in a bond which is making you unhappy? How about if you are willing to fight for the marriage and your spouse is not? Where does that leave you?

I believe that it's not merely religious values that keep marriages together; the ability to communicate, be committed and make sacrifices go far beyond religion. It is way too simplistic to think that way and also unfair to those who suffer.

The breakdown of a marriage is a painful, confusing and heartbreaking experience. I can assure readers that the large majority who resort to separation do not do so lightly or capriciously. Mr Azzopardi makes the sweeping statement that people whose marriages break down and ask for divorce (in our case so far, separation) have given up on themselves as human beings and lost hope or are lesser members of the Church! Does that ring as judgemental? If so, how Christian is that?

To the contrary, for these people divorce would offer the hope of building a family, at least protected by the law, if not within the Church, unlike the case of many in Malta today.

May I simply conclude by saying to Mr Azzopardi that I believe the right to practise your faith and speak freely should not fly in the face of the rights of others, and that before he pontificates so heavily, he should walk a mile in the shoes of those he writes about...