Wash your mouth out

Norman Lowell, to whom, were it not for the fact that we have to know what these people are doing in order to be able to outflank them, no attention should be paid, lost his appeal against his conviction.

For those whose knowledge of the law is based on John Grisham, the reason why Mr Lowell's (circa) 55-odd page appeal application was slung out was that one of the requirements of the law, namely that a reasonably full outline of the salient facts should form part of the application, was, for some reason known only to Mr Lowell, left out. This is fatal to an appeal application, as has been held by the courts for many, many years.

I know this because, back in the year dot and in my real life, I had filed an appeal against a judgment from the Magistrates' Court, which, if memory serves, was in a case for criminal libel concerning Mhux fl-Interess tal-Poplu, that inestimable exemplar of journalistic satire, and I, a callow youth at the time, had neglected to include a résumé of the facts. The Court of Criminal Appeal duly consigned my client's appeal to the equivalent of a forensic dustbin, much to my client's lack of amusement.

This wasn't, then, some sort of conspiracy by the Establishment to prevent Mr Lowell from running in the upcoming MEP elections. Given his utter failure last time around to convince more than a motley couple of dozen of like-minded souls to cast a ballot in his favour, I would have thought that Mr Lowell's fans, such as they are, would have been thankful that he had been saved the embarrassment, not to mention the expense, of running again.

Such conviction, you see, doesn't allow Mr Lowell to stand for elections.

But this didn't stop people from filling the comments section of the report on Mr Lowell's latest failure at the courts with howls of disappointment and theories of conspiracy. Apparently, it was convenient for the Establishment, according to these analysts of the socio-political scene, for Mr Lowell to be snookered in the MEP stakes. You see, the massed ranks of racists, bigots and xenophobes were poised to roar down to the polling stations, come the day, to give Mr Lowell their Big One, thereby causing the MLPN duet to lose traction and start the slippery slope to oblivion.

In this endeavour, the MLPN tandem was, of course, aided and abetted by the forces of reaction in Europe. You might think this is fanciful, but recall, if you will, the clear and present danger that Mr Lowell, on being elected to the European Parliament, would link up with the other denizens of the Radical Righteous Reformers (also known as the Revolting Rabid Racists) and give birth to the Imperium Europa, or whatever it is they call the fruits of their overheated imaginations. From there it would be but a small step to erecting a high, figurative or literal, fence around Europa Bianca, leaving the horrid nig-nogs on the outside.

From this point, it would have been but a short hop skip and a jump to stringing up people like me from the nearest lamp-post, a fate which was threatened a number of times.

It was only too be expected, then, that the full force of the Establishment would be brought to bear on everyone concerned, ensuring that Mr Lowell's fine and uplifting defence of humanity would be turned into looking like a base and sordid outburst of racism and insult to the President.

It is ironic, not to say sad in the extreme, that someone like Mr Lowell, who purports to be a defender of the true soul of the country (or some such claptrap) has been convicted of being insulting to the embodiment of the nation. It is not Eddie Fenech Adami who was insulted by this sorry individual but each and every one of us because the Presidency is the country in this context, whether or not you agree with the politics the incumbent espoused before.

What was almost funnier than the squeals of the conspiracy theorists was the bleating of the people who thought that Mr Lowell had been exercising his right of freedom of expression and that his conviction was a denial of these rights.

The fact that Mr Lowell's crime was in a very real sense itself a denial of an even more basic right, the right to a decent life, seems to have escaped these people completely. Nor for them the idea that to sup at the table of human rights, you need to have clean hands - nope, for these erudite commentators on the state of the law, squeaking about freedom of speech is a convenient peg on which to hang an utterly ridiculous hat.

As long as it's all a conspiracy, though, that's all right then.

On to happier things, a few decent meals were had this week and I bring you tidings of joy in this regard. On Friday, I was invited to the Bar, more precisely La Sbarra in the Embassy Complex, for lunch. A rather good place indeed, especially since, apparently, it's to be open all hours, which is great for post-movie and theatre eating.

On Friday evening, before heading off North, we had dinner at Rubino's, under new ownership but still serving up good stuff in the friendliest of atmospheres. On Monday, another kind invitation took me down memory lane to the Arches in Mellieħa, where I'll be seen again before long, there being much more on the menu to sample. As good as it ever was, in fact, if not better.

imbocca@gmail.com, www.timesofmalta.com/blogs