The mouse that roared

Well, it seems that so-called little Malta is being taken seriously at last. Not since the days when Mintoff used to stamp his little foot and shout: "Shan't!" at various world forums, have we had so much national clout.

I am of course referring to the vital part played by little Malta at the EU's Council of Ministers in ensuring that all the countries of the EU should take in a certain number of illegal immigrants, the policy known as burden-sharing.

I'm reliably informed that what swung it in our favour was the fact that our chief negotiator locked himself in the Gents WC and refused to come out until all the countries had signed up to the burden-sharing agreement. Bravo! say I... that's showing them. How dare they think they can steamroller us into submission? How dare they even try?

This is Malta, the centre of the universe. Nobody shoves us around. And we are not going to leave it at that. There are many other issues that we need to push through and now's the time to do it, while the rest of Europe is still reeling from our forceful approach to the illegals issue.

Right then: For a start, let's do away with all this spring hunting ban nonsense. If we want to massacre migrating endangered avian species, we will ... u daqsekk! Tell Barroso, will you somebody?

And why stop there? What about fixing ourselves up with an independent nuclear deterrent? If North Korea and Iran can have one - why not Malta? Get some jobsworth from the Foreign Ministry to drop Putin a line (He still seems to be pulling the strings in Moscow). I'm sure he'll come across with the necessary technology. And just think what the rest of the world would do if Malta went nuclear. Who said, blow us out of the Med? No chance; in our new-found assertive mood we'll be a match for anyone. Bring them on!

Then what about all these nonsensical EU regulations? You know, stuff like imposing a statutory size and weight for each pastizz? Rubbish! Why should we, dedicated pastizzi eaters down the generations, allow some grey bureaucrat in Brussels to impose his standards on us? Get lost, say I. If we want 10- kg pastizzi with crimped edges, we'll have them. So there!

I truly believe that all this national assertiveness is not before time. Instead of being on the fringes of the EU, hanging on to its coat-tails as it were, we should be at the heart of the Union, calling the shots.

As my dear old Gozitan nanna used to say: "They tell me there's a whole new world beyond the borders of Sannat, but I don't want to know about it." She truly believed that her village was the fulcrum of the world and all this talk of super powers and military blocs ignored the fact that Sannat was all that mattered and, as long as life jogged quietly along around her, the hell with the rest of the world. Nanna would be proud today.

The momentum is very much with us. So I believe we should take advantage of our so recently acquired Euro dominance. It is generally accepted that we can boast one of the best-trained and most belligerent armies in the Med, so let's prove it. While our national ego is riding high, I believe we should send a gunboat to Lampedusa Pantellaria and (why not?) Sicily and claim them all in the name of the Republic of Malta and its dependencies. Who's going to stop us? Don't say Italy: check out their 'brave' armies' 'triumphs' in World War II. If they gave out medals for making themselves scarce in the heat of battle, they'd all have chests full.

In the past, we in Malta have been masters of self-denigration. Oh if it's Maltese, then by force it's rubbish, etc... Now our politicians have broken the mould. We may not yet be a European super-power but we're getting there.