Domestic violence and shattered lives

Following the two articles which appeared in Weekender (August 23 and 30) dealing with domestic violence, I felt it my duty as a Maltese citizen to express my opinion on the issue since all women, children and men have the right to live their lives in a healthy and safe environment and to conduct their lives without emotional, physical or sexual abuse or the fear of abuse. The monstrosity of domestic violence is denying such rights to innocent and helpless persons.

While data on the incidence and prevalence of domestic violence is not comprehensive in scope, the available figures provide compelling evidence that Malta may be experiencing a growing substantial social problem. As a result of a significant analysis, domestic violence is no longer considered a private matter. It is a critical national problem that affects us all - in every community, in every workplace and in every school.

I had read with interest Sandy Calleja's Shattered Peace. However, I found it very difficult to understand her statement which implied that perpetrators of domestic violence should not be considered as "evil men, they are simply incapable of dealing with their partner on an equal footing".

So, can Ms Calleja please explain under which category would she place a man who frequently beats his wife/partner, leaving devastating physical and emotional consequences on his partner, children and families? The women who become victims of domestic violence are made to feel worthless, isolated, controlled and abused, which cause suffering that leaves the deepest scars for the rest of their lives. How should society describe the person who causes such incurable mental wounds on his partner?

It is a relief that now we have the domestic violence law and the commission. But society needs to know how many alleged perpetrators have been. How many were found guilty or innocent? How many were sent to prison, fined or both? Such information should be made public because nothing sends a clearer message to a wife-beater.

Even members of the clergy need to become involved and help women in these traumatic situations. Priests who tell the battered wives to go home and make it work, as was done in the past, are not doing their duty. Do not these priests realise that sending a woman back to a battering husband often places her life at risk?

It has come to my attention that the Cana Movement is updating the pre-marriage course.

It is recommended that a session on domestic violence is included in this course. It would be the first step to raise awareness to the bride-to-be who may already be experiencing signals that her future husband may be a potential perpetrator of domestic violence.

I have nothing but praise for the various crisis services and sheltered homes that have developed over the years to give assistance to the victims of domestic violence. At least those women and children who have the courage to leave their matrimonial residence can find solace in these shelters.

However, why should it be the battered wife and the terrified children who have to leave their residence to escape from their aggressor? In the name of justice I believe it should be the perpetrator who should be forced to leave the matrimonial home and given accommodation in a "shelter for perpetrators of domestic violence".

I am rather sceptical about the "perpetrators service". The mission statement provided by Aġenzija Appoġġ related to the treatment of abusive men is too good to be true.

The question is: Do these services yield results? Is the perpetrator truly cured after 22 weeks to the extent that he can continue living in harmony with his family? No relapses?

Of late, we have seen in the media interesting reading regarding the introduction of a register of child sex offenders. In my opinion, our society should also have at its disposal a register of perpetrators of domestic violence. Such a register would be a means to prevent potential violent relationships in which innocent women are the victims of aggressive and abusive partners.

My contention on domestic violence is not attributed only to female victims but obviously to male victims too. Men who are victims of domestic violence may not suffer physical pain but their mental, emotional and psychological abuse is equal to that of the female victims. In this connection, therefore, why does Appoġġ not offer the perpetrators services to women too?

The competent authorities should work on a strategy to raise national awareness to reach out to those women who, through fear and control imposed on them by their aggressor, are unable to come out in the open and seek help. The authorities should focus on these poor victims and encourage them to escape their aggressor and start a new life free from their domestic terror.