Are we missing the woods?

Very often a politician is expected to take a stand on a number of subjects: divorce, abortion, gay marriages, illegal immigration... These are just a few of the topics that have been discussed endlessly on television, radio, newspapers and blogs. While I do understand that, at some point, one has to take a position on important issues, particularly where, ultimately, decisions have to be made, I believe that, very often, we rush through the process of decision-taking for fear of looking indecisive and, possibly, weak. This "urgency" very often leads to half-baked decisions on subjects that require so much thought, so much analysis.

Let's take divorce. Once in a while this subject comes up for discussion. To be honest, I was expecting this subject to come up again. I don't know why but I had this feeling. Maybe the time is ripe for a discussion on this subject. However, I fear that, once again, we started on the wrong foot. Kite-flying is not the proper way of doing things. If we want to do it the right way let us first analyse the state of the Maltese family today. Come up with a relevant family policy. If we really believe that there are social benefits attached to committed, exclusive heterosexual unions through which future citizens are raised, then we really aught to do something tangible to salvage a situation which is slowly deteriorating. The government, the opposition, the Church, NGOs and interested citizens should come together and discuss how we can put the brakes on a-free-for-all situation. I am not aware that we have ever done that.

Let's be honest: Can we say that, as a state, as a society we have made enough efforts to try to support couples who decide to marry, raise a family while facing challenges which sometimes bring them to a breaking point? Who is following what is happening to young couples who decide to take the plunge? Those who take their vows in a Church have to follow an eight-week preparatory course organised by Cana while the rest have to make do with what they think marriage is all about. And shouldn't the state feel obliged to give a helping hand in marriage-preparation courses? The irony is that, today, you are obliged to take courses to obtain a driving licence, a boat licence, a security licence. You also need a five-year University course to teach children and to take care of them in day care centres but nobody obliges you to prepare yourself before committing yourself to marriage which entails the raising of children, the future citizens of our country.

In the absence of real help and of proper support, young married couples find themselves experimenting in crucial phases of their lives, sometimes with disastrous results. Some couples end up taking loans which they can barely afford in order to buy a house that might not even suit their needs. Who advises these couples in such a decision-taking process that would have a life-long effect on them?

It is statistically proven that one of the most difficult periods in a married couple's life is that following the birth of the first child. How many couples are aware of this fact? Which state entity gives support to these couples at this crucial phase in their married lives? How much money are we investing in such support? The same applies to other phases in a person's life.

Mid-life crisis very often destabilises even the most stabilised person. Who is making married couples aware what to expect at different phases of their lives? Who is studying the effect of technology on our relationships? Is MSNing and SMSing helping preserve marriages that may already be shaken by tensions and pressures of everyday life? Who has taken the initiative to conduct a nationwide campaign on the proper use of modern technology and the risks that go with it?

Which state entity is monitoring what is happening in other countries where, for example, a divorce law was introduced? Are societies in countries where a divorce law been introduced better off today than before it was introduced? How were children affected? Do children gain more stability in life if their separated parents re-marry? According to existing statistics are second marriages less prone to breakdown? Have we ever analysed our mediation system? Is it working? Do we need to invest more money in it to make it work?

Statistics indicate that a quarter of all children born in Malta in a single year are born out of wedlock. Who is following what is happening to these mothers once the baby is born. Do the parents of these children marry so that they would be able to raise their children within a family? Are they co-habiting? Are these mothers remaining single? What is happening to these children? Are they getting the right upbringing? Are their mothers/parents given the right support to help them raise their children in a normal environment? Has anyone ever done a tracer study of these mothers/parents/children? Do we know why the incidence of out-of-wedlock births is increasing?

Last June, I tabled a parliamentary question requesting the number of divorce cases granted to Maltese citizens in EU courts and recognised by the Maltese government since we joined the EU. I was informed that these already amount to 115. I am sure that this development will increase the pressure on the authorities to "rectify" the situation locally. Admittedly, there are a number of failed marriages which may also be beyond repair.

This will only help to increase the pressures on society to emulate other countries in introducing a divorce law without first having done our "homework" well.

We will be foolish to miss the woods for the trees. If we really believe that healthy families are the pillars of our society let us do what we can to strengthen those pillars. If we put the cart before the horse in this respect just for the sake of scoring political points or simply because we consider ourselves backwards for not having introduced a divorce law as yet, we would be permanently damaging our society.

Mr Bonnici is a Nationalist member of Parliament.

charlo.bonnici@gov.mt