Those ace experts

There was I, thinking that becoming an architect was difficult. If I'd known it was this easy, I'd have chosen that line however many decades ago it was, instead of the profession for which I eventually opted.

At this point, the many ACEs (Maltese architects are Architects and Civil Engineers, hence they're aces) of my acquaintance are drawing themselves up to their full, and impressive, height and making loud noises about how the words "perit" (which, incidentally, also means expert: ACE experts, for heaven's sake) and "Beck" shall never be linked except in jest.

OK, fine, it is with my tongue slightly where it generally is that I am making the suggestion that designing buildings and getting them built is a task that lies on the easy-peasy end of the scale of difficult or not-so-difficult things to do. I am prompted to this conclusion, facetious as it is, by the alacrity with which everyone and his brother and her sister jumps into print (virtual or otherwise) to lay down the law about how this edifice should be constructed or how that construction should be erected or whatever.

I'm not, since getting beaten up in public for daring to express a reasonable opinion that people should wait and give consideration to the facts rather than assuming what the facts are is getting boring, talking about the controversy stirred up about the idea that the enormous stream of visitors to St John's should be accommodated somehow. On that particular bone of contention much warm gas has been expended and I'd rather let the facts, when they eventually come out, speak for themselves.

Who knows, I might even be able to form an opinion on the proposal myself at that point.

No, what I'm on about this time is the kicking Heritage Malta are getting for - heaven forfend - actually starting work on a project that has been getting ventilation and exposure, according to them, for nigh on quite a few years.

Suddenly, because ground had been broken and rude mechanicals are doing what rude mechanicals do, the world seems to have stopped rotating on its axis and oars are being stuck in and bandwagons jumped on with such vim and vigour that you'd think an election was just round the corner.

Lest I be accused of all manner of heinous crimes, let me just make it known that I have, on very rare occasion, given some help to Heritage Malta on matters entirely unconnected with the Ħaġar Qim Visitor Centre Project (for it is in connection with this that the sky has fallen and Chicken Licken is rushing around headlessly). So unconnected am I from the project that I had no idea that there even was one.

But how come, as the folk at Heritage are saying, if the plans for this building have been germinating and evolving for years, have all these ruddy objections started now? Where were all the conscientious objectors when the plans were being discussed and when the project was gaining traction (isn't that a lovely Yankee phrase?). Is their vociferousness now nothing more than their assuaging their guilt at having been remiss in doing their job? Were they asleep at the wheel, as it were?

While on the subject of being asleep at the wheel, was the bloke manning quality control for the veggies being dispatched to Mater Dei Hospital having a snooze or something? Where does he or she get off, being so negligent and falling down so badly on the job? It's disgraceful, that's what it is, and the powers-that-are were perfectly right to cancel the contract and come down on everyone within coming-down-on distance like a ton of bricks.

In fact, the minister should resign, the hospital's management should commit collegial seppuku and the vegetable importer's haulier's second-on-call driver should be taken out and shot like a dog.

How dare they only serve up half a mouse's head, when EEC/5742956/DGHE/b clearly says that when heads of mice are being served, whole heads, with eyes intact and whiskers as a garnish if not attached, shall be made available? This is something with which the European Commission should concern itself and pronto, forgetting about this weird idea, for instance, that it's high time that the EU took some responsibility for the waves of immigrants heading north.

Seriously, it borders on the unacceptable that the nurse in question, probably at the end of a long hard day (and I mean that, the hours these people and their doctor colleagues - the squeaky clean fresh ones, I mean, not the consultants - work are insane) had to find a mangled mouse head in her plate. I'm happy to say, though, that the comments on the electro-The Times when the news broke were not all of the usual "shock horror, only in Malta.com" timbre.

There was even some humour in there, along with an acceptance of the fact that these things sometimes happen, even in the best families.

Well, there you have it: another column to go along with my blog last week in which only fleeting references to politics were made. It being summer an'all, the dear old Onorevlijiet are taking their ease and sparing us the discomfort of adding further hot air to the already over-heated atmosphere. Nice of them.

For all that the change is a nice one, I trust that they'll be back at the grindstone, putting their size nines into their cake-holes, very soon. After all, there's those nice juicy MEP elections coming up, in the context of which there'll no doubt be plenty for me to get my teeth into.

imbocca@gmail.com, www.timesofmalta.com/blogs