One of the things that stood out clearly in the last general elections was that both major political parties promised the electorate that they all stood for defending the family. It was a promise which was very welcome for the Maltese population at large.
Even within the discussion for or against divorce, contributions to the media on the subject begin with the proviso that all are in favour of strengthening the family.
However, a real discussion on how to strengthen the family, and the State's possibilities of intervention in this regard, have been lacking. If this discussion does not also focus on practical issues, I am afraid that all these words will remain no more than wishful thinking and will render no more than lip-service to the family. It will also remain lip-service if no definite and proactive plan is decided upon and actuated.
In the past, both the parties in government and opposition have made suggestions with regard to the family, and these were, and are, most welcome. These centred mostly on financial matters and family-friendly policies.
However, no clear positions have been taken to strengthen the moral fibre of the people who enter into a stable relationship in marriage. Maybe our social policy can be innovative in this, maybe even being a pace-setter for other countries.
I would like to contribute to this discussion with some ideas and suggestions.
The first step is to have a clear idea and firm will to have strong and stable families. We also have to be clear about the fact that this cannot come about in any other way than through a stable marriage. To achieve this we need to invest in the education of our children and youngsters, especially helping them to understand and live values and skills needed to achieve stability in marriage. These are different from any other interpersonal relationship.
Education towards stability in marriage goes further. It requires understanding the seriousness of a lifelong commitment, of converting conflicts into love, rather than backing away. Is this being covered in our lessons, both on the social and on the religious levels?
A serious education is also needed to help young people convert their experience of family life to present-day circumstances: based on mutual respect rather than on a cosiness which rests only on the knowledge that your spouse will not leave you whatever your actions; and on the fact that when both spouses go out to work, household chores have to be divided, whatever the upbringing given in the context of a working husband-housewife marital set-up.
The second thing is that sexual education has to be connected to love if we believe in stable relationships. The messages launched by some departments are to have 'safe' sex. But do these messages help to integrate one's sexual instincts to be directed towards a future of stability in marriage?
Two considerations on this issue: is it possible that when we approve of casual sex, we are telling young people not to be involved on a personal level, because it will hurt so much when the partner leaves so easily? Is it possible for a young man to look at a woman as a possible life-companion when pornography has made him look at a person of the opposite sex as an object of lust and, perhaps worse, when girls are accepting this role?
The third is that in our society, young people are continuously being bombarded with images and messages. This may mean that most of our youngsters do not get the chance, and perhaps do not even have the ability, to reflect on and choose among these messages.
Is it right to tell young people to enter into a stable relationship when all the messages lead them elsewhere? Is it just to leave them on their own, to find the strength from their own moral fibre, without providing them with other messages which will help them to take other decisions? Could the State, if it believes in stable marriages, help convey messages in this respect through the media?
I remember years ago in England, seeing on TV victims of accidents talking about their experience and campaigning for safe driving. Could we have an innovative campaign whereby people, spouses or children who have passed through marriage breakdowns, speak about their suffering, thereby perhaps helping others understand better the consequences of their actions? Perhaps we could hear a woman talking about the consequences of her husband's unfaithfulness and their separation destroying her dream; or a young child, the victim of a marriage breakdown asking: "Doesn't anybody speak about my rights?" This would help some to find a deeper motive in love to overcome some difficult situations in married life.