The 21st century malaise

My stand on the question of divorce had always been quite liberal, except where children were part of the equation. I contend that children never had a say in being born and as such, whatever the parents' problems, they are owed parenthood.

On embarking on this topic of divorce, I was urged by a correspondent who reacted to some such statement to "wake up to the 21st century". I took this advice and looked up the studies carried out in countries which have had divorce in their legal system for years. Besides being a piece of good advice, I thought that a country's social policy is better guided by good social science based on objective criteria, than by biased opinions and prejudices of the uninformed. I looked up studies carried out by eminent social scientists on the effects on society, the children and the parents themselves of cohabitation, traditional marriage and divorce. The bottom line of all these studies is, and I quote, that "Traditional marriage is an important social good, associated with an impressively broad array of positive outcomes for both children and adults. Families based on such marriage are healthier, wealthier and more stable."

Among the findings were that the members of such families enjoyed better physical health, had lower rates of psychological distress, and less mental illness. Children of such families were less prone to delinquency and criminal behaviour, and were less likely to be perpetrators or victims of crime. An intact marriage increases the chances of children having healthy, lasting and meaningful marriages themselves.

Divorce has a significant long-term negative impact on the children's educational achievements. Eventual earnings and levels of employment are low, rates of unemployment are increased as are economic hardships, while attendance and graduation from university are less likely. Children of re-married parents have outcomes more similar to children of lone or cohabitating parents than to children of married parents with the expected effects on emotions, well-being and mental and physical health.

Contrary to the perception given by a minority of cases, there is growing evidence that negative effects on parent-child relationships are less when remaining in an unhappy marriage than when divorce is resorted to. Alcoholism, drug abuse, suicide, child abuse... all are more likely following divorce.

I am now fully awake to the 21st century. I now appreciate why parental skills are declining from generation to generation. I now see where the bad behaviour in schools, the disruption of classes, the challenge to authority is coming from. The death of the traditional family is fuelling the breakdown in mostly everything. It is at the root of most of the evils plaguing modern society. Conjugal relationships are getting shorter, step-families are being created at the turn of every corner, commercial pressures are forcing the necessity of both parents going out to work. Full time parenting is losing its value and worth. Childbearing by unmarried, cohabiting or separated parents is contributing to a sharp decline in the number of children living with their own two married parents.

So, faced with all this, should we retain the status quo with all that is happening in Maltese society? Seems divorce is no solution. Should we just increase the dose of preparation for marriage of our young couples so as to increase the chances of a healthy union, and turn a blind eye when these measures fail? Should we ignore the many couples whose union is irreconcilable? Definitely not. This debate, if nothing else, has raised awareness of the great sufferings of those couples whose union is irreconcilable but have nowhere to turn to on this side of legality. This debate has shown the great shortcomings of our institutions when it comes to assisting these people. As the bishops have rightly said the church has been on the forefront when it came to helping couples encountering difficulties. But these are couples who are not just encountering difficulties, these are at a point of no return!

Before going any further in our search for a solution, some points should be clear. It is in the interest of all and sundry that such a solution be found. This problem is not solely the domain of the specific persons involved, parents and children. It is in the interest of every member of the community, every taxpayer, that the sequelae above mentioned do not hit the society we live in − crime effects our lifestyles, disease our pockets, apart from other less mundane considerations. Whether our country is a secular or a religious state has nothing whatsoever to do with the issue. In the first instance and for citizens in general this is a socioeconomic exercise. Of course all institutions have a right, nay the duty, to present their opinions, however these should be shorn of emotions and rhetoric to the extent that is humanely possible.

Having hopefully agreed on this, I feel we must drop the talk about divorce being a right. Divorce is a right as much as suicide is a right − the former the right of freedom from love, the latter, the right of freedom from life!

Which is the way forward? The way forward is a healthy family, that wholesome intact unit that lies at the basis of socioeconomic success. The way forward is a healthy family without ignoring the realities of the 21st century. It does not pay us to revolt against the family. The family is our country's saving grace. And we show respect to the family by first honouring marriage. Our strategy should be to pick up the pieces that poisonous modern philosophies have injected in our society and help in whatever way possible the problematic situations we have landed ourselves with today. All the while we have to go back to basics, the basics that matter. It would not hurt if we were to return to the good old fashioned structure where the family is above all else − above our work ambitions, above commercial pressures, above long working hours, above our two bathrooms, above our boat... Rather to look for cause and cure it, than destruct.

Divorce as we know it in other countries is not the solution for us. As G.K. Chesterton had intimated with reference to suicide and divorce, "Just as we should not accept a system that drives men to drown or shoot themselves, we should not accept a system that produces so many divorces".

The solution lies in strengthening the family structure and expediting the assistance to genuinely irreconcilable couples. If some form of divorce legislation is enacted, we have to see it for what it is − a failure with a supplementary re-sit! Definitely we should not have frivolous divorce because this will give rise to frivolous marriage and defeat the scope of our initial goal.