Spare us <i>l-Istrina</i>

The call for tenders for the organisation of this year's charity TV show L-Istrina closed last week. I am not holding my breath but I hope that whoever gets the tender will ditch the format imposed on us year in year out.

The marathon fundraising show broadcast live on TV every Boxing Day aims to get people to shell out a few quid for charities in need. Half of the proceeds go to the Community Chest Fund, while the other half go to non-governmental organisations. Which of course on paper is a great idea but on screen turns out to be a dumbing-down charade, that gets worse every year.

It is a vulgar show, an insult to the intelligence of the viewers and to the charities which will benefit from the money collected. It is an insult for me to have the presenter egging me on to donate money on the premise that if I do so, I get to win the latest Playstation.

It is cringingly mortifying for me to have to listen to people phoning in supposedly to donate money and then complain - live on TV - that they didn't like the gift they won or asking if they could change it. But I simply refuse to accept the fact that this is reflecting a superfluous, vain, ignorant society. It can't be. We are better than this. It is the show which is pressing the wrong buttons.

Let's take a look at the low level of entertainment we are provided with the likes of Hooligan, Enzo Guzman and William Mangion dressed up as Chiara, Claudette Pace and Ira Losco interpreting their Eurovision song. Are the organisers convinced year in year out that if they throw a bit of men dressed up as women doing high-pitched voices, pounds will start flowing in?

The spots with good intention get totally lost in sea of free giveaway trolleys. Take the poor guy cycling at the back of the studio during last year's edition. He went on for how many hours? Was it 10, 12? It was quite a challenge. But he was totally ignored.

I felt like going there, tapping him on the shoulder and telling him that nobody gave a toss about his paddling and there was really no need for him to stretch himself to the limits. Did the presenters challenge the viewers to donate more money in order to get him to cycle for more hours? No.

All the presenters were interested in doing was giving out those blessed free gifts; barking continuously "Ċemplu, Ċemplu, Ċemplu"; trying to tap into the feel-guilty-that-you're-healthy emotion with the tearjerker clips; and at one point even axing the entertainment stints so that all the airtime was dedicated to this phone-in-and-get-a-gift. It was the most boring show on earth.

You know what makes people donate willingly? Using the power of entertainment to make a positive change. Shows like L-Istrina are organised annually or bi-annualy the world over. They all use comedy and laughter to raise money and change lives - and everyone has great fun at the same time. L-Istrina should not be a 'pity day' but a 'let's all roll up our sleeves but have fun while we're at it' kind of day. The feel-good factor makes people give more than one based on guilt and lotteries.

True we cannot rope in the likes of Hugh Grant, Rowan Atkinson and David Beckham but guess what? There is no need. Chuck out those trolleys and shopping bags. Get Ray Calleja to present the event. Get the Zoo troupe to make spoofs of local events. And then carry out some of these challenges.

Get Lou Bondi to take a vow of silence. Every euro received, is another minute of silence. Sponsorship money is bound to shoot up to a whopping amount just to see him with his lips sealed.

They should encourage viewers to hit a certain target amount, by promising them that once it's reached they get to see Tony Zarb covered in baked beans.

How about getting the MPs all together, settle them on a couch and remove their body hair in public by getting the audience to sponsor each one?

They could even fly in Enrique Iglesias. He's an honorary citizen of Valletta and so should be doing his bit for free, right? Get people to sponsor a girl to kiss him and probably that Maltese girl who always ends up French kissing him at the Isle of MTV will fork out a record sum to do it again.

And what about the Prime Minister? Tony Blair took part in a spoof clip for Red Nose Day. Surely our Lawrence Gonzi can do something more than a pretty speech ending with Kif tista' ma ċċempilx. How about getting viewers to sponsor a make over?

I am writing this now at the risk of sounding totally out of season. Till Christmas we can all come up with more ideas. E-mail them on the address below. I will pass them on to whoever gets the tender.

krischetcuti@gmail.com