Batch files

"Call me Joseph," he said, with the self-deprecating smile honed to different degrees of perfection.

And so the thorns in the side at Medialink promptly decided that they would do anything but that - and far they are sticking to "Joe Muscat".

George Carlin, bless his deft sense of humour, explains the attitude of many of us in the media and in politics today, far better than I ever could: "I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately."

The ping-pong game between Mario Axiak, head of research and communications, of the Broadcasting Authority, and Albert Debono, chief executive officer of Public Broadcasting Services Ltd, continues.

Debono had passed the buck neatly - or so he had thought - by putting the onus of fines received by PBS squarely onto the shoulders of production houses that had not adhered to the "rules".

At this point, I had visions of someone at the BA holding a stopwatch to time the adverts shown on PBS (and other stations?) to the millisecond, hoping that breaches of the rules would in fact occur, and consequently shouting Bingo!

I also assumed that Debono would "do something" (i.e. 'give a warning'; a very fashionable term these days) to said production houses, to the effect that contraventions would be dealt with in no uncertain manner.

But Axiak bristled. Not only, he said, were there the aforementioned commercially-centred violations... there was also a handful of infringements of broadcasting legislation related to political balance; political advertising; the breach of a BA directive on the approval of topics for current affairs programmes; the code for the protection of minors; good taste and offence to religious sentiment (about which more later); the incorrect use of Maltese language; the advertising of gambling advertising before established watershed; breaking the rules concerning captions and crawlers, competitions and prizes.

It was more a reading of the riot act than merely the throwing of a book.

Whereas, one notes, that statistics usually pepper audience surveys, nary a digit was visible in the aforementioned exchange. So we have been left in the dark about how often each type of infraction occurred.

An e-mail address is appended to this column to facilitate communication between readers and myself. However, I was informed that Family TV was on a trial run, through other means.

What I said last week appears to have left its mark; and the dinkum schedule for this channel was enacted, probably sooner than it had been envisaged. It now includes a cook who chops up the language as well as ingredients, and various programmes that do not involve Gawdenz Bilocca thinking that the Kappillan sprawled on the pavement is a dog.

On a different occasion, I had discussed the aforementioned character with his alter ego, Fabian Xerri de Caro.

Robin Williams recounts how, when he was researching his role for the 1990 film Awakenings, one of the catatonic patients had woken up for a split second and recognised him from Mork and Mindy.

Xerri de Caro had mentioned a similar instance, where someone recognised Gawdenz despite, well, setbacks. However, I would say that the memoirs of maverick doctor Oliver Sacks (Dr Malcolm Sayer in the film), is in a different galaxy from those of the streetwise village lawyer.

Frankly, if I had been one of the producers whose work was used as a stopgap, and will henceforth be used sparingly, I would have taken it rather badly.

In any case, "trial transmissions" are neither a reason, nor an excuse, to air rubbish; if this reasoning holds, then one might as well air non-stop cartoons or pornography, pledging to switch to proper (in all senses) programming later.

Apparently, however, I was the only one who complained, because people lap up comedies to the extent of actually purchasing them on DVD for omnibus sessions with family and friends.

So much then, for Heinz pulling its (UK) mayonnaise advert because "people complained" about the fact that a man in a delicatessen man's garb was addressed as "Mum" before exchanging a kiss with another man in a home environment.

• I am pleased to note that both Frederick Zammit and Deo Grech have been included in what will be known as the Eurosong Advisory Team, under the aegis of PBS. The other two members are Isabelle Gatt and Martin Gauci.

The team will kick off by compiling rules and regulations for the Junior Eurosong 2008. One hopes the lists will be realistic, and not include expectations that the kids will write their own lyrics and music... and this has nothing to do with my wanting Malta to fare well, either.

All four have excellent credentials, but as used to be the case with the Maltasong Board, they will only be able to cut their coat according to their cloth.

One hopes that this selection will remove, once and for all, the petty rivalries between the two political stations - which used to get quite tiresome at times. Besides, according to the letter-circular, "the new structure facilitates co-operation with the other national broadcasters, members of the European Broadcasting Union". At the very least, they will not have to "choose" between Zammit and Grech when it comes to giving scoops and interviews.

Meanwhile the question of the week must be: since when has 'attitude' necessitated necking, on a table, on a deserted sandy beach?

television@timesofmalta.com