Being assertive

Some days ago I was reading a curious story on a foreign lifestyle magazine. Famous pop-star singer Madonna declares that bullies in her life made her successful!

The American singer and eventually also an actress, admitted that during her days as a high school kid in the 1970s, she was considered strange and didn't fit in. She confesses that she was one of those people that other people were mean to and ended up being a "weirdo". When that happened Madonna, instead of being a doormat, decided to emphasise her differences so she was tortured and bullied even more. Madonna was capable of fighting bullying in her own way and eventually turned out to be a successful entertainer.

Bullying is an important issue for school officials, students and parents, not only in Malta but around the world because it is so prevalent. The government and all relevant authorities should do their utmost to fight this problem. As a matter of fact, at times this issue isn't given enough importance and I tend to ask myself if we are doing enough to address this dilemma which is clearly affecting a lot of children.

Children need to be taught to defend themselves from bullying and to avoid fights, perhaps through role-playing situations in the classroom. Madonna was bullied during her childhood yet bullies made her determined to succeed. Hence we should teach our children that one can grow stronger if he/she is determined to fight bullying.

In order for our children to resist bullying, we have to give them a helping hand. In the United Kingdom, schools are given a free fact sheet to help reduce bullying and anti-social behaviour in school toilets and washrooms. According to a survey issued by the UK Youth Parliament, 40 per cent of pupils feared the behaviour of other students in school toilets.

This initiative was launched to coincide with the 2008 National Union of Teachers' conference at Manchester's International Convention Centre, which took place over Easter.

In recent years, Wallgate, the company sponsoring the fact sheet, has worked with many schools, colleges and local education authorities with the installation of highly durable anti-vandal school toilets.

Among the top tips in this fact sheet are: School toilets should be arranged in small blocks and not in one large central unit. Toilets should not be put in at the end of dead-end corridors, but opposite classrooms and staff rooms to improve the way they are supervised. Visibility in toilets should be improved through the use of blurred glass cubicles. Hand-washing areas should be unisex and more visible from passing staff and prefects. When planning toilets, staff and pupils should be involved as much as possible.

American university students share lunch twice a week with elementary students as part of a "lunch buddies" mentoring programme to help prevent bullying.

The aim is to help students build self-confidence and verbal skills through mentors and children benefit a lot from this type of exercise.

Often we think that bullying takes place only in schools but surprisingly bullying at the workplace is becoming more common. According to the research firm Zogby International, 37 per cent of American workers said they had experienced bullying on the job. Unlike the playground or school bully, who often resort to physical threats, the workplace bully sets out on a course of constant but subtle harassment. It may start with a disparaging comment at a staff meeting. The tactics of the workplace bully may be an eye roll, a glare or a dismissive snort.

Robert I. Sutton, a management professor and co-director of the Centre for Work, Technology and Organisation at Stanford wrote an interesting and best-selling book in which he argues that workplace bullies are bad for business because they lead to absenteeism and staff turnover.

Countries around the world, including Malta, should consider adopting harsher anti-bullying measures. Business groups often argue that existing laws are adequate to protect workers. But bullying generally does not involve race, age or sex, which have protected status in the courts. Instead, most workplace hostility occurs just because someone doesn't like someone else.

In reality, some victims become physically ill from the stress, with depression, anxiety and even symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. Other surveys also suggest that victims of office bullies call in sick more often, although it's not always clear whether they really are sick or just avoiding the abusive environment at work.

Randy Edwards is owner of Impact Martial Arts in Fayetteville (US) and teaches students beginning as young as four years old to be assertive when confronting bullies. In order to teach kids to keep away from bullies he uses an acronym with the word AVOID: Awareness - students need to be aware of their surroundings and avoid obvious dangers; Verbal - communication skills are critical because most conflict can be avoided at this stage; Options - sometimes the best thing to do is flee the scene; Inform a higher authority - if you cannot handle the situation yourself, tell someone; Defend yourself to a reasonable degree - students should not try to cause serious or unnecessary harm.

Edwards's acronym is extremely interesting and can surely help our children to be more assertive. Parents should also teach children to learn to resolve conflicts with friends and siblings in a non-violent way. It is important for kids to resolve conflict on their own without violence, and this would help them develop their characters.