If I had to pick a word or a phrase that best describes my relationship with politics it would have to be 'agnostic'. In so far as agnostic means doubtful, non committal or sceptical about something, yes, I think I can safely say that I am 'politically agnostic'.
It started when I was pretty young. I was not born into a household where politics ever took centre stage, or if it did, it did so in a language I wasn't all too familiar with at the time. But when I started paying attention and taking notice of political names and nomenclature, I vividly remember being overcome with a sense of profound confusion.
There were two John Dallis - the one from Marsascala who was a regular at the Hunter's Tower in the 1970s and 1980s and who had distinctly Labour leanings; the other Dalli, from Qormi, was a staunch Nationalist. The latter for some reason always reminded me of another member or ex-Member of Parliament, Lino Spiteri. Not in the looks department, but there was something about the hair ... the way they parted it, the colour, thickness ... the hair type. And then there were other common denominators - they are both finance gurus and both hail from Qormi.
And if that wasn't enough, there was also another (Carm) Lino Spiteri, just to compound the confusion and add yet another twist in the tale. And lest we forget ... the Mifsud Bonnicis ... the one with a C versus the one with a K. Finally there were the Michael Falzons on both sides of the fence. The list was endless. So I guess early on in life, I came to the conclusion that when it came to politics in Malta, there were too many overlaps. Things were just a little bit too incestuous for my liking.
Fast forward 25 years and the overlaps prevail. I was out to dinner a few weeks ago. The billboards came up. I have to say, they have been the best part of this electoral campaign and have made my daily ride home from Valletta to Sliema a little more bearable. At least, if nothing else, when stuck in an endless sea of traffic in Msida, courtesy of yet another Rue D'Argens diversion, I can cast my gaze on the ever-changing billboards and dream up some new ones of my own.
I think my favourites so far have been Alternattiva's, just because they were clever enough to match the billboards with their political ideal. So when they accuse Labour and Nationalist governments of being very 'usa e getta' (disposable) governments that 'use and dispose of you', the message implicit in their slogan is that they, on the other hand, would recycle and not throw you away; in keeping with their environment friendly style. Or maybe I am getting carried away here and reading way too much into these billboards!
But back to the dinner. The funny thing is that when we got round to discussing the billboards and the slogans, at a point it became clear that there was some confusion in people's minds as to which slogans pertained to the Nationalist Party and which pertained to the Labour Party. While I was getting all het up about how the 'Par Idejn Sodi' billboard was obviously a Labour billboard and a skit on Gonzi's failed ATM transaction on New Year's Day, the rest of the dinner party seemed to think it was a Nationalist billboard - a self-congratulatory message that Malta was best left in their safe and very strong capable hands.
They obviously hadn't got a close enough look at the very errant exclamation mark and the way all the Nationalist Party leaders seemed to be falling over one another. But having said that, there were other times when I really had to do a double take and where I was suitably perplexed by the messages I read. In the absence of the obvious 'Gonzi PN' or 'Agħzel Labour' accompanied with the girl in 'arabesque', some of the billboards really do keep you guessing and are as cryptic as the UK Sunday Times crossword puzzle.
And the big question now is who will win the next election. That was the subject of our last dinner party. That seems to be the only conversation you'll be likely to have in the upcoming week. Apart from the one where you're taken aside and told, in that very conspiratorial and mildly condescending tone, that a vote for AD is a wasted vote and ultimately a vote for Labour.
It's just typical of Malta though. The hubris and audacity with which people take you aside and ask you who you'll be voting for and the urgent need they feel to shove their politics down your throat and assume that the only people that would vote AD are those who are tired of the Nationalist Party.
The assumption is that Alternattiva just doesn't attract its own independent thinkers, people who genuinely feel that having a third party in the equation would be the best thing that could happen to Malta.
It would also do both parties the biggest favour. Finally, they would be able to introduce all the things that they've been dying to introduce for years, but never had the gumption to... and blame it on Harry and his merry men. Like divorce for instance, which is as long overdue as the facial I so desperately need and have long been postponing. But that is another story.
michelaspiteri@gmail.com