Solitaire

A solitaire is usually a lonely gem in a ring. It could also be a person who pushes his friends aside and declares he is the party and the party is him. History proves that this is very dangerous thinking. This is what happened in the unfortunate concoction of the word gonzipn. It is meant to give the message that "we know that most Nats are not too happy with ministerial performance but at least the leader is great and has two strong hands on the ruddy rudder".

To what extent is this forced psycholinguistic perversion a success? Very little, I'm afraid. People vote for parties not for leaders. This is not a presidential election (except for the Sarkozian billboards). People may be interested in the coach but most of all they wish to have a team whose collective individual qualities they admire. Joking apart about gonzipn being an abbreviation of gonzipain, this limp creation by the gaffing strategy group is pathetic. The gimmick is as follows: merge Gonzi and PN. Then people will say: Gonzi is a smiling person; he is the PN leader; ergo the PN is a smiling party. How ridiculous! It's like saying "Roses are red, violets are blue and we shall win the election"!

For his children

A very mild Nat (from the PN edge where they eat PN leftovers) was reading the paper and saw a letter by a well-known Nat (one of those eating with 10 mouths in the inner circle) stating that he was voting PN "for my children". The light blue Nat retorted: "I never had a doubt".

Gonzi and Mepa

If Pngonzi is re-elected, he will take over the Mepa administration. There must be a reason for that. Ask Carmel Cacopardo.

Hug me please

I saw gonzipn hug John Dalli. It was very moving and convincing.

Black on white

Among Alfred Sant's declared intentions, one is that if you have the least smell of corruption he will dump you before you know it. The other is that in his Cabinet nobody will be allowed to earn money from another profession or former business. Dr Sant's ministers will be clean and full time. They obviously have to be close to the people who have seen cold ministers long enough.

Cat on the shoulders

To great applause and impolite screams from disciples, Dr Gonzi stated that, while composing his budget, his cat was on his shoulder. This is a new way of doing budgets. Of course, if the budget fails to impress, it's the cat's fault.

Terinata

The Maltese version of Cordon Bleu describes a Terinata as follows: Corrupt salad; Omelette Aux Champignons Forêt Noire (made by beating old eggs); Vin Rouge Transylvanie 2015; Dessert - Tiramigiù.

Will it be free?

Many have strong doubts if the medical service will be free if the PN is re-elected. There are government assurances, of course, but these were also there when the promise of no new taxes was followed by a VAT increase from 15 per cent to 18 per cent and soon to 25 per cent if the same party is elected.

Phoney concessions

The dying hours of this sad Administration are characterised by clumsily created, sporadic plans to compensate for the unexpected indifference people showed for the dull, pre-electoral budget. Plan B was a sprinkling of little promises and sundry presents meant to shore up and steady the tottering budget enthusiasm and government unpopularity. Energy saving lamps will be distributed to the population. No doubt there is a lot more to come - including the distribution of free popcorn to cinema goers. Like the silly stratagem of impressing buyers by an insipid cadeau inside a washing powder box, this government expects its puerile pre-electoral staggering largesse to impress enough voters to make up for the several percentage points by which it is trailing the MLP. Trying last-minute tactics to clinch an impossible victory is only making things worse. The government is digging frantically while it finds itself in an impossible hole as it treats voters like idiots changing their determined protest votes into u-turns after phoney concessions.

Recently, cabaret dancers were allowed to perform in Malta. But lovers of cabaret will never forget the way other cabaret dancers were treated not so long ago. These were rounded up, arrested half dressed and taken to cells like the worst of criminals in a shameful exercise called Operation Last Tanga in Malta.

European fora learned and spoke about this in consternation, confirming that this government finds it easy to merge Christian Democracy with fundamentalism - the same way it conjured up the silly merger gonzipn hoping that this strange word can hypnotise voters into electing a party which has continuously turned the cold shoulder to real human problems.

This narrow-minded attitude can also be seen in the government's hostility to divorce - which will never be introduced in Malta under the PN in spite of this civil right's existence in all European countries for decades.

We are in this country living a contradiction of thinking we are European while doing everything to frustrate all that Europeans consider a natural mentality.

Internal democracy

In my opinion, the biggest election loser of the PN intelligent strategy group will remain the creation of the awkward word gonzipn. Pre-Gonzian Nats do not like this word at all. Borgolivierian and Fenech Adamian Nats have had enough of Dr Gonzi, saying that Malta made progress since he became PN leader, as this is just short of saying that Dr Gonzi is Malta's messiah - the first and last leader of the party. No other PN leader has attached his name to the party name. It takes some nerve! I guess one of these days he'll want his great Mao Tse Tung-like statue in St George's Square.

Grrrr on the Granaries

Poor attendance at PN massive meetings is not very encouraging. These are a disaster and indicate that lost sheep have not come back. And the more spit, venom, anger and fake surveys that are thrown about, the more PN voters throw tantrums. Above all, PN hooligan performances such as during the University debate will increase the number of PN lost sheep - especially those who associate education with democracy.

Ironmonger of your choice

Following failed promises of doctor and pharmacist of your choice, here comes the ironmonger of your choice. The PN's answer to Labour's promise of halving the electricity surcharge is to offer a number of light bulbs per family (double for friends of friends). Of course, they couldn't also copy that from the Plan For A New Beginning. This reminds one of the drizzle of children's allowance given back after the tsunami of stinginess with families. It is also a poor response to Labour's removal of VAT on education. Maybe the PN also wishes to remove VAT on education but first it has to understand that books are part of education.

Heard in the political hive:

We are beating you by several points.

Yes, but in corruption!

Still a chance

Some PN candidates making home visits are definitely not optimistic. Take off that unhappy face; there's still a chance - even if some conservative candidates are saying that it's a hopeless situation! Also it's bad electoral strategy to say that gonzipn will only win if each Nat ambitiously convinces a non-Nat to vote Nat. As the saying goes: "Issa ma tarax?!" - meaning "Yes Sir, I will try". Huddled pessimistically together, everything is possible.

Dr Licari teaches psycholinguistics, sociolinguistics and geolinguistics at the Department of French of the University of Malta.