Love stories
Love is in the air. As Valentine's Day looms, Amanda Garzia meets two women who will be spending the day away from their 'real' love.
Valentine's Day? This year it has me slightly off kilter. By the time the masks of revelry and prinjolata cleared the shelves for the customary riot of candy red and marshmallow pink, Ash Wednesday was already in the offing. The trappings of romance were beginning to look too garish for the hush of Lent. It did not help that this month's Ecologist described February 14 as "a day the planet could do without". As we get and give the cards and the gifts, proof of a deeper or deepening love, we also skip down lovers' lane leaving an abysmal footprint.
I was in good company, given my consternation, when I met 30-year-old Lucie who was on holiday in Malta visiting Peter, her boyfriend. She was having a lovely time, making the most of our January sun and her time off from work. I asked her what she thinks about Valentine's Day. She and Peter do not make such a fuss about it. This, in a way, is a good thing since it will not be possible for them to spend the day together this year. They did meet for Christmas, however, which means that they saw each other on two separate occasions in the space of a month, not bad for two people who, by force of circumstance, are currently living miles apart.
The story of Lucie and Peter spans three countries, as borders collapse and people seek new experiences. They met in Britain while Lucie, newly arrived from her home in Slovakia, was working as an au pair. Within a month of settling down in London, she met Peter and they hit it off immediately. Their relationship was going strong five years later when Peter was offered a career opportunity in Malta. Lucie was willing to quit her job and come to live in Malta so they decided that Peter should take up the offer. Owing to different job schedules and obligations, they had to plan separate departures. Peter came first. Lucie arrived a month later. It was the first Valentine's Day they were forced to spend apart.
As regards the ones that came before and after, they either used to go out for dinner or else used to stay at home with a bottle of champagne at hand. When they are apart, Peter and Lucie talk on the phone come birthdays and Christmas. Valentine's Day, by comparison, does not top their list of very important dates so a text message usually suffices. Sure, they used to exchange heart-speckled cards and gifts but they do not do it as often now. Is there a gift or memory she treasures more than any other? Naturally, she holds dear all the time spent with her companion. However, she fondly remembers, her eyes smiling as she goes back in time, the Valentine's Day when her boyfriend surprised her with a really expensive jacket he knew she had really liked. She will never forget it because it was so unexpected.
In Slovakia, during the last decade or so, Valentine's Day has become popular. So, I asked Lucie, will Valentine's be particularly difficult this time round? Given that the physical distance has been a daily reality ever since she returned home, she had not really thought about it. Maybe it will be harder to bear come the 14th as it will be impossible to ignore couples and youngsters on the lookout for a partner preparing for a night out. I told Lucie that it is perfectly normal in North America to send friends and family a Valentine's card; it is not simply a day for lovers or prospective lovers. I remember, as a child, giving out very small paper Valentines to all the children in my class. It was the norm. Nowadays, gestures of gratitude have changed. Yet the signs of appreciation exchanged between friends and family, however trivial, are welcome by one and all. She seemed to like the idea.
Last year, after a stay of two years in Malta, preceded by another five in Britain, Lucie felt that the time had come to pay her family an extended visit. When it comes to job satisfaction, she has not been as lucky as her companion. Peter does not regret that he left his home country when the opportunity presented itself. Moving is not an easy thing to do but that is the thing with jobs and love and life. Lucie and Peter know this full well.
As we topped off our lunch together with a quick espresso, Lucie explained the dilemmas troubling her. Unsettled because of a desire to share her life with a boyfriend with whom she gets on well and the need to be gainfully, and happily, employed makes for a tough mulling-over of options. While we joked about our need for a caffeine fix, I discovered something else that we have in common. She hates flying, particularly the chest-pounding minutes during take-off and landing. She admitted, with a smile, that she tries not to think about airplanes too much given that there won't be a tunnel from the mainland to the island any time soon.
The day I met Sarah, a widow in her early 40s, I understood that time is on her side because it has helped her cope with personal tragedy. She lost her husband when he was 30 years of age. I asked if she would mind my quizzing her about the then and now of her Valentine's Days. Twelve years have elapsed since her husband passed away so it was somewhat easier for her to talk about special days which, obviously, will always remind her of him. If you happened to ask me this question 10 years ago, she was quick to point out, I would have given you a completely different answer.
Time does not erase memories, of course. Yet time has the knack of making it possible to look forward to the yearly drill of celebrations which come and go as the months change into years. Before you know it, Sarah grimaced, another birthday is coming up and you have to add an extra number to your grand total. I agreed with her as we discovered that just three days separate her birthday and mine.
She and her husband used to go out for dinner on Valentine's Day and always gave each other a card and a gift. Does she still celebrate nowadays? Her sons, the eldest of whom is 21, do not really bother. On the occasions when Sarah has a date she does make it a point to go out for the evening. However, this does not mean that she will not think of her late husband. The memories keep flooding in, whether she is at home on Valentine's watching a movie with her children or out dining with an acquaintance. The difference, now that a good number of years have gone by, is that she is upbeat about the present, enjoying the company of family and friends. This is, after all, probably the best and only way to get through any type of holiday when you have suffered a loss which few can understand properly if they have not, themselves, experienced it.
Like Lucie, Sarah sees a big difference between Christmas and Valentine's Day. On Christmas Day loss is more acutely felt than on any other special occasion. Other holidays hit less hard. Although she does not put Valentine's Day up there in her list of very important dates, she has made plans for next Thursday. In spite of the fact that Valentine's Day is traditionally for lovers, Sarah will be spending the evening with a guy who is a friend of hers. "My friend and I are planning to go out just for the fun of it", she told me. It is usually a pleasant day to go out for dinner, after all. She is looking forward to make the most of the warm atmosphere that Valentine's Day generates in eateries and entertainment spots throughout the island. I felt uplifted as I listened to Sarah. She radiates an infective sense of enthusiasm which is very hard to ignore, a blessing for anyone who meets her.
Michael Leunic, cartoonist and Australian national treasure, once put forward the following happiness formula for his public. "Love one another and you will be happy. It's as simple and as difficult as that." With that echo from another continent I am no longer annoyed that this Valentine's Day, my 11th wedding anniversary, happens to be during a period of repentance.
I realise that the spirit of Lent is a facet of love, for loving a person in his or her entirety brings with it a certain amount of sacrifice. Whether it is the denial of the self, at times, for the benefit of a larger whole or the experience of grief at the death of a loved one, making reasonable sacrifices, large and small, is part of the deal. To have truly loved means to have given up something for the sake of a loved one. Perhaps the planet can do without Valentine's Day. The otherness that is true love, however, is quite a different story.
I was in good company, given my consternation, when I met 30-year-old Lucie who was on holiday in Malta visiting Peter, her boyfriend. She was having a lovely time, making the most of our January sun and her time off from work. I asked her what she thinks about Valentine's Day. She and Peter do not make such a fuss about it. This, in a way, is a good thing since it will not be possible for them to spend the day together this year. They did meet for Christmas, however, which means that they saw each other on two separate occasions in the space of a month, not bad for two people who, by force of circumstance, are currently living miles apart.
The story of Lucie and Peter spans three countries, as borders collapse and people seek new experiences. They met in Britain while Lucie, newly arrived from her home in Slovakia, was working as an au pair. Within a month of settling down in London, she met Peter and they hit it off immediately. Their relationship was going strong five years later when Peter was offered a career opportunity in Malta. Lucie was willing to quit her job and come to live in Malta so they decided that Peter should take up the offer. Owing to different job schedules and obligations, they had to plan separate departures. Peter came first. Lucie arrived a month later. It was the first Valentine's Day they were forced to spend apart.
As regards the ones that came before and after, they either used to go out for dinner or else used to stay at home with a bottle of champagne at hand. When they are apart, Peter and Lucie talk on the phone come birthdays and Christmas. Valentine's Day, by comparison, does not top their list of very important dates so a text message usually suffices. Sure, they used to exchange heart-speckled cards and gifts but they do not do it as often now. Is there a gift or memory she treasures more than any other? Naturally, she holds dear all the time spent with her companion. However, she fondly remembers, her eyes smiling as she goes back in time, the Valentine's Day when her boyfriend surprised her with a really expensive jacket he knew she had really liked. She will never forget it because it was so unexpected.
In Slovakia, during the last decade or so, Valentine's Day has become popular. So, I asked Lucie, will Valentine's be particularly difficult this time round? Given that the physical distance has been a daily reality ever since she returned home, she had not really thought about it. Maybe it will be harder to bear come the 14th as it will be impossible to ignore couples and youngsters on the lookout for a partner preparing for a night out. I told Lucie that it is perfectly normal in North America to send friends and family a Valentine's card; it is not simply a day for lovers or prospective lovers. I remember, as a child, giving out very small paper Valentines to all the children in my class. It was the norm. Nowadays, gestures of gratitude have changed. Yet the signs of appreciation exchanged between friends and family, however trivial, are welcome by one and all. She seemed to like the idea.
Last year, after a stay of two years in Malta, preceded by another five in Britain, Lucie felt that the time had come to pay her family an extended visit. When it comes to job satisfaction, she has not been as lucky as her companion. Peter does not regret that he left his home country when the opportunity presented itself. Moving is not an easy thing to do but that is the thing with jobs and love and life. Lucie and Peter know this full well.
As we topped off our lunch together with a quick espresso, Lucie explained the dilemmas troubling her. Unsettled because of a desire to share her life with a boyfriend with whom she gets on well and the need to be gainfully, and happily, employed makes for a tough mulling-over of options. While we joked about our need for a caffeine fix, I discovered something else that we have in common. She hates flying, particularly the chest-pounding minutes during take-off and landing. She admitted, with a smile, that she tries not to think about airplanes too much given that there won't be a tunnel from the mainland to the island any time soon.
The day I met Sarah, a widow in her early 40s, I understood that time is on her side because it has helped her cope with personal tragedy. She lost her husband when he was 30 years of age. I asked if she would mind my quizzing her about the then and now of her Valentine's Days. Twelve years have elapsed since her husband passed away so it was somewhat easier for her to talk about special days which, obviously, will always remind her of him. If you happened to ask me this question 10 years ago, she was quick to point out, I would have given you a completely different answer.
Time does not erase memories, of course. Yet time has the knack of making it possible to look forward to the yearly drill of celebrations which come and go as the months change into years. Before you know it, Sarah grimaced, another birthday is coming up and you have to add an extra number to your grand total. I agreed with her as we discovered that just three days separate her birthday and mine.
She and her husband used to go out for dinner on Valentine's Day and always gave each other a card and a gift. Does she still celebrate nowadays? Her sons, the eldest of whom is 21, do not really bother. On the occasions when Sarah has a date she does make it a point to go out for the evening. However, this does not mean that she will not think of her late husband. The memories keep flooding in, whether she is at home on Valentine's watching a movie with her children or out dining with an acquaintance. The difference, now that a good number of years have gone by, is that she is upbeat about the present, enjoying the company of family and friends. This is, after all, probably the best and only way to get through any type of holiday when you have suffered a loss which few can understand properly if they have not, themselves, experienced it.
Like Lucie, Sarah sees a big difference between Christmas and Valentine's Day. On Christmas Day loss is more acutely felt than on any other special occasion. Other holidays hit less hard. Although she does not put Valentine's Day up there in her list of very important dates, she has made plans for next Thursday. In spite of the fact that Valentine's Day is traditionally for lovers, Sarah will be spending the evening with a guy who is a friend of hers. "My friend and I are planning to go out just for the fun of it", she told me. It is usually a pleasant day to go out for dinner, after all. She is looking forward to make the most of the warm atmosphere that Valentine's Day generates in eateries and entertainment spots throughout the island. I felt uplifted as I listened to Sarah. She radiates an infective sense of enthusiasm which is very hard to ignore, a blessing for anyone who meets her.
Michael Leunic, cartoonist and Australian national treasure, once put forward the following happiness formula for his public. "Love one another and you will be happy. It's as simple and as difficult as that." With that echo from another continent I am no longer annoyed that this Valentine's Day, my 11th wedding anniversary, happens to be during a period of repentance.
I realise that the spirit of Lent is a facet of love, for loving a person in his or her entirety brings with it a certain amount of sacrifice. Whether it is the denial of the self, at times, for the benefit of a larger whole or the experience of grief at the death of a loved one, making reasonable sacrifices, large and small, is part of the deal. To have truly loved means to have given up something for the sake of a loved one. Perhaps the planet can do without Valentine's Day. The otherness that is true love, however, is quite a different story.