The year 2015 has become in Malta even more important than 1984 worldwide. The famous title of Orwell's masterpiece has been rendered insipid by a new momentous year on the horizon - an exciting encounter with national destiny when the Maltese nation will discover its real self, when it will sever all ties with the lingering mental imprisonment of neocolonialism and fundamentalism. The year 2015 is set to be one that will see the fruition of centuries of political effort when the sun will rise and never set on the slow and painful efforts conditioning our struggles with growing up and blossoming into emancipation.

The very mention of 2015 will soon be pricking ears up - which will no longer be close to the ground to listen to the people's complaints, as they will no longer have any. Soon, if you are walking in a crowd and somebody shouts "2015", everybody will turn round in awe and start peeping and sniffing for signs of excellence. If you are watching an exciting game at the stadium and someone looks up and whispers "2015" all the fans will jerk their chins up and see Nirvana shapes forming in the clouds through Rorscharch imagination.

Between now and 2015 people will have increased dreams about this phenomenon. At night they will wake up shouting "2015 - WOW!" and, when the missus asks her husband what time he will be returning home for dinner, he will automatically answer "20.15" - as he had already answered in the morning when asked what time he had to be at work.

Obsessive mention of 2015 can have its dangers. The repeated number may make emotional people too excited. I have a great idea to write a novel called 2015; so that's it, this is now copyright and I am warning all and sundry not to steal my idea as my lawyer will sue you and make me rich even before I sell millions of copies of my novel - which will be a work of literary excellence.

Word of honour

In 2003, we were promised "no more taxes". The first budget after the election raised VAT from 15 per cent to 18 per cent. So much for promises! Charles Mangion asked the government in Parliament last August: "Are you going to raise VAT from 18 per cent to 25 per cent after the election?" So far there has been deafening silence. Can we have an answer to this... unless silence means consent?

Mind your language

First the Leader of the Opposition was wrongly accused of stopping someone from going to the University. Then Jason Micallef's "we shall also be a government for Labourites" was changed to "only for Labourites" - for the sake of precision! Soon "some members of the opposition praised my budget" became some Labour individuals. Until the election, we shall be inventing more fiction - for we have vision.

What Gozitans are saying

Two relevant things Gozitans are saying are first that they cannot possibly be treated as inferior. If the general hospital needs a machine, the funds do not have to be collected by foreign residents in Gozo but should come from the central government.

The Gozitans are also saying that they have had enough of unemployment on their island and that empty promises of employment excellence are absolutely bull clover.

Exception for courtesy

If the Prime Minister tries to shake hands with you, accept only out of careful courtesy - but do it very quickly. He has two very strong hands. Schwartzenegger politics are alive and well and living in Malta.

More money in your pockets

I will spare you the interesting details but euro coins are, for equivalent amounts, heavier and more voluminous than Malta coins. A Malta lira coin, for example, is less heavy and takes less space than its equivalent in euro coins. This means that, as from January 1, in keeping with its promise that the Maltese will have more money in their pockets after the last excellent budget, you will feel more weight in your pockets - which will also have a bigger bulge. This is not simply a euphoric financial placebo which will give you an impression of greater wealth, but it will keep you solid on the ground - as a member of a solid family - even when it's very windy. The only problem is that, with the increased mass of money in your pockets, your trousers will tend to slide down with the weight. But the problem may be solved by wearing braces. A TV animator has already tried this in imitation of Larry King and it gives him a very elegant, independent look.

Hello Lawrence

It was kind of you, before the budget, to invite us all (using propaganda leaflets made from our taxes, it's true) to phone you at Castille with our suggestions. I kept postponing this call but, seeing that we could still phone you on the Sunday evening before the budget, I decided to phone late Sunday. A sweet lady's voice answered and I said that this couldn't have been you - with your usual tenor's voice. I asked for you, but you were out. I made a few suggestions to the lady and insisted with her that they must be included in the next day's budget. I guessed that some time before the budget you would call back at Castille and insert the last few suggestions, including mine, before rushing to your PC and finalising the budget speech.

Till the last minute I heard you the next day and my suggestions weren't in your speech! I suppose that now you are saying "Oops!" but it's not funny at all. So why did you ask for suggestions till Sunday night, making me phone in vain? In any case, your intention is to be Prime Minister for ever (fearing Après moi, le déluge) and, at least, my suggestions can be used for the next budget. I too think that nobody now or ever can have better ideas. In fact, my suggestions remain valid till your grand finale of 2015 when everything will be excellent. Bye for now and say hello to the nice lady of the phone.

Perceived inflation

Look out for the buzz expression "perceived inflation" giving the impression that your stomach is tricking you into thinking that food prices are higher. Next buzz joke: "Perceived perception".

Historical moments

These days conservative journalists are telling us daily that we are living historical moments. When we are bored, they get angry and hysterical. Can't they at least reduce the historical moments to once per week?

Stop it!

Please stop sending SMSs and e-mails joking about the last sentence of Lawrence Gonzi's article in this paper of October 22: "Like you, this government knows where it stands today and where it is going tomorrow". It's not funny. Even less humorous are the jokes about the pair of strong arms required by the next PM, Popeye, spinach and Olive.

Save Ta' Cenc

Din l-Art Helwa is circulating a petition to save Ta' Cenc. Sign it on www.savetacenc.com.

Dr Licari teaches psycholinguistics, sociolinguistics and geolinguistics at the Department of French of the University of Malta.

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