Cana to strengthen marriage preparation course

In a bid to explore new ways of presenting its marriage preparation course "in a beautiful way", the Cana Movement has embarked on a pilot project it hopes can flourish.

"As Cana we are prepared to expand and find new ways of ensuring couples are well prepared before they say 'I do'. The method is irrelevant; what's important is that they understand the message," Cana director Fr Joe Mizzi said.

For the first time, Cana is presenting a marriage preparation course that combines its solid training for the sacrament with the strength of another course, presented by Petra and Peter Ellul Vincenti.

For the past five years, the couple has been holding seven-week marriage courses along the same lines as those held in the UK by Nicky and Sila Lee, who have penned The Marriage Book: How To Build A Lasting Relationship.

Mr and Ms Lee's course, geared to help couples invest in their marriage and make it stronger in the light of ever-increasing separations, is practised across the UK and in 16 countries worldwide.

In Malta, the Ellul Vincentis are the link and the course has become extremely successful over the past years. Coming together with Cana is the fruit of one year of talks and discussions.

"We appreciate innovative methods and we are ready to collaborate hand in hand with Peter and Petra," Fr Mizzi said.

As he sits at table alongside Peter and Petra, it is immediately clear that all three are on the same wavelength and have a common goal: that couples nurture their love and don't separate at the slightest conflict.

They believe that one of the missing elements in relationships these days is communication. Many young people are entering the trap of a fast life, going out with friends and barely finding the time to connect.

"Quality time for each other is essential," he stressed.

In the past year since his appointment, Fr Mizzi has been eager to embrace change and he set up a sub-commission to revise the content and methodology of Cana's marriage preparation course that is presented to 260 couples in 70 parishes in Malta.

He admits it is not always easy to find couples to volunteer their time and energy to present the course.

Getting together with Peter and Petra, Cana is presenting a course for English-speaking couples that delves into religion and values, parenting, extended families, handling personal issues and problem solving.

Petra explained that the course will revolve around the self-diagnostic inventory called Facilitating Open Couple Communication, Understanding And Study.

Foccus, an online questionnaire that is preferably completed before the course starts, helps couples learn more about themselves and their unique relationship. It is not a test, nor meant as a predictor of success or failure in marriage. It is a tool to help couples name and work through issues before plunging into marriage.

"If they answer each question truthfully it will give them a clear picture of their relationship and open their eyes to issues they may have been neglecting," Peter said.

"This course encourages you to discuss matters, such as sexual preferences, that many feel uncomfortable discussing," he added.

Fr Mizzi wishes that, eventually, the Foccus questionnaire is extended to all couples undergoing the Cana course because it was so "enriching".

Both Peter and Petra plan to then follow up the couples who had undergone the preparation course and got married, and also encourage them to attend the actual marriage course.

"We just want to make sure they're still having fun in their marriage," Petra said.

The upcoming course starts on Tuesday at 7.30 p.m. at Madliena. It will be led by Fr Mizzi, Peter and Petra and two other couples: Leslie and Charmaine Caruana, and Tony and Rita Galea.

Places are limited and pre-registration is essential. To book call 7904 8490.

Knowing me... knowing you

The following exercise is just a taste of the seven-week course focused on how to build a lasting relationship. These are just a few sample statements from the Foccus questionnaire, geared to help you study, understand and communicate openly about many things that are important in your relationship. Just read these out and see if you "agree", "disagree" or are "uncertain".

I am nearly always relaxed around my partner.
My partner has too few interests and activities apart from me.
I am hoping that marriage will solve some of the major problems in my life.
There are some issues which my partner will not discuss.
I have doubts that my commitment to this marriage is strong enough for a lifetime.
My partner and I can talk about our sexual fears, hopes and preferences.
I think I will feel uncomfortable being nude in front of my partner.
I have at times been fearful that my partner will cause me harm.
There are qualities about my partner that I do not respect.
How my partner deals with change is a problem for me.
My partner's family is uncomfortable with my values/beliefs/religion.