Cana and marriage preparation courses

Without any doubt, nearly everyone agrees that a healthy marriage is very rewarding to the individual and society alike. No one denies that strong marriages are an excellent place for the upbringing of children and for the physical and mental development of healthy individuals; less burdensome, economically speaking, on the state and on civil society and, above all, a solid foundation for stable relationships.

Healthy marriages do not fall from heaven. They are made day by day with positive decisions. Cana marriage preparation courses do help but like any other course, they do not provide one with all the answers one needs. In our courses we try to build the skills of engaged couples to be able to deal with different stages and situations of married life.

Recently, there were comments from people who, especially after reading The Sunday Times' survey conducted by Professor Mario Vassallo on marriage and family life, have rushed to the conclusion that Cana courses offer too little and too late, in a non-appealing approach and with outdated material.

I hold that such unfounded criticism does not do justice to the Cana Movement and requires some clarifications. First of all, the survey showed that the vast majority of respondents (85.3%) consider Cana courses to be necessary and 90.7% absolutely disagreed that they are useless. In fact, they are asking for more assistance.

Second, when the survey showed that 47.3% said that couples were not preparing themselves well for marriage, it did not specify which course they were actually following, whether the approved ones organised by Cana or the ones organised by autonomous individuals under the brand name of Cana.

Third, a vital feature of our marriage preparation courses has been the constant updating of our material. Recently, we have been substituting some of the little presentations with a short DVD. Moreover, this summer, a sub-commission was established to renew the content and the methodology of our courses. At Cana we are all committed to making a leap in quality and content.

Though the course in itself is valuable, we should not forget one single and yet fundamental thing. Donald Winnicott, a child psychiatrist, says that there is no such thing as a couple. There is always a couple in relation to a third party. This third party might be the family of origin, colleagues at the place of work, friends at places of leisure, the constant bombardment of the mass media, and above all, the rapidly changing culture we breathe. All these factors are providing innumerable complex experiences to our young couples, and they are exposing in front of them widespread options and possibilities.

The crux of the issue lies precisely here. What are the young people choosing out of all these options? Are they following the "louder exterior sound" which attracts more but is void inside, or are they choosing the "silent inner sound" which appeals more to what is logical? I am afraid that in front of all these colourful experiences, the couples have little time to reflect and make sensible decisions.

It is a real pity that after having invested so much in young couples, some of them allow themselves to be moved by "irrational" factors with tragic consequences for themselves and their marriages. Although they all "know" that what they are choosing does not make sense to themselves and to others, they still blindly pursue these desires. Some even conclude and excuse themselves by saying that nowadays, this is the 'trend' and the 'norm'.

Unfortunately, at this point, they forget all the positive resolutions and promises they had made and continue struggling in mud, little knowing that the more they struggle the deeper they sink.

Though we are the product of our own culture, I believe we are also its designers. By putting our trust in God, we really can change the course of culture. Hence, I see that Cana's mission, now and in the coming years, should be to further improve the marriage preparation courses, work on follow-ups to these courses and accompany married couples in their journey of married life, for the essence of marriage is not learned in a particular class but it is discovered through daily experience.

I would like to thank the marriage preparation commission which is tirelessly working on ways to improve the course; the married couples who work as group facilitators, and who, on a voluntary basis, are committed to transmit the values of marriage to young couples; and I also thank the engaged couples who attend our courses and help us improve with their constructive feedback and suggestions.

The Cana Movement, in collaboration with Caritas Malta and the Diocesan Commission for the Family, are organising a national conference on healthy marriages on Saturday, October 27, from 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. at St Monica School, Gzira. The guest speaker will be Dr Samantha Callan, adviser on family matters to the Bishops' Conference of England and Wales. The general public is invited.

Fr Mizzi is director of the Cana Movement