I remember a boy in my street long ago who practised the habit of tying a string to a coin - which he left round a corner. When he suspected that someone was trying to pick up the coin, he pulled the string to make the prospective picker fall flat on his face. We called this habit "coinus interruptus". Some attempted resignations today remind me of this practical joke. The picker manqué looks ridiculous but the trickster looks even more ludicrous when he pulls the coin nobody is trying to pick up.

Minister from MCESD

The promise by Labour that the chairman of the MCESD would be invited for Cabinet meetings just like a minister was welcomed by one and all. As expected, those who gnashed their teeth at this idea, tried to fit it into their usual pre-planned shock-absorber categorisation. The idea is not practical, or it is ridiculous or we have thought about it before you and you stole it from us. Sure, sure.

Football patriotism

Football patriotism in Malta is increasing - as can be seen by the enthusiasm during the Malta-Turkey game. At last we are starting to lose our inferiority complex. Forza Malta! Shame on the supporter who disrespected the police and well done to the magistrate who fined him solidly. Sports is a discipline, a culture, an education - certainly not a feast of hooliganism.

Health in practice

When I see an article by the Minister of Health, I always wish to see in it information about the improvement of the medical services (not just buildings), including the famous waiting lists for operations, the patient waiting at outpatients and emergency, the price of medicines, badly-planned employment of foreign nurses, etc. This is what the public is interested in. Let's be practical and promote health concretely! Meanwhile, I heard a lawyer on radio state that an old client of his was in September 2007 given an ultrasound appointment for November 2008. A really state-of-the-art medical service - the fifth in the world - where ultrasound is almost a post-mortem exercise.

Greek ministers in Malta

Before you read any further, do you want to bet that there aren't any Greek ministers living in Malta? Place your bet with the editor and continue. The proof: I am one of the four per cent of Maltese who listen to radio 101. Another listener recently moaned on air that it's useless talking to Nat ministers. "It's as if you're talking to a Greek" - said he. So it's not because they are not close to the people. It's just a language problem.

He had a dream

While enjoying a beer in a Sliema café, my friends and I heard Robert Arrigo say on Smash TV that some Labour families he visited told him they were voting PN for the first time (and defying Moody's predictions?). Spontaneously we raised our glasses and exclaimed: "Evviva Arrigo!", for he had made us feel so merry. We also realised that a little forced euphoria can change left to right, that Labourites should stop taking the Mickey out of the naïve and that Lawrence Gonzi's dexterous shadow Cabinet reshuffle by youngsters may include a minister of hope.

I had a dream

... that the lovely brown waves of Brown Flag Balluta Beach had become permanently blue.

My luxury gaffe

Luxury cruises can easily become luxury gaffes - especially when the brain of a conservative party goes on a long Mediterranean cruise on the yacht of a millionaire. It's a new way of doing politics and provoking quality jumps in furious internal critics.

Scarecrows getting personal

When political arguments run dry, some conservative writers resort to Christian compliments related to wigs and facelifts (Christian Democracy allows this). Others may respond by referring to squirrel-pouches and moon-craters on their adversaries' faces.

I am surprised when glasshouse dwellers criticise the physical defects of politicians. Apart from the invading immaturity of advancing anxiety in some analectic analysts, it often results that critics of personal features strike you stiff when you look at them. How can scarecrows have the nerve of finding fault in others' facial features?

How can a witch-broom call a mop ugly? For, come to think of it, handsome people never offend others' subjective ugliness!

MUT and Education Division transparency

The MUT has called for an enquiry regarding the choice of guidance teachers at the Education Division. I am four square behind the MUT in this. If things have been done correctly, nobody should be afraid of an investigation.

A postcard from Francis

Francis Zammit Dimech has done it again. He sent me a postcard informing me that he is well - and I am glad about it. I am a bit busy at the moment and cannot reciprocate the greetings at his home. Of course, if I did, I would first enquire on whether I should put "Family" before the surname. Indeed, for some years I lived on my own but Francis still sent me messages addressing me as "Family Licari". Now I have heard of extended families, reconstituted families, gay families, etc. but never of a one-person family. Well, there's social progress for you!

In his postcard showing unevenly spread sand at St George's Bay (making you trip and wade upside down), Francis starts off by telling me that he wished to thank me - which means he only wished to thank me but didn't. He congratulates me for, as a Maltese, I helped tourism a lot.

I don't see the logic. Many Maltese do not help tourism simply by being Maltese. Indeed, the wild-driving boar, litter-bugs, countryside haters, orang-outangs on beaches, petard maniacs, merciless critics of Tonio Borg's immigration management and hooliganish slow learners of basic Anglo-Saxon and linguistic belching, actually help destroy tourism.

Francis' slick intention comes towards the end when his congratulations to me change to congrats "to us". Point taken. I praise "us" so that indirectly I am praising myself. In billiards it's called carambola. Very clever political psycholinguistics, Francis!

Unfortunately, the merry message in the postcard worried me with its anticlimax, for Francis promised to "continue working breathlessly and continuously". But isn't Dr Gonzi thinking of replacing him by Jeffrey Pullicino Orlando - whom he called "a tourism expert"? Such ingratitude after the hard work and summer success!

The bridge

The Regional Road bridge-repair project (to be inaugurated as a new bridge) does not mention the month of completion - as cheeky individuals would inevitably ask: "Of which year?" However, until it's ready, can a rope footpath be temporarily stretched across and inaugurated with pomp, gas and gaiters?

Wrong word

Idisagree with the name given to the independence celebrations; indifest looks too much like indigest - as in Moody's Malta election predictions and in the PM's promise that all will be well by 2015.

Best quote

"Lawrence Gonzi said it will not be long before the government will turn again on (sic) the Maltese people"(Di-ve e-paper, September 22).

Second best quote (same source)

"We are all ears."

Dr Licari teaches sociolinguistics, psycholinguistics and geolinguistics at the Department of French of the University of Malta.