High school musical it certainly wasn't - the only parallel was the fact that the presenters, Christine Haber and Sean Vella, play a couple in the most popular teleserial in Malta, as are the coincidentally similarly-named Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens in real life.

Apart from that, the Junior Song for Europe Festival was a veritable shambles every step of the way. Let us forget, for the nonce, that all entries to festivals to come, as well as our European brethren, will think that any song title or group name containing the four-letter word "Cute" is an automatic winner.

There were several things more worthy of a grumble than that. Let us take, for instance, the fact that nary a song was in the vernacular, when the European Broadcasting Union regulations indicate that they could have been, seeing that Maltese, like English, is an official language of Malta.

Maltasong's rules state adamantly that: "The lyrics shall be written either in Maltese and/or in English. Authors may choose any subject for their songs. However, songs with racist, sexist or anti-religious remarks shall not be acceptable."

It's a safe bet that not all the people who voted for the 2003 Croat song, the 2004 Spanish song, and the 2006 Russian song, actually did understand what was being sung.

I addressed an e-mail to the addresses of whom I was given to understand were the children in the three first placings in the contest, and also to last year's winner, asking them why they had not chosen Maltese.

Alison Ellul, the manager of Cute, the winning team that sang Music and garnered 82 points, was forwarded the letter by one of the parents, and replied on their behalf. She said that they just went with the flow; since "other Maltese representatives sang in English and for them it was the natural thing to do... They all have songs in Maltese, it wasn't a choice of which language is best (sic). It was more a case of what they were used to seeing in the past."

Danica Muscat, or her manager, did not reply - and neither did Sophie Debattista, last year's winner.

Ronald (no surname), writing on behalf of Kidz Mania, who sang New Generation, said that one of the singers wrote it - in English. Inter alia, he also suggested that trophies be given rather than 'vouchers', since these would have been tangible reminders for the children in years to come.

He is right, of course - and so are the chorus of people who have been complaining anyhow and anywhere - including in atrocious English on Websites that the world can read, such as the one on www.escmalta.com/articles/291, where not even some of the first names are written correctly.

When Milli Vanilli were exposed because they were lip-synching to someone else's voices, they had been disgraced, and disappeared off the face of the pop scene. In this festival, the music was defective not once, which would have been unfortunate, but twice, which was downright careless and unprofessional.

Moreover, some of the dancing in the so-called "entertainment" section of the interval was not suited to what was essentially a children's festival. The clothes, the body language and the subject matter of the routine were definitely not appropriate for the occasion.

Moreover, whenever the dancers attempted some moves, the camera moved in for a close-up - and thus the effect was lost because all we could see was a jumble of arms and legs.

Then there was the ballet. As far as the cameraperson was concerned, there appeared to be only one dancer - the rest were also-rans. This has nothing to do with the position of the camera, because the lens appeared to follow her around.

That is not to say that the filming for the festival proper was any better. I would say that the camerapersons had been lulled to sleep by the dullness of the occasion, and were carrying out their duties in sleepwalking mode. So, for that matter were the people in charge of the sound system; this kept fluctuating and at times threatened to drown out the singers' voices.

Whoever wrote the script for Christine and Sean must have referred to dog-eared copies of similar occasions dating back to the Middle Ages - that they managed to carry it off without wincing is a tribute to the youngsters.

Once again, I have to complain that the judges must be ashamed of the votes they cast - why else would their identities be kept hidden? The fact that "this is Malta" - I will get back to that later - would only have been an issue of we had known who they are before the contest proper.

One of my young singer friends did make it past the eliminatory stage; indeed, I watched the contest partly to see how the singers compared with her. Hand on heart, I can say that nobody even came close to her vocal range and innate ability to hold a note.

I am reliably informed that, as from next year, adults will be allowed to write the songs for the young singers, or at least help them do it; this far, it was a specific condition of entry that all songs be written by the children themselves.

I would also like to mention the inordinate amount of lobbying that went on before and during the festival itself - and here I am not talking about photocopied posters affixed to shop-windows. Many people, including myself, received e-mails on personal (rather than work-related) addresses. This is an invasion of privacy.

Moreover, some - but not all - contestants managed to get their names in write-ups in different sections of the press; this was unfair on those who could not manage it. This is another rule for the adjudicating board to consider implementing.

Incidentally, before the wheels were set in motion for this contest, the EBU had announced that the silly singing girl logo would be changed for 2007 and "asked broadcasters competing in the contest to produce their own logo for an internal competition. The winning logo would be used in the 2007 contest, with the possibility of it being used in future contests."

Is it possible that there is so much apathy about the whole caboodle that not even one country managed to get its logo used, by default, as it were? There's more, much more, to say than this. But I have run out of space.

television@timesofmalta.com

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