Slight at the end of the tunnel

At 12, Emma Hogg had seen the ravages of anorexia portrayed on the media and believed it was a stupid idea to starve.

One year later, after indulging in all the culinary delights, she tried dieting and when this didn't work, she unconsciously embarked on a journey to cut back on food.

"I was a bit of a chubby kid, but not fat by any stretch of the imagination. But I suddenly became obsessed with my weight," she said, pushing back a blonde strand that strayed over her face.

At 20, Emma has a radiant complexion, and has a well-proportioned figure for her 1.7-metre height. It's hard to imagine that six years ago she had fallen victim to anorexia and weighed a sickly 37 kilogrammes at her lowest ebb.

Now back on track, she is sharing her story with The Times in the hope of giving others the courage to put an end to their, and their family's, suffering.

Tomorrow, she will also be speaking at the launch of Taste Freedom, a campaign promoting better understanding, prevention and effective treatment for eating disorders.

This campaign is an initiative taken by Louisa Bartolo, a young woman who has battled eating disorders, is endorsed by the Health Promotion Department and is supported by the Vodafone Malta Foundation and HSBC Cares For Children Fund.

"Unfortunately, as these illnesses thrive on secrecy and are so overlooked in Malta, there are no reliable statistics available on the subject of eating disorders," Ms Bartolo said.

In a typical week, an eating disorder consultant at Mount Carmel Hospital sees about five new cases."Bearing in mind that many other psychologists and psychiatrists are faced with similar cases on a regular basis and the reluctance of sufferers to come forward, this figure is alarming," she said.

Only half of anorexics ever fully recover from the illness and about 11 per cent of those suffering die as a direct result of starvation or the severe depression and suicidal tendencies brought on by it.

Luckily, Emma managed to climb out of the depths she had reached and is now leading a healthy life. But it was not always this way.

She first discovered the power of controlling her weight when she managed to throw up her food the first time - it solved her quest to lose weight. She kept her daily ritual a secret from her family and when her brother confronted her one time, after hearing "odd noises" coming from the bathroom, she denied it.

At the time, she weighed a healthy 65 kilogrammes, but her clothes were starting to fit loose... to her delight. She was eating a bowl of cereal in the morning, and then focusing on burning the calories at the gym in the evening.

"Surprisingly, I did well in school...I had become a perfectionist in everything," she said, taking a sip from her cappuccino.

After a few weeks, her parents confronted her.

"They didn't immediately understand the problem...But when they recognised what was wrong they were extremely supportive," she said.

Her parents didn't immediately push the panic button, preferring to wait and see if the situation improved. A few months down the road, her condition had spiralled out of control and they took her to a psychotherapist and nutritionist. "My therapist was a great help but it took time. Every time we would discuss a recovery route I'd freeze. I knew I needed help - I was a mess, I hardly had any friends left and I wasn't going out," she said.

Seeing their daughter disintegrate, her parents encouraged her to go to hospital where she spent nearly four weeks.

However, she was soon back to her old tricks, putting food in her pocket to give to the cat and exercising vigorously in her bedroom.

"I used to work out to tone every part of my body, even making odd expressions to exercise my facial muscles," she said, her face lighting up with a smile as she remembered her extreme behaviour.

Three months later, when she hit 41 kilogrammes, her therapist sent her straight back to hospital, without even giving her time to pack her bags.

"I knew that if I didn't eat, I wasn't going to get out. They would give me ridiculous amounts of food - chicken, salmon, pasta, cereal, bread, milk...I had been starving for so long that in a way I guiltily accepted that I had no choice and ate it," she said.

Focusing her blue eyes on the table, Emma recalled the difficulties she faced in hospital, as part of its programme to get her to put on weight and regain her health. "I could only shower, see my parents or make a phone call if I put on a kilo. Everything depended on my weight - if I put on a kilo I could use the toilet, if not I had to use the bed pan, which was so degrading," she said wrinkling her button nose in disgust.

"I hated hospital, so to get out I started bingeing. When I did get up I kept up these erratic eating patterns and I soon shot up to 72 kilos," she said.

Then, the roller coaster started its trip downhill and her weight fell back to 53 kilogrammes. Her spiralling weight really exposed her desire to be "normal" like her friends, to be able to eat what they wanted without the guilt, and from that moment on she got a grip on her life.

She tackled her demons - a rough experience that marked her childhood - and found balance in her life.

"Once I realised what I was doing to myself, I forgave myself and started to heal. Now I eat whatever I want. I have built a healthier relationship with food and my own body, and worked on my confidence. It took time and I worked on it," she said.

With the support of her family and her boyfriend, anorexia is behind her.

Her advice to girls and women battling eating disorders is to get help and discover why they're in it.

"I don't want to hit 60 and look back with regret thinking I had wasted the best years obsessing about food."

More information on the campaign is available at www.tastefreedom.org.