Shooting up

Good morning, everybody, and welcome to the Has-Sigar Nature Reserve. My name is Paul and I shall be your guide today. I would like to welcome you on the half of the administrators of Has-Sigar, the Malta Association of Sensible Shooters and Conservationally Responsible Environmentalists (MASSACRE).

We shall follow the perimeter path around the lake and I must ask you all to follow the umbrella and not to stray off the path. We don't want any of you to tumble over into any of the sensible shooters' hides around the lake's perimeter. Or worse - tumble into any of our sensible shooters.

If we're lucky we may be able to spot some of the hundreds of bird species that visit the nature reserve on a daily basis. We get any number of exotic migratory species here. For instance, just last week I myself was fortunate enough to spot a very rare Tramplins harrier hovering less than 30 metres above the lake. Few sightings of such a bird have ever been made in this part of the Mediterranean. It was - as you can imagine - a big thrill for me.

I watched this beautiful predator through my field glasses for over a minute, before conserving it for posterity with just one cartridge from my over-and-under 12-bore.

This lovely and seriously endangered bird of prey is now conserved for posterity in one of my many vetrini at home. How fortunate for this bird that it chose our nature reserve to spend its last moments on earth! Had it not found this refuge it may well have flown on over land where it would probably have been cruelly exterminated by some irresponsible - and probably unlicensed - hunter. Tut tut!

As we proceed on around the lake you will notice a number of what may appear to be hunters' hides around the perimeter of said lake.

These have two functions. Firstly, they act as wonderful observation points for anyone wishing to look at the birds that visit the reserve. And secondly, they provide the enthusiastic conservationist with an almost unmissable target for his conservation efforts.

If I may digress for a minute. It was from that very hide over there that I observed a small flock of pink flamingoes land on the lake last month. I can tell you it was a great thrill for me as I watched these elegant waders just a few metres from my hide. But one thing I did discover about flamingoes that day was... they are not good to eat. In fact I had to throw away all the ones my wife didn't cook. Totally inedible, yeugh!

You see those two sleek speedboats over there? They are here for security reasons. Since we are a self-policing body, we need these boats to combat the attempts to poach wild birds from the reserve. There are some very wicked people about.

Now when we get right round to the other side of the lake you can all go and get a cold drink in the custom-built visitors' centre... where you can buy all manner of Has-Sigar Nature Reserve souvenirs. There is a large assortment of stuffed and mounted exotic and endangered birds and all at very reasonable prices.

We even have pocket-sized keyrings made from some of the smaller feathered visitors to the reserve. You may also want to stay for lunch in our Cordon Bleu restaurant. I believe today's specialities are honey buzzard terrine and wild goose pie... enjoy.

One thing we do draw the line at here is fishing. The lake is amply stocked with all manner of fish, but to take any is totally forbidden. The fish are there for the birds to catch and if there were no fish in the lake... the birds would simply not visit it... and we'd all have nothing to watch... braise, barbecue or fry.

Just try and ignore the gunfire and crawl on your stomachs through that bullet-proof waste pipe... the visitors' centre is straight on through there. And please... don't forget to tip the guide.