Charmed island

Sometimes I read something, which really has me giggling. For example, Brunel University, in the UK, has released a study, which concluded that the Maltese roads are the "safest in Europe".

Obviously, the researcher has never driven here! Or tried to cross over to the Floriana car park from City Gate, where pedestrians remind me of skittles in a bowling alley. Only the former, thankfully, fly in all directions before the buses have a chance to make a direct hit.

How can universities come up with this kind of unrealistic report? And how are these kind of reports used by the European Union?

Will we, for example, be blocked from getting future EU funds to improve our roads, because they have been deemed the safest in Europe?

Apparently, the researcher came to his conclusion by establishing that for every million drivers Malta has 25 fatalities - the lowest in the EU. Yes, I know we don't have a million drivers. They work these things out proportionately.

According to one report, the study was completed in advance of the planned harmonisation of driving standards across the EU in 2013. Findings were based on attitudes to safety, drink driving and motoring offences in the 27 European member state countries.

According to the study, our roads are safer than those of the Netherlands, Sweden, Switzerland, Norway and the UK. That old saying "tell it to the Marines" springs to mind.

Maybe these countries should send their road experts to Malta, so they can learn, from our driving standards, on how it's done!

Where do our statistics on drink driving come from? How many times have you seen a driver being breathalysed? As for motoring offences, it is not only the drivers that get booked that count!

Commenting on the report on the Daily Mail Website on Wednesday, Graham, from Hampshire in the UK, had this to say: "I am very surprised at Malta being top-ranked. I always feel very endangered when driving through the potholes of Valletta, and some of the mini-bus drivers collecting passengers from the airport act like boy-racers."

That is putting it very mildly.

The reason we do not have as many fatalities as the rest of Europe is because the Maltese drivers and pedestrians have a charmed life, if only the drivers were charming instead!

I know it is unfair to tar all Maltese drivers with the same brush. Some are civil and do drive safely, but we do have too many rogue drivers.

The way some statistics are arrived at and used to come to conclusions always puzzles me. We might have the least fatalities on the road per capita than the rest of Europe, but that does not mean our roads are safe.

We are just incredibly lucky on this island and it is not just drivers and pedestrians. Just think of other very hazardous 'hobbies' like pyrotechnics and the relative few fatalities we have connected with that activity.

However, let us not forget the unfortunate few who have been hit by tragedy due to unsafe practices and behaviour. They will certainly get no comfort from reports lauding safety on Malta's roads.

I have driven in London and other parts of the UK for many years, and on the continent on and off, and I certainly feel less safe driving here than countries we overtook in the report.

I count my lucky stars, day in day out, that I manage to get from A to B in one piece. Drivers drive through tunnels as though they are in a luna park bumping cars ring, slotting in and out, just missing cars in the other lane all the time.

We either have speed cameras, which reduce all traffic to a funeral cortege, and long, uninterrupted white lanes, on sometimes empty roads, when you are stuck behind a very slow-moving vehicle (because you know that a warden is hiding in the bushes), or we have a free for all in the tunnels and elsewhere.

Have you driven through Marsa going south recently? The four lanes leading to the airport and the Addolorata Cemetery are constantly criss-crossed at high speeds, as though drivers are on a Grand Prix racecourse.

Forget about indicators. Those who bother to use them flick them on as they zoom out in front of you. Do they think that an indicator has some remote braking power on other vehicles?

They obviously do not know that an indicator is there to show "the driver's intention" to change lanes, giving oncoming traffic time to slow down.

What are potential drivers tested on, I wonder?

Then there are the minicab and white taxi drivers who think they are cowboys in the Wild West. And the drivers of the huge coaches (which are way too big for our roads) are even worse, because size does matter. They monopolise the outside lane, flaunt parking regulations and behave like outlaws.

As for the buses, some drive in the middle of both lanes and choke us with their lethal fumes. Then of course we have the karrozzini. I am always nervous when stuck in a traffic jam with a horse behind me. A traffic jam in a heatwave is no place for a horse. Unlike many of the cars in the jam, the poor horse has no air conditioning.

When there is no jam, the traffic does not always flow either. There is no real distinction between inner and outer lanes here. You choose your lane and stick to it, whether you are in a hurry or just cruising.

The cruisers (you can always recognise them; they are the ones with the limp arm hanging out of the car window) one on the inside and the other on the outside lane decide what speed everyone else in that road should drive at.

The only time they will budge is at the sound of an ambulance or police siren. Thank God for small mercies.

Let's move on to side streets. How many times have you got to a junction and cannot see either side of the two-way street you are crossing because delivery vans or trucks are parked on both corners, totally blocking sight of any approaching traffic?

Then we have the enormous construction cranes and lorries, which cause all kinds of obstruction to traffic flow and pedestrian safety.

Have you seen the size of the newer construction lorries? Can our roads take the weight? And shouldn't extra long vehicles have police escorts on the road?

I know that a thriving construction industry is a good sign for the economy, but there is another side to that coin. Balance is crucial; otherwise it will be more than cranes we shall see topple over.

As for our pedestrian crossings, they can definitely not qualify in the safety stakes. Not only do many drivers not stop at them, but others overtake on them when a car has stopped, and the ones that do stop hardly ever give the pedestrian a chance to get to the other side of the road.

Have you noticed zigzags before and after a crossing? Well, they are there to prohibit cars stopping there, unless they have stopped to let pedestrians cross safely.

Not only do cars park on the zigzags, but they also park on the actual crossing. Just take a look at the crossing at the Ferries near the Zara corner. There is always a car, a van or a taxi parked right on the crossing.

As for the other side of the road, the coaches and buses are not only double parked, but some of the drivers cannot even be bothered to park in a straight line but leave their vehicles jutting out into the little space left for moving traffic.

In conclusion, an e-mail, which reached me late because of my recent change of address, puts the cherry on the cake.

It is a copy of a letter sent to the ADT in July, which, I am assuming, had not been acknowledged until last Thursday, when the mail was resent to me.

"It's a shame, a big, big shame that Bus No. ... should be on the road to the detriment of the Maltese passenger and tourist alike", wrote the disgruntled commuter.

The ADT have the number, and since I am sure that this is not the only offending bus, it is not fair to pick on just one. It is up to the ADT to do its job.

The commuter had resent his missive and threatened the ADT that unless he got an acknowledgment he would send it to "someone else who will obviously cherish it!"

I am not sure whether I am the "someone else", as copies could have been sent to a number of people. But, although I do criticise authorities when they fall back on their commitments, I do not "cherish" it.

The point is to get things done, not 'enjoy' showing them up.

The offending bus, according to the commuter, had no adequate suspension, "the bus kept jerking and shuddering every time the driver applied the brakes", and he could not understand how it had got through the VRT.

Furthermore, "the bus was filthy, including the windows and most of the seats were either dirty and worn, or horrible patched because they had been torn, and the last few benches had no back cushioning, the wood was bare."

Come on ADT. Get the unroadworthy buses off the road, especially the smoke-belchers!

I am very tempted to end with the vulgar "safe my a***". But as this is a respectable paper, I will have to opt for the asterisks. I am sure you can decipher them.

pamelapacehansen@gmail.com