As knowledge is becoming increasingly important and academic success more appreciated and valued, few are those who are aware of the impact this can have on families and family life - supporting the children to get their 'O' levels to supporting one's spouse to obtain a degree, all impact the way families live their lives. This article comes at a point when many more Maltese men and women are increasingly valuing continuous professional development.
It is easy to associate studying and the related stress with childhood and adolescence. A common scene is that of young children preparing for common entrance and junior lyceum exams. The parents, often the mothers, get hyped up and all tense in support for their children's achievement. Exams, therefore, become a family feat rather than the child's deed. Every member of the family contributes to it in some way.
Think about the many other things that get side-stepped during the effort. Some parents get more stressed than the children themselves. They focus all their attention on preparing for them, just as though the exams were theirs. Relationships suffer, other siblings feel left out, and some couples, so much lost in the fervour for the achievement, actually stop being husband and wife.
'O' level and 'A' level time is nothing different really. Along the age of the child varies the level of independence. Yet some parents still study with their teens to support them. Again, the stresses are high as the exams become the primary focus of the family. All the energy of all the members is channelled towards that particular achievement and other members of the family suffer. Some parents told me how the stress doesn't allow them to function sexually together for a while. Other siblings often complain of lack of attention and an increased sense of isolation.
'O' levels and common entrance and junior college exams have become a national adventure drawing together children, families and communities into a collective stress. The priest celebrating mass will encourage all of us to pray for all those sitting for exams. Even DJs on radio stations augur best wishes to the students. This national fervour doesn't allow us to think about those who don't achieve and how they feel. As if those who don't do these exams represent the nothingness which a lack of academic achievement came to mean in the recent years.
With the non-achievers deserving a separate article I'd like to move higher on the scale of academic success. Many families now boast of their children embarking on university studies.
The stresses don't subside as families often live the experience as intensely as in the previous years. Added to this are burdens of increased financial demands for increasingly expensive books, clothing and apparel - all money deducted from the family budget. Some parents have to work overtime and part-time to finance their children's education.
Some families live around their child's university degree. One father told me how he had to cease listening to music on his HiFi system when his daughter was studying, which was most of the time. Another mother recounted how she became absorbed by her dependent son whose demands for support were high to the point of distracting her from her marital relationship. She came to the clinic with her husband because he wanted to leave home.
Studying is increasingly becoming part and parcel of many families and family life. There are families in which the parents, rather than the children, are studying. It is as tough on the partner who is supporting as much as it is for the partner who is doing the studying. Very often such studies are self-funded and this means taking away money from the family budget, often impacting both the partner and the children. There is also decreased physical presence of the partner who is studying either because one has to go abroad to study for periods of time or because one has to lock oneself in a room, away from everyone, in order to be able to concentrate.
If it's the mother who is studying there may be repercussions and all the other members have to adjust to a new lifestyle. That is because the Maltese are still traditional in the values they uphold about gender roles. To a lesser extent when the father is studying it is perceived more as part of his work and role to provide. This is quite unfair and often even though the mother is working and studying she still has to return home to continue with housework. Studying is expensive not only in the financial sense. Before you engage in anything like that make sure you do good homework about the many facets of enrolling yourself into a diploma, degree, or any other course. Calculate the required investment of your time and its availability well. How will you be making the time to study and write the necessary work? Where will you be taking it away from? There are calculations about money and the relative cost of the course.
Generally, it's the whole family that is going to be sacrificing something, so it would be wise to make sure you have an exact map of what this involves. Will you have to make expenditure cuts from some other things? Who are these cuts likely to be affecting? Will you be increasing your income, and by when?
There are costs to the relationships as well that you need to take into consideration. Who is likely to suffer the consequences alongside yourself? What sort of consequences? Are they ready for them? One important thing here is to make sure that the others know exactly what is going on in your mind. Getting them enthusiastic about your project is essential and indispensable for your achievement. Discuss your plans with your spouse and see what opinion she or he holds.
Along the way keep everyone updated with your progress. Let them know how you feel about it and make time to discuss what you are doing. Involve them by asking their opinion. The more they know, the more they're likely to support you.
Remember that studying is a family effort and you cannot do it on your own. Many people fail to continue their studies simply because of lack of support. So when the end comes along with the deserved "prosits" make sure you thank everyone around you for supporting you in your achievement. Your achievement is theirs too, as are the benefits that will be eventually reaped from the endeavour.
Mr Azzopardi is a systemic family therapist.
It is easy to associate studying and the related stress with childhood and adolescence. A common scene is that of young children preparing for common entrance and junior lyceum exams. The parents, often the mothers, get hyped up and all tense in support for their children's achievement. Exams, therefore, become a family feat rather than the child's deed. Every member of the family contributes to it in some way.
Think about the many other things that get side-stepped during the effort. Some parents get more stressed than the children themselves. They focus all their attention on preparing for them, just as though the exams were theirs. Relationships suffer, other siblings feel left out, and some couples, so much lost in the fervour for the achievement, actually stop being husband and wife.
'O' level and 'A' level time is nothing different really. Along the age of the child varies the level of independence. Yet some parents still study with their teens to support them. Again, the stresses are high as the exams become the primary focus of the family. All the energy of all the members is channelled towards that particular achievement and other members of the family suffer. Some parents told me how the stress doesn't allow them to function sexually together for a while. Other siblings often complain of lack of attention and an increased sense of isolation.
'O' levels and common entrance and junior college exams have become a national adventure drawing together children, families and communities into a collective stress. The priest celebrating mass will encourage all of us to pray for all those sitting for exams. Even DJs on radio stations augur best wishes to the students. This national fervour doesn't allow us to think about those who don't achieve and how they feel. As if those who don't do these exams represent the nothingness which a lack of academic achievement came to mean in the recent years.
With the non-achievers deserving a separate article I'd like to move higher on the scale of academic success. Many families now boast of their children embarking on university studies.
The stresses don't subside as families often live the experience as intensely as in the previous years. Added to this are burdens of increased financial demands for increasingly expensive books, clothing and apparel - all money deducted from the family budget. Some parents have to work overtime and part-time to finance their children's education.
Some families live around their child's university degree. One father told me how he had to cease listening to music on his HiFi system when his daughter was studying, which was most of the time. Another mother recounted how she became absorbed by her dependent son whose demands for support were high to the point of distracting her from her marital relationship. She came to the clinic with her husband because he wanted to leave home.
Studying is increasingly becoming part and parcel of many families and family life. There are families in which the parents, rather than the children, are studying. It is as tough on the partner who is supporting as much as it is for the partner who is doing the studying. Very often such studies are self-funded and this means taking away money from the family budget, often impacting both the partner and the children. There is also decreased physical presence of the partner who is studying either because one has to go abroad to study for periods of time or because one has to lock oneself in a room, away from everyone, in order to be able to concentrate.
If it's the mother who is studying there may be repercussions and all the other members have to adjust to a new lifestyle. That is because the Maltese are still traditional in the values they uphold about gender roles. To a lesser extent when the father is studying it is perceived more as part of his work and role to provide. This is quite unfair and often even though the mother is working and studying she still has to return home to continue with housework. Studying is expensive not only in the financial sense. Before you engage in anything like that make sure you do good homework about the many facets of enrolling yourself into a diploma, degree, or any other course. Calculate the required investment of your time and its availability well. How will you be making the time to study and write the necessary work? Where will you be taking it away from? There are calculations about money and the relative cost of the course.
Generally, it's the whole family that is going to be sacrificing something, so it would be wise to make sure you have an exact map of what this involves. Will you have to make expenditure cuts from some other things? Who are these cuts likely to be affecting? Will you be increasing your income, and by when?
There are costs to the relationships as well that you need to take into consideration. Who is likely to suffer the consequences alongside yourself? What sort of consequences? Are they ready for them? One important thing here is to make sure that the others know exactly what is going on in your mind. Getting them enthusiastic about your project is essential and indispensable for your achievement. Discuss your plans with your spouse and see what opinion she or he holds.
Along the way keep everyone updated with your progress. Let them know how you feel about it and make time to discuss what you are doing. Involve them by asking their opinion. The more they know, the more they're likely to support you.
Remember that studying is a family effort and you cannot do it on your own. Many people fail to continue their studies simply because of lack of support. So when the end comes along with the deserved "prosits" make sure you thank everyone around you for supporting you in your achievement. Your achievement is theirs too, as are the benefits that will be eventually reaped from the endeavour.
Mr Azzopardi is a systemic family therapist.