FAITH IN ACTION
What you are about to read is a harrowing but true story of a former drug addict who has been brave enough to stand up and say 'I am a drug addict. I have a problem. Please help me'. Jeffrey Muscat talks to Yasmin Noone about how he got involved with drugs and how they affected his life.
It was so devastating that I didn't know what I was going to do with my life. All I knew was that I wanted to live. Cancer was my turning point.
What would you prefer to die from - a drug overdose on a dirty apartment floor or an unbearable form of cancer?
When ex-heroin addict Jeffrey Muscat first started using at age 17, the choice was clear. Cancer was an intolerable killer while heroin was just an expensive source of pleasure and pain.
Then, at age 29, only six weeks after he checked himself into San Blas, the Caritas drug rehabilitation programme, Jeff was diagnosed with testicular cancer.
The truth struck him hard. Death was knocking at his door with a heavy-handed message - clean up or ship out.
"I was devastated" said Jeffrey. "At that point I said, 'God, how could this happen when I am trying to get my act together and now cancer is part of my life too?"
Jeffrey had been playing with an intoxicating fire for almost a decade, toying with the grim reaper time and time again by living a life addicted to the junk.
Up until this point, heroin had been Jeffrey's "life and wife".
So was the cancer his punishment? Or was this disease a wake-up call that would finally make Jeffrey take his drug habit seriously?
"It was so devastating that I didn't know what I was going to do with my life. All I knew was that I wanted to live. Cancer was my turning point.
"The doctor gave me the news that I had a tumour on a Monday. The he told me that they needed to remove a testicle in order to start the chemotherapy immediately. I was then informed that if I got chemotherapy my sperm probably wouldn't be good in the later stages of my life. That was something I didn't want to hear at that time because I was still young, with no kids of my own. I said to myself, 'this is going to affect my whole life'.
"My family, aunties and uncles managed to collect some money for me in order to go to England and do my sperm banking. I came back and started my chemo."
Jeffrey's double-edged case was unprecedented.
The staff at the centre were very concerned because they had never had a resident with a drug habit as well as cancer. "We now have to figure out what we are going to do with you," Mariella Balzan, the centre's coordinator, told Jeffrey.
"I made it clear that I did not want to leave San Blas since I needed their support during this difficult time. And I managed to stay... For four months I spent a week at San Blas and then two weeks at Boffa Hospital. After the fourth month I got the results and I was cancer-free. I still do regular tests and I'm still cancer-free.''
Today, Jeffrey is as clean as a bottle of disinfectant but he was once as drug dependant as they come.
Now working at San Blas with many of the human angels who helped him fight his demonic addiction, battle cancer and stay straight, Jeffrey looks back on his past life.
"I started using drugs when I was 13. There was an element of adventure in discovering new things in life."
He soon quit pot smoking but reverted back to his old habits at the age of 17, experimenting with any kind of drug that was available at the moment. One thing led to another and ironically he started using heroin after the first friend he knew died from a heroin overdose.
"It did not shock us into saying 'listen, we should not touch heroin'. We challenged ourselves and wanted to do it because our friend had died from it."
At that stage Jeffrey's weekly wage was Lm70 a week. Just a gramme of heroin back then cost about Lm30. By the time Jeffrey was really addicted he needed Lm60 worth of heroin a day.
He became hard-core and after four years of using, the holiday was over. The withdrawals had kicked in.
"You start sweating and your spine hurts. It's like having the flu and a cold all at the same time. Then you just have a hit or burn/smoke a packet and everything would be gone."
Despite the pain, Jeffrey admits he was "pleased" about experiencing withdrawals for the first time because, "it was like getting promoted to the next level".
"Whatever you do, all you think of is how you're going to get a packet of smack. It doesn't matter who you're going to hassle, how you're going to get the money or how many times you have to go to look for smack.
"During the worst days, I needed to have heroin to get up from bed. Then I needed to take heroin at lunchtime to continue working and then as soon as I'd finished work I'd go and have a shower, then get another gramme to continue for the rest of the day.
"I always felt alone although I was always surrounded by so many people and friends. That was something that always gave me food for thought. By then my family had really given up on me because they couldn't have done anything more to help me out."
Jeffrey's family life, health and career had fallen into disrepute and it was all because of an addiction.
"Emotions can be more powerful than drugs but drugs can really cover all the emotions. So whenever you are feeling worried, sad, alone or disappointed, you just take drugs. That's why it's a cycle of addiction. My friends were only interested in drugs and we would hassle each other so you could not trust anyone else. That was really the situation.
"By that time I was living on my own. I had no food to eat and nothing in my flat. You sell everything. You sell your clothes just to get some heroin.
"My life was like hell... I mean I knew I had to do something. But on the other hand I couldn't see a life without drugs."
Before going to San Blas, Jeffrey sought help twice but each time proved unfruitful. Thankfully, his third attempt at getting clean was successful. This time round he was ready to get clean and take responsibility for his actions, and San Blas was the right place to do it.
Operating as part of Caritas's New Hope project, San Blas offers a holistic drug rehabilitation service to abusers of illicit drugs seeking a better life.
Jeff now confidently views the world in a different and more positive way than ever before.
"I owe my life to this place. I've been clean for six years now and I could never have imagined life to be so beautiful. That's what I say to other residents at San Blas here today - you just have to give yourself a chance to experience life clean. With all the ups and downs, it's a beautiful life."
Getting off to a great start
Housing 34 residents, San Blas exists as Caritas's largest rehabilitation project to date.
Mariella Balzan, coordinator of the centre, comments on Malta's drug problem: "The majority of [drug users] today, unlike 15 years ago, are poly-drug users.
"Poly-drug usage is the norm now, both in Europe and Malta where they don't just take heroin, they take ecstasy, cocaine, hash and alcohol."
Ms Balzan said that on average youths start experimenting with drugs at the age of 13.
"The typical age that they come to say 'we've had enough' is in their early 20s. This is very young compared to Europe.
"The fact that so many young people come for help is extremely good. However, the fact that so many young people are taking drugs is not good. The thing is that quite a large number of adolescents are going to experiment... I don't think there's one adolescent who decides to say I'm going to ruin my life and become a drug addict."
However, there are factors that will make experimenting more risky. Factors like have these persons been abused in their life? Do they come from an unstable and unloving environment at home? Are they bullied at school? Do they have low self-esteem or a low IQ? Does the youth have a personality disorder or are they depressed?
"Have their parents been too lenient? If at the age of 13 the parents tolerate the child drinking alcohol, then don't be surprised if at the age of 18 they're smoking joints and taking ecstasy. Because if at the age of 13 you're taking alcohol, what are you going to be doing at the age of 16?"
The 2005 report on the drug situation, issued by the National Focal Point for Drugs and Drug Addiction, states that Malta has a high number of daily heroin users, when compared to the rest of Europe.
The good news is that "unlike many of these European countries, drug treatment in Malta is highly accessible, with little or no waiting time," the report says.
"In fact, the period that elapses between a person's first use of drugs and their coming into contact with treatment for the very first time is quite short compared to other EU countries."
Ms Balzan believes that Malta has "reached a crescendo".
"I think that over the past 15 years a certain society has been created. I remember 15 years ago Paceville didn't even exist. Bugibba didn't exist. You would have gone there and seen only a restaurant or two. You go to Paceville now and it's just bars promoting alcohol.
"It's going to exist. It has to exist, but unfortunately a lot of very young people are being allowed to frequent these places. It's not just the fault of the nightclub/bar owners. It's primarily the fault of the parents.
"Parents should take responsibility. They are the ones who let their children go out at the wrong time to the wrong places. Parents are the ones who let them go out late and come in late. They are the ones at the end of the day who are primarily responsible for their children's upbringing. And how are children being educated? Schools should take responsibility for this too."
The problem is that "drinking alcohol and taking drugs at a young age has been normalised".
"And it should not be normalised. I see the end result of a small number of people who end up totally broken up on heroin, with mental and legal problems. The problems are increasing and it's not just a drug problem. It's a problem that everyone is facing within our society.
"We are so small in Malta that we can't control the situation much more. I think primarily we need to take stock and acknowledge how our society is changing.
''It's good for an adolescent to take risks, be curious and want to have fun. But it's also our responsibility to help our adolescents today learn how to have fun in different ways."
When ex-heroin addict Jeffrey Muscat first started using at age 17, the choice was clear. Cancer was an intolerable killer while heroin was just an expensive source of pleasure and pain.
Then, at age 29, only six weeks after he checked himself into San Blas, the Caritas drug rehabilitation programme, Jeff was diagnosed with testicular cancer.
The truth struck him hard. Death was knocking at his door with a heavy-handed message - clean up or ship out.
"I was devastated" said Jeffrey. "At that point I said, 'God, how could this happen when I am trying to get my act together and now cancer is part of my life too?"
Jeffrey had been playing with an intoxicating fire for almost a decade, toying with the grim reaper time and time again by living a life addicted to the junk.
Up until this point, heroin had been Jeffrey's "life and wife".
So was the cancer his punishment? Or was this disease a wake-up call that would finally make Jeffrey take his drug habit seriously?
"It was so devastating that I didn't know what I was going to do with my life. All I knew was that I wanted to live. Cancer was my turning point.
"The doctor gave me the news that I had a tumour on a Monday. The he told me that they needed to remove a testicle in order to start the chemotherapy immediately. I was then informed that if I got chemotherapy my sperm probably wouldn't be good in the later stages of my life. That was something I didn't want to hear at that time because I was still young, with no kids of my own. I said to myself, 'this is going to affect my whole life'.
"My family, aunties and uncles managed to collect some money for me in order to go to England and do my sperm banking. I came back and started my chemo."
Jeffrey's double-edged case was unprecedented.
The staff at the centre were very concerned because they had never had a resident with a drug habit as well as cancer. "We now have to figure out what we are going to do with you," Mariella Balzan, the centre's coordinator, told Jeffrey.
"I made it clear that I did not want to leave San Blas since I needed their support during this difficult time. And I managed to stay... For four months I spent a week at San Blas and then two weeks at Boffa Hospital. After the fourth month I got the results and I was cancer-free. I still do regular tests and I'm still cancer-free.''
Today, Jeffrey is as clean as a bottle of disinfectant but he was once as drug dependant as they come.
Now working at San Blas with many of the human angels who helped him fight his demonic addiction, battle cancer and stay straight, Jeffrey looks back on his past life.
"I started using drugs when I was 13. There was an element of adventure in discovering new things in life."
He soon quit pot smoking but reverted back to his old habits at the age of 17, experimenting with any kind of drug that was available at the moment. One thing led to another and ironically he started using heroin after the first friend he knew died from a heroin overdose.
"It did not shock us into saying 'listen, we should not touch heroin'. We challenged ourselves and wanted to do it because our friend had died from it."
At that stage Jeffrey's weekly wage was Lm70 a week. Just a gramme of heroin back then cost about Lm30. By the time Jeffrey was really addicted he needed Lm60 worth of heroin a day.
He became hard-core and after four years of using, the holiday was over. The withdrawals had kicked in.
"You start sweating and your spine hurts. It's like having the flu and a cold all at the same time. Then you just have a hit or burn/smoke a packet and everything would be gone."
Despite the pain, Jeffrey admits he was "pleased" about experiencing withdrawals for the first time because, "it was like getting promoted to the next level".
"Whatever you do, all you think of is how you're going to get a packet of smack. It doesn't matter who you're going to hassle, how you're going to get the money or how many times you have to go to look for smack.
"During the worst days, I needed to have heroin to get up from bed. Then I needed to take heroin at lunchtime to continue working and then as soon as I'd finished work I'd go and have a shower, then get another gramme to continue for the rest of the day.
"I always felt alone although I was always surrounded by so many people and friends. That was something that always gave me food for thought. By then my family had really given up on me because they couldn't have done anything more to help me out."
Jeffrey's family life, health and career had fallen into disrepute and it was all because of an addiction.
"Emotions can be more powerful than drugs but drugs can really cover all the emotions. So whenever you are feeling worried, sad, alone or disappointed, you just take drugs. That's why it's a cycle of addiction. My friends were only interested in drugs and we would hassle each other so you could not trust anyone else. That was really the situation.
"By that time I was living on my own. I had no food to eat and nothing in my flat. You sell everything. You sell your clothes just to get some heroin.
"My life was like hell... I mean I knew I had to do something. But on the other hand I couldn't see a life without drugs."
Before going to San Blas, Jeffrey sought help twice but each time proved unfruitful. Thankfully, his third attempt at getting clean was successful. This time round he was ready to get clean and take responsibility for his actions, and San Blas was the right place to do it.
Operating as part of Caritas's New Hope project, San Blas offers a holistic drug rehabilitation service to abusers of illicit drugs seeking a better life.
Jeff now confidently views the world in a different and more positive way than ever before.
"I owe my life to this place. I've been clean for six years now and I could never have imagined life to be so beautiful. That's what I say to other residents at San Blas here today - you just have to give yourself a chance to experience life clean. With all the ups and downs, it's a beautiful life."
Getting off to a great start
Housing 34 residents, San Blas exists as Caritas's largest rehabilitation project to date.
Mariella Balzan, coordinator of the centre, comments on Malta's drug problem: "The majority of [drug users] today, unlike 15 years ago, are poly-drug users.
"Poly-drug usage is the norm now, both in Europe and Malta where they don't just take heroin, they take ecstasy, cocaine, hash and alcohol."
Ms Balzan said that on average youths start experimenting with drugs at the age of 13.
"The typical age that they come to say 'we've had enough' is in their early 20s. This is very young compared to Europe.
"The fact that so many young people come for help is extremely good. However, the fact that so many young people are taking drugs is not good. The thing is that quite a large number of adolescents are going to experiment... I don't think there's one adolescent who decides to say I'm going to ruin my life and become a drug addict."
However, there are factors that will make experimenting more risky. Factors like have these persons been abused in their life? Do they come from an unstable and unloving environment at home? Are they bullied at school? Do they have low self-esteem or a low IQ? Does the youth have a personality disorder or are they depressed?
"Have their parents been too lenient? If at the age of 13 the parents tolerate the child drinking alcohol, then don't be surprised if at the age of 18 they're smoking joints and taking ecstasy. Because if at the age of 13 you're taking alcohol, what are you going to be doing at the age of 16?"
The 2005 report on the drug situation, issued by the National Focal Point for Drugs and Drug Addiction, states that Malta has a high number of daily heroin users, when compared to the rest of Europe.
The good news is that "unlike many of these European countries, drug treatment in Malta is highly accessible, with little or no waiting time," the report says.
"In fact, the period that elapses between a person's first use of drugs and their coming into contact with treatment for the very first time is quite short compared to other EU countries."
Ms Balzan believes that Malta has "reached a crescendo".
"I think that over the past 15 years a certain society has been created. I remember 15 years ago Paceville didn't even exist. Bugibba didn't exist. You would have gone there and seen only a restaurant or two. You go to Paceville now and it's just bars promoting alcohol.
"It's going to exist. It has to exist, but unfortunately a lot of very young people are being allowed to frequent these places. It's not just the fault of the nightclub/bar owners. It's primarily the fault of the parents.
"Parents should take responsibility. They are the ones who let their children go out at the wrong time to the wrong places. Parents are the ones who let them go out late and come in late. They are the ones at the end of the day who are primarily responsible for their children's upbringing. And how are children being educated? Schools should take responsibility for this too."
The problem is that "drinking alcohol and taking drugs at a young age has been normalised".
"And it should not be normalised. I see the end result of a small number of people who end up totally broken up on heroin, with mental and legal problems. The problems are increasing and it's not just a drug problem. It's a problem that everyone is facing within our society.
"We are so small in Malta that we can't control the situation much more. I think primarily we need to take stock and acknowledge how our society is changing.
''It's good for an adolescent to take risks, be curious and want to have fun. But it's also our responsibility to help our adolescents today learn how to have fun in different ways."
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