I.M. Beck - quote unquote

After an enormous amount of huffing and puffing and straining and stirring, the hefalump produced a teeny-weeny little mousey. A mousey with a pretty leery look, but a mousey nonetheless. Perhaps it will grow up to be a rat or an even more portentous rodent, but for the moment, Ravel's Bolero was the theme to the birth of Mouse, Mickey of that ilk. That doesn't mean that it doesn't have a certain degree of importance and that it isn't important for us to have a good squint at it: After all, Mickey Mouse is a cultural icon too.

I wasn't at the launch of Dr Josie Muscat's new political party, Azzjoni Nazzjonali. I had very much better things to do (attending a family/friends wedding, which was a rather splendid occasion, enhance no end by me in a penguin suit, which comment should satisfy the many who asked whether I'd be writing about it) and anyway, I'm a simple columnist, not a journalist.

So I'm relying on media reports of the stirring occasion in order to be able to make merry with the dear chaps who thought it would be a good notion to start a third force in Maltese politics.

To be precise, it's a fourth force, Alternattiva Demokratika having established itself quite some time ago and with far better democratic credentials. And a third force who I'd far, far rather have policing our main parties, for reasons which will become very clear if you would be so kind as to read on. Harry's boys and girls, for all their wide-eyed naivete and nobility of purpose, are pure of heart.

PAN's people

Clearly, the idea behind this new party, with the snappy title (the double "z" sounds ever so martial in Maltese) is to try to snatch away from the main parties a significant number of their disaffected and dissatisfied, the ones who know they don't like being within the PN or the MLP anymore but aren't quite sure why.

In this fashion, the AzzNazz Party (can't call them AN, that'd be too close to ANR) (on the other hand, perhaps we can, given the proximity last Saturday) hopes to grab hold of the balance of power and save the country from the despotic grasp of the two big parties. We can't call them PAN, either, incidentally, since it's too close to PN and conjures up a moderately strange pop band of some time ago.

So, who are the voters that three wise men behind AzzNazz are trying to attract to their fold? And, looking at the question another way, are they the sort of trio who we'd really want to have the balance of power cradled in their sweaty palms?

The first group of people who AzzNazz certainly does not want voting for them are the environmentalists. I don't hold a brief for this lobby, indeed I've often had some fun with their penchant for hugging trees and their rampant Nimbyism, but it cannot but be said that their motives are pristine, for all the shrill fuss they sometimes make.

What makes me come to this remarkable conclusion, about AzzNazz not wanting the environmentalists on board? Well, one of the three wise men is none other than Mr Angelo Xuereb, an entrepreneur and developer of no mean repute and one for whose business acumen I have nothing but the greatest respect. In fact, I think when one puts things into a balance, he probably tilts to the positive side, all in all, which makes me wonder what the heck he's doing in bed, politically speaking, with these guys.

But getting back to my point about the environmentalists being given the jolly old thumbs down by AzzNazz, you do see it, don't you? A bloke who has built a significant number of things (and there's an understatement for you to conjure with) and who wants, along with 57 other things, to do things to Mepa that probably does not include making it more prone to stopping development, is hardly likely to be Astrid Vella and Miriam Cremona's pin-up boy, now is he?

So that's one bunch of votes that is hardly likely to go the way of the new kids on the block.

Alien nations

Thus far, my green credentials not being of the most spick-and-span type, as I am reminded by a certain diminutive blonde of my acquaintance every time she sees me, AzzNazz does not alienate me all that much, but there's more to come, and it alienates me a heck of a bunch.

You see, wise man number two is none other than a bloke by the name of Philip Beattie, who militates in the ranks of the anti-immigrants.

Whatever his thoughts on the matter are, and that is purely his business, Mr Beattie has put a sheen onto AzzNazz that is pretty much on the unflattering side. It's not his fault that at the launch, a couple of guys were there who are associated strongly with the dark side, as was neatly spotted by MaltaToday. It's a free country, so far (though if certain trends of thought, of which more later, are taken to their logical conclusion, I fear that it's not going to be for very much longer).

However, if such a situation were to be allowed to persist, AzzNazz can't be expecting to attract to their ranks people for whom extreme ideas and immigrant-bashing are unattractive activities.

So that's another bunch of people who won't be voting AzzNazz come the day, that bunch of people for whom Christianity or any other religion or belief system means more than elitist tub-thumping, to the tune of Bolero or otherwise.

You want to know about another bunch of folk who won't be too attracted to AzzNazz?

You guessed it, it's the vast bunch of people who have realised that they're against hunting.

So far, we've identified a pretty hefty clump of voters who won't be putting their numbers against Mr Xuereb's name, or Mr Beattie's name, or Dr Muscat's name. There's more, though, and this will be the heftiest clump of all.

Back to the future

A careful analysis of Dr Muscat's rhetoric, which looks pretty respectable at first reading, will lead the discerning voter, the one who abhors intolerance and fundamentalism, to worry significantly about all this Patria et Religio cant that he's spouting. For the moment, he's restricting himself to being pro-life and pro-family, which are both very Mom and apple-pie, but the undertones, the desire to interfere in consenting adults' lives, to the extent that he is worried about the fact that too many Maltese are, horror of horrors, marrying foreigners are there.

In fact, they're not so much undertones as leitmotifs, coming out into stark contrast as soon as the tenuous grasp on self-control slipped, according to MaltaToday's rather good report on the party's launch party.

Dr Muscat, from what I can make out, wants us to go back to the past, when thoughts were neatly regimented into orderly ranks, as ordered by the Catholic Church, whose order he wants us all to follow.

He might not - or might but doesn't care - have noticed that this country has grown up.

We don't need the blessing of anyone to think for ourselves and to decide for ourselves what is right and what is wrong.

So there's a whole other bunch of voters who won't want to even contemplate letting Dr Muscat and his Band of Brothers (no sisters, another telling point) get their grasping paws anywhere near the reins of power.

A motley crew they are indeed, these wannabe National Saviours of the Social Interest: A building contractor, an anti-immigrant activist consort and a social reversionist, all breathlessly touting their ideas to the people they think will like their ideas: the hunters, the people who hate Mepa, the insular, the elitist, the anti-liberals and the anti-immigrants.

What a lovely vision they have for this country. Don't you just pant to vote for them?

An antidote

From this retrograde scenario, jump back into Malta of the 21st century, why don't you and go to the Museum of Archaeology in Republic Street and take a look at the Terracotta Warriors.

It is, not to put too fine a point on it, a superb exhibition, in both content and presentation and Heritage Malta should be proud of itself, as we of it.

Afterwards, if you're in need of sustenance, drop by Etienne's in Attard, for a drop of wine from his extensive list.

Don't step on the big black Lab who snoozes outside, he's a really nice pooch, and don't go there in a rush, because you really do want to have something good to eat, too.

imbocca@gmail.com