International day of something or other

The International Day of Innocent Children Victims of Aggression was marked yesterday. Oh no! I hear you sigh, not another international day of something or other! To tell you the honest truth, when I was first asked to write this piece my thoughts were not far off from those, too. People aren't interested, I thought - they have their lives to lead. I don't know about you but it seems to me that life just seems to get more and more hectic, so much so that we haven't got time or energy to waste on these international days of this or that. We tend to read the title of the article, at most skim briefly through it and move on. There are too many other things that need to be done, awaiting our attention. Know what I mean? I'm sure too many of you do...

But if we do stop briefly and think about it, we would realise that what this is really about is not an international day of something or other, but about people's lives.

Many of us are lucky and this particular international day does not necessarily directly affect our lives. But some of us are not so fortunate.

Innocent children victims of aggression would first bring to mind children living in areas of conflict, like wars etc. Nothing to do with us, you may think. But innocent children who are victims of aggression also include children here in our lovely, sunny, rather peaceful Malta. There are, of course, displaced children living here as refugees or asylum seekers. But, even closer to home, there are children who live in situations of domestic violence and, as president of the Commission on Domestic Violence, these are the innocent children victims I wish to focus on.

These children may be your children's friends or classmates. Whether your children go to state, Church or private schools, rest assured some children in that school would be the ones we are talking about here. They may be children in your neighbourhood, again, regardless of where you live. They may be children in your extended family. These children are all around us, part of our society, and as such, part of our everyday lives. And these children are innocent victims of aggression.

Children who live within situations of domestic violence are innocent victims caught up in a "war" that is not of their making. Even if they are not the direct subjects of the aggression, they witness it, they hear it, they feel it. And it leaves its mark. Children, even young children, feel very helpless and vulnerable in the face of the father's violence and the mother's powerlessness.

They sometimes feel responsible for what is happening, that the violence is their fault, or they try and intervene to protect the parent being attacked, and are then themselves abused.

Various undergraduate research studies exist in Malta on the possible effects on children of witnessing domestic violence. It was found that children in such situations may suffer from somatic pains, aggressiveness, imitation of the abuse, over attachment to the mother (assuming that this is the non-abusive parent), isolation, difficulties at school, bed-wetting and fear.

The sense of fear and anxiety that dominates the home environment may leave a scar on the children's development. Another study suggests this may make some of them bitter towards their own budding relationships as young people.

Hence, domestic violence not only constitutes a threat to the lives and well-being of women (as the gender mainly experiencing it) but also affects and endangers the welfare of children.

Children have a right to care and protection, to an upbringing free from violence and to a life without violence. But not all our children in Malta are getting this. Domestic violence is a form of violence against the child. Children who witness domestic violence and have to experience and watch or hear it are always victims of psychological violence.

Moreover, women who experience domestic violence are at times under such strain they are unable to care properly for their children. Exposure to long-term abuse by their partners robs many people of the ability to do anything to protect their children.

Unfortunately, many parents living in domestic violence situations feel compelled to stay in their situation so as not to put their children through a family break-up. They worry about the possible harm this can cause to their children. However, it would seem that staying in that violent relationship may be causing plenty of harm already. There is also, of course, the stigma attached to being a broken family, with the children often being labelled as coming from a broken family.

So... what's this got to do with you, you might ask? As a society (and, yes, society means you and me and others around us) we need to be more understanding of those who, for very good reasons, choose to end their marriage relationship and get out of their violent situations. We also need to be more aware of the harm these situations are causing to the children, innocent victims of aggression.

Hence, this international day of something or other should have a bearing on your life, and mine. Open your eyes to the children around you who may fall under this international day and speak out against domestic violence. As a society we must practice zero tolerance to domestic violence!

(If you know anyone who may need help in this regard, they can call Supportline 179 by simply dialling 179. Run by Agenzija Appogg, it is a 24-hour telephone helpline with trained volunteers answering the calls and guiding people to the help they require.)