Whether the pregnant mother is by nature an ardent organiser or not, the nesting instinct and the organisation that goes with it are at their best during pregnancy. Throughout the 40 weeks of waiting, advice comes in from everywhere. Only a few mothers, if any, believe that ignorance is bliss and wait for bridges to be crossed when they come to them. Trying to get it right as far as she possibly can, the typical mother yearns to become knowledgeable in all areas of motherhood. Sensing this opportunity, experienced mothers bestow on the "apprentice" all kinds of personalised advice and stories which may or may not be too helpful. Good sources of information remain to be her caregivers, related books and now also the internet with excellently informative websites, if one knows where and what to search for.
The long nine months of pregnancy drag along and birth becomes D-Day. There is never enough knowledge to learn how to perform during the event, especially if the couple choose to have an active rather than a passive role during childbirth. Soon after the birth, how and what to feed the baby needs to be addressed. On the first night at home, what to do if the baby cries during the night may haunt most new parents, especially after the door closes behind family and close friends who go home for a good night's sleep! To add insult to injury, well-wishers may phone in the morning to see what the night with the baby was like. One cannot even be sure whether they may offer to come and give a helping hand, if the outcome is negative!
Can parents have a grip on such a situation? Prevention is always better than cure. As in all events requiring successful organisation, planning ahead is the secret.
For those anxious organisers who indulge in writing lists just to make sure nothing is left out, here is a checklist to make things easier. We shall take a look at certain considerations that need to be addressed when the baby's presence is felt in more ways than one. Good communication between parents is essential. A continued process of regularly finding time and the right disposition simply to talk about and discuss different issues takes the couple a long way towards a successful relationship and successful parenting.
Before pregnancy
A baby causes drastic changes in one's life, so it is important to prepare all members of the family who will be affected by the shift. Here are some points to consider even before planning a pregnancy.
Relationships: Talk about self and feelings, how the baby's presence will affect parents, siblings, close family.
Health: This is the time to correct eating habits, make changes in lifestyle, include exercise which addresses certain muscles in particular.
Finances: Can we afford a child? Is the home adequate? Will we need a car? Are we able to meet increased expense for example, groceries, nappies and other baby stuff.
Career: Full-time, part-time? Quit work? Change career? Parental leave? Who - mum or dad? Maternity benefits.
Child care: What is our philosophy on parenting a child? Will child care by professional carers be necessary? Which kind? How much will it cost? Are grandparents or family members ready to offer? Is it really the best choice?
Insurance: Is it necessary? Is it affordable?
Timing: Is it important? Is leave from work better scheduled at a certain time of the year? Are there periods which are less stressful? Is help more readily available during certain months?
In early pregnancy
Obstetrical care: Besides medical care, this should include education, training, philosophy and availability of birthing methods. It is important to attend a good pregnancy course which offers a wide spectrum of knowledge and options. There are several issues that a pregnant couple needs to address with responsibility. It is wise to be knowledgeable as early as possible in the pregnancy. This makes it easier to shop around and choose a birthing system which meets one's wishes and needs. On the other hand, it should not be difficult for the couple to change their caregivers and place of birth if at any time during the pregnancy they feel they are not being offered what is in line with their philosophy.
If it did not happen before, now is the time to consider positive changes in attitude towards self, lifestyle, nutrition, exercise, relaxation techniques. It is useful to know what to do with discomforts that come with pregnancy.
Later in pregnancy
Essentials for comfort and maternity clothing: This may include special treats at a beautician, hairdresser, besides comfortable clothing to wear when the bump gets bigger. There are useful and practical things to be used now or after the baby comes, such as mobile phone, portable cassette player with headphones, back support items and nursing pillows used for backpain, dimmer switches in the bedroom, a good breastpump to help when breastfeeding, etc.
Baby needs: Clothes, toiletries, furniture, car seat, etc. Will you consider hand-me-downs from family and friends?
One less worry is to choose a name for the baby now!
Organise the christening - who will be godparents, party, guests, souvenirs, if any.
Choose a family doctor, a paediatrician and a support person who are mother-friendly and baby-friendly. Are you interested in alternative/complimentary medicine? Get to know more about it and have related telephone numbers handy.
Just before and after the baby comes
Management of household: Preplanning menus for a week helps with the shopping list. A new baby and a disorganised household, though the latter may be a natural result of the former, may be too overwhelming. Pre-plan chores. Organise home help on a fixed and regular basis. Hire a maid if necessary, for the first month or so. Failing this, lower standards with house cleaning. Relax on family schedules and appointments, but see that school and after school activities for siblings are taken care of. Avoid drastic changes now, such as potty training and sleeping patterns.
Baby sitting: Not just for work, but also for the occasional evening out without the baby.
Make an emergency information list with important telephone numbers and other information.
Find out activities for yourself with or without baby, which are held in your neighbourhood: attend mother and baby clubs, postnatal exercising, swimming sessions, parent discussion groups, massage courses, parenting skills course, child safety course.
No matter how much you try to anticipate and prevent problems, there will always be that something which may go wrong, or not as well as you wished. It does not matter. Mistakes which are not fatal are for learning. Allow yourself to make mistakes. Forgive yourself, and take it as a learning curve. This is how experience is obtained. Overcoming the teething problems of parenthood deserve recognition on one's curriculum vitae! Perhaps "domestic and family manager" is a better way to describe the job rather than "housewife", when a mother fills in the line that asks for one's profession!
• Through this article I will be discussing several aspects of parenting. It would be interesting to receive feedback from readers. Comments and suggestions are most welcome.
• Ms Theuma is a qualified childbirth educator and school teacher. A mother of three children and a grandparent, she directs a school for parents, In the Family Way, based at Marsascala. The school offers courses and support for parents, covering various related subjects, from pregnancy to primary and early secondary school age.
The long nine months of pregnancy drag along and birth becomes D-Day. There is never enough knowledge to learn how to perform during the event, especially if the couple choose to have an active rather than a passive role during childbirth. Soon after the birth, how and what to feed the baby needs to be addressed. On the first night at home, what to do if the baby cries during the night may haunt most new parents, especially after the door closes behind family and close friends who go home for a good night's sleep! To add insult to injury, well-wishers may phone in the morning to see what the night with the baby was like. One cannot even be sure whether they may offer to come and give a helping hand, if the outcome is negative!
Can parents have a grip on such a situation? Prevention is always better than cure. As in all events requiring successful organisation, planning ahead is the secret.
For those anxious organisers who indulge in writing lists just to make sure nothing is left out, here is a checklist to make things easier. We shall take a look at certain considerations that need to be addressed when the baby's presence is felt in more ways than one. Good communication between parents is essential. A continued process of regularly finding time and the right disposition simply to talk about and discuss different issues takes the couple a long way towards a successful relationship and successful parenting.
Before pregnancy
A baby causes drastic changes in one's life, so it is important to prepare all members of the family who will be affected by the shift. Here are some points to consider even before planning a pregnancy.
Relationships: Talk about self and feelings, how the baby's presence will affect parents, siblings, close family.
Health: This is the time to correct eating habits, make changes in lifestyle, include exercise which addresses certain muscles in particular.
Finances: Can we afford a child? Is the home adequate? Will we need a car? Are we able to meet increased expense for example, groceries, nappies and other baby stuff.
Career: Full-time, part-time? Quit work? Change career? Parental leave? Who - mum or dad? Maternity benefits.
Child care: What is our philosophy on parenting a child? Will child care by professional carers be necessary? Which kind? How much will it cost? Are grandparents or family members ready to offer? Is it really the best choice?
Insurance: Is it necessary? Is it affordable?
Timing: Is it important? Is leave from work better scheduled at a certain time of the year? Are there periods which are less stressful? Is help more readily available during certain months?
In early pregnancy
Obstetrical care: Besides medical care, this should include education, training, philosophy and availability of birthing methods. It is important to attend a good pregnancy course which offers a wide spectrum of knowledge and options. There are several issues that a pregnant couple needs to address with responsibility. It is wise to be knowledgeable as early as possible in the pregnancy. This makes it easier to shop around and choose a birthing system which meets one's wishes and needs. On the other hand, it should not be difficult for the couple to change their caregivers and place of birth if at any time during the pregnancy they feel they are not being offered what is in line with their philosophy.
If it did not happen before, now is the time to consider positive changes in attitude towards self, lifestyle, nutrition, exercise, relaxation techniques. It is useful to know what to do with discomforts that come with pregnancy.
Later in pregnancy
Essentials for comfort and maternity clothing: This may include special treats at a beautician, hairdresser, besides comfortable clothing to wear when the bump gets bigger. There are useful and practical things to be used now or after the baby comes, such as mobile phone, portable cassette player with headphones, back support items and nursing pillows used for backpain, dimmer switches in the bedroom, a good breastpump to help when breastfeeding, etc.
Baby needs: Clothes, toiletries, furniture, car seat, etc. Will you consider hand-me-downs from family and friends?
One less worry is to choose a name for the baby now!
Organise the christening - who will be godparents, party, guests, souvenirs, if any.
Choose a family doctor, a paediatrician and a support person who are mother-friendly and baby-friendly. Are you interested in alternative/complimentary medicine? Get to know more about it and have related telephone numbers handy.
Just before and after the baby comes
Management of household: Preplanning menus for a week helps with the shopping list. A new baby and a disorganised household, though the latter may be a natural result of the former, may be too overwhelming. Pre-plan chores. Organise home help on a fixed and regular basis. Hire a maid if necessary, for the first month or so. Failing this, lower standards with house cleaning. Relax on family schedules and appointments, but see that school and after school activities for siblings are taken care of. Avoid drastic changes now, such as potty training and sleeping patterns.
Baby sitting: Not just for work, but also for the occasional evening out without the baby.
Make an emergency information list with important telephone numbers and other information.
Find out activities for yourself with or without baby, which are held in your neighbourhood: attend mother and baby clubs, postnatal exercising, swimming sessions, parent discussion groups, massage courses, parenting skills course, child safety course.
No matter how much you try to anticipate and prevent problems, there will always be that something which may go wrong, or not as well as you wished. It does not matter. Mistakes which are not fatal are for learning. Allow yourself to make mistakes. Forgive yourself, and take it as a learning curve. This is how experience is obtained. Overcoming the teething problems of parenthood deserve recognition on one's curriculum vitae! Perhaps "domestic and family manager" is a better way to describe the job rather than "housewife", when a mother fills in the line that asks for one's profession!
• Through this article I will be discussing several aspects of parenting. It would be interesting to receive feedback from readers. Comments and suggestions are most welcome.
• Ms Theuma is a qualified childbirth educator and school teacher. A mother of three children and a grandparent, she directs a school for parents, In the Family Way, based at Marsascala. The school offers courses and support for parents, covering various related subjects, from pregnancy to primary and early secondary school age.